Deep darkness

Everyday life. How was your day?

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Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:05 am

(((((Lisa)))))) I am so sad to read that anorexia has struck again. Please keep trying to eat what you can...as hard as it is. I will do the same.
I think you should give the hospital program a try. The structure and support from others may really help you. I am glad your boss was supportive and even though you will miss the children, you will likely come back to them in a much better place. Take care, my sister.

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

no more silence

Postby xn728 » Sun Apr 11, 2010 3:32 pm

your silence is causeing concern ,,im thinking of you lisa ,i know what it is to be so down that you cannot ,,think of talking ,and nothing seems easy to do ,,just please hear me when i tell you this will pass ,,please be looking after yourself ,,and dont come to any harm ,,hugs (((((lisa)))))
lots of love ken xxx

lisalou
Posts: 722
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:48 pm
Location: Brighton, England

Postby lisalou » Mon Apr 12, 2010 5:43 am

hello all,just to reassure you that i am alive if not kicking. It is my first day at the hospital today and i am scared. It's only an art group today so i guess everyone will be engaged in doing stuff and me too so that's a bit less nerve wracking but it's still a big step. have been a little brighter the last few days,enough to get dressed and go out a little bit each day. I am still very quiet and prefer to be alone but i am getting a bit better at talking with Mark again. I am still being hounded by constant self-hating thoughts though and really quite nasty,vicious stuff. my appetite is a lot better but i hate myself for it and wont let myself eat much,i am just so desperate to lose weight,i can't bear being this fat and being trapped in this body

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:35 am

Damn that anorexia! I hate it!
You must be at the hospital program right now and I hope you are enjoying your art group. I am so happy that you are in this program and I hope that you start to feel better. It's good to hear you were feeling a bit better this past weekend...I want that upward trend to continue for you. Thinking of you....Mich

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

hyup lisa

Postby xn728 » Mon Apr 12, 2010 12:56 pm

hey there (((((lisa))))) so good to hear your feeling a little better ,,and yes its your first hospital ,,day meeting today ,,i hope it goes well for you
i wonder what you will be doing ,,it would be nice if there were some nice people who you could chat with ,,i dont know what these things are like ,,but ill be wishing you the best ,hows mark is he ok ,,its hard for him ,you know he must be wondering what the hell to do ,,i know fran ,looks at me sometimes and she just wishes she could hug it away,,sometimes she just sits and holds my hand ,,without saying anything ,,but i can hear what shes thinking ,,ok lisa still painting with a very bad neck ache ,,,,hope to hear from you later if you feel like it ,,,
stay safe and keep in touch ,,hugs (((((lisa))))),,lots of love ken xxx

lisalou
Posts: 722
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:48 pm
Location: Brighton, England

Postby lisalou » Tue Apr 13, 2010 4:08 am

Well it was very quiet at the day hospital, just a nice peaceful space for everyone to do their own art project,the radio was on and some people chattered but i didn't have the confidence. I have started making a picture of swans and roses. (I told a friend about that and she said 'that doesn't sound too crazy' and i replied 'it will be once i draw the stockings and suspenders on them!!!') I think it probably did me good to get so involved in an activity and be able to put the depression away for an hour and a half. Have a one to one meeting with my keyworker tomorrow. I'm a bit wary about her,i'm not sure if i'm gonna like her. this is not gonna work if she's someone i can't talk to. Have extreme nausea as usual this morning,i am pregnant with agomelatine,this medication just makes me feel so ill!!

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:36 pm

((((Lisa)))) I am glad that you got some pleasure out of the art group (I always had to skip that group because I am so artistically challenged!). Don't feel any pressure to chat. You will chat when you feel comfortable doing so. I hope that you connect with your one-on-one worker...you will have to give us an update once you meet her. How many people are in this day group?

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

HATE IT WHEN YOUR NOT AROUND

Postby xn728 » Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:48 pm

hey lisa im glad your first day went ok ,,it gave you a break for a short while ,,just takes your mind away for a short while doesnt ,dont worry to much about the care worker ,im sure you will get on fine ,,i first saw mine and i thought oh my god this aint gonna work ,,but once i told her i didnt want talking to like i was a child she was fine ,,used to let me swear like a trooper ,and she even thought it was funny ,,lol ,,she thought i was interesting ,,LOL...polite for crazy !!!,,keep us up to date on how it goes
i hope the sicky feeling goes soon ,,its dragging on a while now ,,usally when the feeling goes the meds start to work ,,i dont know. just wishing you feel better soon i hate it when your not around ,like lots of our other freinds ,,,take care lisa and stay very safe ,,hugs (((((lisa))))),,lots of love ken xxx

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

hyaahh lisa

Postby xn728 » Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:35 am

hyahh lisa just wanted to say hello ,,wishing you are feeling better ,,,
take care hugs (((((lisa ))))),,love ken xxx

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Thu Apr 15, 2010 7:43 am

(((((Lisa))))) Just stopping in to say "hi" and hoping that the day hospital is going well for you. How was your session with your one-on-one counselor? I hope the terrible low is easing up for you a bit.

lisalou
Posts: 722
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:48 pm
Location: Brighton, England

Postby lisalou » Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:27 pm

Had my first clay workshop today at day hospital, made a pot and a cat! I still feel very low but am doing more because I am now very anxious as well and finding it hard to rest. the bad thoughts in my head won't leave me alone,telling me i am fat,bad,useless,evil... I'm sorry i'm not around on the forum so much lately but i find it very hard to find the motivation or concentration to do so

love to all

Lisa x

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:45 am

(((((Lisa))))) I'm glad you stopped by. Hopefully your one-on-one work with your counselor will help you to get rid of those negative thoughts about yourself. I know it's hard to let them go....I'm still trying. Wishing you well always, Mich

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

WISHING FOR YOUR PAIN TO GO ,,,

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 21, 2010 1:38 pm

How are things for you lisa ,,i know your safe but how are you feeling your silence marks your pain i think so i will wish you to feel better soon ,
thinking of you hugs (((((lisa))))),,love ken and fran xxxx

lisalou
Posts: 722
Joined: Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:48 pm
Location: Brighton, England

Postby lisalou » Wed Apr 21, 2010 2:16 pm

Hiya guys, have still been feeling very quiet and low and finding it very hard to be with people or even write on the forum. Have been getting increasingly more anxious too and getting more obsessed with restricting what I eat and losing weight (12 pounds so far but I actually needed to because I was getting genuinely chubby I think)

But on the bright side I am enjoying the arts and crafts stuff at hospital and have started a Managing Stress course there. Today I went to a free meditation drop-in at our local buddhist centre which was very peaceful and I think would be a good thing for me to do regularly. I have been getting out most days and even bothering to dress nicely! I washed my hair yesterday too which in my life is right up there with Moses parting the red sea. Things with me and Mark are a little better too now I am making more of an effort to talk to him,and it is an effort,it's horrible how difficult depression makes it to relate with people,even the ones we love the most

Wishing you all a good evening

Love Lisa xxx

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

KEEP GOING LISA

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 21, 2010 3:05 pm

This is good news lisa ,its about time you got a little higher ,you know what i mean ,,glad things with you and mark are getting better to ,,im gonna go lisa ,,fran has got quite ill over the last hour or so ,,,i will be keeping an eye on the threads ,,,,hugs (((((lisa))))),,,,,keep going lisa
keep up the momentem ,,leave the darkness behind ,,love ken and fran
xxxx


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