Hi, I come to the point that I don't want any friend and I don't hang out with people outside my work and family any more. I cut off 20 years friendships with closest people because I think they are too judgmental of me. I could not sleep whenever I talk to them and hear their judgements because it hurts me a lot.
We are friends since university. I came from a much poorer background in a countryside and they are classmates who helped me when I was alone in a city. They are 6 people who were even closer than family for me. I think it all started when I became a bit "famous". Although we are all in the same profession, I became much more successful and prominent. But for them, I remain the same like when we were in university whenever we get together. I travel abroad frequently with high-profiled people and always bring back gifts for them from each of my trips. It started when I realized they expected much more expensive gifts that I cannot afford. The problem is I am from a poor background and payment from my job is not that high despite all the fuzz of fame. I am the main supporter of my family as well. So I stop giving them gifts. (None of them give me gifts whenever they travel. It's my own practices).
I started to find out my closest friend told other people sensitive things about me (my financial situation and my datings). I am a very private person and only one or two closest people would know such private things about my life. I told her to stop because these stories would be discussed in cafes nationwide by strangers to me. But she said she would continue to tell everybody. So I stop seeing her privately. We only meet with other groups of friends and I do not tell her anything private about my life. The problem is she seems to be hurt and keep trying to get me back as her best friend. It seems that being my best friend is her pride. So she started telling people negative and judgmental stuff about me to explain why we are no longer close friends. It is getting worse that other friends start to follow her as well. It is to the point that they described me to my wider circle of friends that I am a bad person to my family (It hurts me a lot because I am actually working a lot to support my family than normal people would do). I got accepted to a world top university and worked hard to pay for my tuition (It is very expensive university). So as I graduated, everyone in my circle of friends are looking at me as I am penniless.
I feel really down so I refused to meet them or other people for months. Now I feel like I need to explain to some people what happened. But it means I have to say bad things about my "friends" and probably hurt them as well. What can I do??????
Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.
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