am i ok ?

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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aexthetic
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:09 am
Location: Portugal

am i ok ?

Postby aexthetic » Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:24 pm

so, the past few weeks i've been feeling really down but i've been trying to hide it from everyone
i cry at night trying to calm myself down, i sleep a lot to forget my problems, even though i'm just a teen and i know there's worse to come
last friday i had a party with my friends, but the strange thing is that i couldn't feel anything, but i was always wearing this fake smile.. for quite some time i've been thinking about suicide even though i don't want to do it because i don't wanna leave those who are important to me right now
i wanna live for a bit longer but lately i haven't been feeling anything, regarding to feelings and such, nothing comes up
but, as awkward as it is, i sometimes have mood swings, and i've gotten quite grumpy nowadays
can someone tell me what's wrong with me ?
thanks..

Peacebwu2017
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 8:11 pm

Re: am i ok ?

Postby Peacebwu2017 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 8:16 pm

aexthetic- it sounds like you could use someone to talk to, perhaps depressed? I am sorry you are going through this! It’s hard to feel nothing. You can do some soul searching to see if you remember a trigger, reason, when did it first start, when’s the last time you felt something and over what? Sometimes our emotions shut down to protect us from pain. If the pain is to hard than it’s definitely a road to take with a therapist. It’s also normal to go through stages of our life where we begin to wonder our purpose and drive. It’s in times I get bored with life and wonder what it’s all for. I usually realize I have lost myself and am just going through the flow. Do you know what you enjoy? What you love? Why? If not, figure that out? I find journaling the good things and focusing on those will help me stay positive. I find that when I’m feeling really down helping other people and reaching out to see how I can help will actually lift my mood. And, from time to time I find I need to reassess what I’m doing in my life, goals, and dreams. Hope deferred makes the body sick. We need something to hope for. What small goal can you work on to give you hope? I say small because when we set one small goal after another we begin to feel accomplishment which gives us momentum and excitement to realize we can go for bigger goals. What brings you joy and happiness? Do more of that! Especially the things that don’t depend on others? Lastly, what have you done creative and stretching your abilities lately? I find if I don’t challenge myself or do something to create, I’m very numb after a time. Please reach out to a therapist if you continue to feel this way or things get worse! You are worth a good life! You are unique and necessary in this world! I know of a counseling network, maybe it will help you? http://bit.ly/2bYaQqv

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aexthetic
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:09 am
Location: Portugal

Re: am i ok ?

Postby aexthetic » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:07 pm

well.. actually i usually talk with my mother about myself.
i did say to her once that i couldn't feel anything anymore and she gave me lots of advice and tried to change my point of view of life, and to be honest, i don't feel like it worked so well, i can't really take anyones advice even though i want to and feel better.
i usually listen to music, read and draw to avoid going into deep thought, because i can't really say that i have positive thoughts about myself, but instead of being positive and supportive to myself, i am to other (friends, family, etc)
i hide my feelings so that they don't worry about me, and sometimes i'm fake to myself and believe my own lies, such as i am fine and happy... i sometimes feel disgusted with my own way of thinking and treating but i can't really do anything about it.

the last time that i ever felt something was during an argue... with my parents... that was the first time that i felt really angered, i was mad, to the point of scaring my own mother... i could say that i wasn't feeling the same anymore and since then i've never felt anything anymore.

before i would usually feel guilty about many things, even the smallest, i would put guilt on myself and feel even worse than i was.
i suffer from anxiety, mainly social anxiety, about 6 years or so, i had several anxiety attacks which lead me to self harm, not that i still do it but i don't regret either

also, i'm always helping my friends spreading positive thoughts and bringing them up, motivating them, seeing their happiness satisfies me, or it did
now i rarely talk with them, even though they are used to it and i don't really mind
i've set some goals in my life and i've accomplished them, but then i'd go down again, they don't motivate me as it seems...

i'm very thankful for your help, i wish you the best in life

Rachelm2535
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:24 pm

Re: am i ok ?

Postby Rachelm2535 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:31 pm

Aesthetic - Oh my friend....I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing these feelings right now. I can relate to the confusion almost lost feeling you described. For many years I went through this, really never thought it would ever change. Sometimes when we are so low it is hard to see any hope through the thoughts we are thinking and feeling at the time.

But I can tell you there is hope. You are quite brave and I thank you for opening up about what you are going through right now. Talking about it and getting help is the best thing you can do when we start experiencing signs of depression and unexplained sadness. What you are going through right now is a hard road but one shared by a lot of people. Please know things can get easier....I have found these resources very helpful (http://bit.ly/2Bq80G3). Also if you are able to reach out to your doctor, parents, church, school or a trusted adult they could help guide you on how to get the information and help you need.

Hope this helps.... - Rachel

Peacebwu2017
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2017 8:11 pm

Re: am i ok ?

