A Few Short Hours Later

[Mich]

It's only been 2 hours since my last post and my emotional landscape has changed entirely. The depression is intensifying and my fight and determination are waning. All I can think about is curling up in bed and trying to sleep the demons away. The thought of facing a visit to the store now seems overwhelming and way out of my league for today. Perhaps I will rest a bit with my dog and see if I can conjure up the nerve to venture out in this state. I know it is the right thing to do; I need to get my focus off of myself and on to something else. I'm tired of the endless torture and wonder if I will ever find the way out.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( Mich )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Just a warm and gentle hug. Rest, clear the mind, things I do at times to get through those times.

Warmie

[shatteredhopes]

If you can't go to the store today, maybe you can go tomorrow. Curling up with the dog and resting sounds like a good idea.

Something I'm trying is imagining a broom and sweeping away really hurtful things. Telling myself I am cleansing myself of toxins of whatever. It keeps my mind doing something positive when I can't manage to do anything else.

Maybe if you rest you will feel like going to store later. Go easy on yourself. Maybe make a cup of herbal tea or take a warm bath? Comfort yourself as best you can!

We are all routing for you and I know what it is to think you'll never find a way out of the darkness...but try to hope that things can get better if you hang on through the moment. I know its hard. But just be proud of yourself that you are fighting the urge to self-harm. That in itself is a HUGE accomplishment, and takes much strength.

Just hang on a little while longer, and maybe the load will lighten a bit. I hope you can find something to brighten your day. Pet your precious pup for me.

[lisalou]

hiya mich, big hugs to you. 2 hours can be a long time in the life of a depressive and things can change utterly. how are you now? did you make it out in the end? it really doesn't matter if you didn't, i think even the fact you're starting to contemplate doing these things is positive in itself. by coincidence i went to our shopping mall in brighton for the first time in ages. i didn't need to get anything and only actually have about 26 pence (equivalent to about 50 cents!) till tuesday but it was just the principle of the thing, it's been a long time since i could face the crowds or summon the interest in looking at anything. well i lasted about an hour and it was a pretty surreal experience as i'm really dissociated this week but it was strangely nice just to distract myself with stroking the different fabrics and textures of clothes and to flick through magazines and books. i had to lie down as soon as i got home and still have yet to gain the power of speech to communicate properly with my boyfriend but i'm glad i did it in a masochistic way. maybe do it in little stages like that, first just try going there briefly, then next time looking specifically at shoes and clothes for your boy and the time after that actually trying and buying. if you can, have a little fun with it, try slipping your feet into red stilletos and sequinned party shoes as well just for the hell of it! ooh la la!!!

[Monty]

I agree with the plan of maybe just curling up in bed with your dog.
Probably just recharging would be a good thing.
Used to have a dog, but don't anymore. I know that she was a lifesaver to me. I couldn't seem to relate well to people, but I know that with dog I had unconditional love in my life.

It is funny it used to be that I was the big non-animal lover in the country. Once I got "my" dog (our family had animals before but they always belonged to other people) I fell instantly in love

I hope that you are getting the same kind of gentle feeling from your dog, that I had when I was with mine.

Aside from having the bipolarII diagnosis, I also was diagnosed with OCD many years ago.

One of my favorite movies is called "Bob" with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss.The story is about a man, Bob, who has obsessive compulsive disorder and the disarry his life is put into when his psychiatrist is supposed to be going on vacation.

It really gives me belly laughs. The reason I am bringing it up is because the pdoc has written a book called "Baby Steps".

It is this thread that made me think of the movie. I think that with most things, it is best that we just take it a little bit at a time.

Slow and steady and that seems to be what you are doing.

Keep us up to date with what's going on in your life.