Postby Peacebwu2017 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 12:51 pm

Thank you for sharing the struggle you are having! The article shared with the other post is a really good one! You have done some amazing work to just answer questions. Knowledge of what’s going on, what brought it on, what triggers us, and what we struggle with is power to overcome and start things anew. You are very smart with so much potential ahead of you! It may be of help to be able to talk with a counselor to work through what you have revealed on this post. I can empathize with how difficult the journey and how easy it is to fall into a pattern of self-loathing. Anger is powerful. It’s a second-hand emotion to what is really at the root. It tells us we need something desperately or something needs to change. When our self esteem begins to lack, which is easy as a teen by the way, we can easily develop negative habits and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. We can then stifle our potential with a self-sabotage with hope deferred. It took many years for me to realize some truths and see things differently. I hope for you a much quicker healing process! I don’t know if DBT is available where you live but it was very helpful for me. (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). It teaches skills to put in our tool box for times we need to pull them out and help ourselves out of the pit, feel again, etc. I know that last thing anyone wants to hear when they are depressed is think positive! Just thinking or putting on a face doesn’t change how we feel, as you have discovered. We have to deal with the heart and change our beliefs to see change. Once we learn and set a strong foundation of truths than we can change a bad day to good through choice and fake it till you make it mentality. There are some heart issues you mentioned… “not having positive thoughts about yourself, disgusted with thinking and treating, scary anger which stopped feeling, guilt on-self, fears which bring in anxiety and social anxiety, and the help for others trying to protect them from how you are doing and feeling” You have done some amazing things for coping already like the drawing, listen to music and reading. Those are very healthy choices to care for yourself and shut down the thinking when it gets to be too much! You mentioned you can’t do anything about your thinking, etc. I disagree, from first hand. You can always change your circumstances. You can always recreate your life and reality. Even if you can’t see the way right now may I be the voice of encouragement to not allow that lie to hold in your thinking. I am living proof anything is possible! There have been many days in my life I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. But, deep inside, no matter how difficult or numb I felt something kept me miserably, at the time, going another moment and another day. I a hear now as living proof that things will and can get better! Please keep working on finding the support you need and never ever give up on yourself! You are talented, beautiful and lovely! You were created for a purpose of hope not for this dark place…there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! I promise you there’s always hope if we will just hang on to find it. Praying a very amazing miraculous moment where you sense the love and aww over how incredible you are and how much your creator adores you!

Jxck
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:32 am

Re: am i ok ?

Postby Jxck » Sat Dec 30, 2017 6:09 am

okay, im not in a good mindset right now as it is so im not going to be helpful atm. but i understand how you feel. ive felt the same way as you (and still do but i dont seem to care as much as i did). ive felt this numbness as youve described but i dont feel it as7 often. the last time i felt it was last night actually. it lasted about 30-40 minutes until my mind decided to make me feel pain again. the pain has gotten so bad that i just sleep tbh. im not going to rant too much about myself as this isnt about me and i dont want help anymore (as you can see im not an inspiration.. whoops?) but i just want you to know that i understand your pain and if you want someone to talk to talk to me. although lately ive been a bit useless and bland but the opportunity is there i guess if youre willing. i guess itd be easier to talk to someone who understands? im not an expert tho. but yeah, dm me if you want.

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aexthetic
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:09 am
Location: Portugal

Re: am i ok ?

Postby aexthetic » Sat Dec 30, 2017 8:05 pm

Jxck
well.. i appreciate your help and i would be willing to talk with you but, i somehow feel like it would be a waste of your words because i'm way too stubborn to even take an advice from someone
i am trying tho, to not care about this and avoid it even tho it's hard
i feel like my insides are totally empty and dark, as foolish as it sounds
i'm glad i'm not alone tho but unhappy as well because i wish that no one feels like i am feeling
but i wouldn't mind listening to you, to rant or something like that, since i can't really help myself, i'll help others

but seriously, thanks for replying and reading this

melroseplace123
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:36 am

Re: am i ok ?

Postby melroseplace123 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 1:15 am

Hi there,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. You said something like " I know things will get worse " This is a feeling not a fact. It is important to distinguish one from the other. Things will get worse if you don't start talking to a therapist or someone older who has wisdom and experience. Feeling nothing is feeling something. Understanding what is underneath that nothing is important. One must start to learn how to identify specifically the emotions they are experiencing. Statements like, " I feel lonely, I feel sad, I feel hopeless because.....Do your best to not predict the future because nobody can. Nothing is written in stone. Remember you are the author of your life. You write your life story. However you choose to write it is what it will be. Get some guidance, you are young you have lot's of time to write and rewrite your story. There will be many curve balls along the way but remember that it is up to you in how you choose to mange those. There is no magic wand for depression, and emptiness, and mood swings. Medication helps but ultimately we have to do the work. It's a process. Missy123


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