I'm Sorry

[Mich]

You are not garbage and you have not done anything terrible. Life has been very rough for you so far but please keep the faith and keep on fighting. You're right....there are people out there who will hurt and disappoint but I know there are loving, caring people out there too....I have met them on this forum. You sound like a wonderful person who would be a good friend and I hope someday you have the courage to give people a try again. I am sorry that you had to give up your pets...mine has been a source of comfort. My wish for you today is that you can see a little light and that things are a little less painful for you. I know it hurts and I want you to know that I am here listening.

[xn728]

hey s/hopes you have us now ,freinds ,i ll forgive you as will others im sure ,no lifes not fair ,i have my depression .and my wifes lung problems
my daughters boyfreind has just walked out leaving her with massive depts ,im down today but i know i will rise again ,my wife depends on me ,its not fair that i cant end my life but it does not belong to me ,and even thoiugh i carry all this can you not see how i try to help others why should i ,i could shut this laptop now and never return ,why ,because we all help each other ,open your eyes ,feel our presance in your mind ,we are here always ,we cant cure you ,but we can carry you while you are weak ,my freind stop the self punishment reach out and we will catch your fall ,you have freinds here you have not met yet ,much for you to look forward to ,,,ken xn728

[shatteredhopes]

I know somewhere in my mind I am a reasonably decent human being deserving dignity, respect, and kindness, but feelings sometimes overwhelm that. I've lost my life preservers one by one. It doesn't help the cruel way he dumped me or that he's already "replaced" me...I feel like I am disposable because I was treated that way. It brought up a lot of old wounds.

Most of my life men have mistreated me. I haven't been a good partner either, so I can't complain too much. But I really thought it would be different after waiting so many years after my divorce. But he was critical of me everytime I had the slightest confidence in myself, judgemental, and ran or broke up with me every time things got difficult. He for instance didn't do anything to celebrate my birthday but sent his ex-girlfriend a card on hers while he was with me...still writing lost love poetry to her 8 months into our relationship. He was just using me to get over the hump of losing her, and to have someone. I was wrong to tolerate it, and wrong to hang onto an unhealthy relationship as my life preserver. I deserve to be treated the way I try to treat others. I settled for less, now I am paying the price.

Still love him though, sick huh? ((Warmie's)) post about love got me thinking...how do I choose to fall out of love?

Thanks to ((ALL)) for helping me through this. I know its unfair, but you all are kinda my life preserver right now. I was thinking about self-harm a lot earlier, but am okay at the moment. I have arranged a ride to a hospital a couple of hours away if I need it.

[Monty]

On my better days it is odd that I say pretty close to what you say, when I am describing myself to other people I say "I think that I am a reasonably decent human being".

It is unfortunate that we don't think that more often in our lives.

Think it is a good plan to have a ride to the hospital, if you need it.

I went through a very difficult time a couple of years ago. After that debacle I made sure that I had a safety net in place.

It's comforting, isn't it.

Undoubtably you have many life preservers in the forum

Take care

[Monty]

Shatterhopes,

Forgot to mention in my previous post is not to worry about hurting us. I haven't read anything in your posts that would indicate to me that you would intentionally hurt anyone else.

Hope that you find it helpful, to just sit down at the keyboard and let the feelings out. Often I feel like I am in a pressure cooker, but pressure just building up and up, with that little rocker on the top spinning around.

I think that it is fair for me to say that non of us judge what others write. We realize, that for a lot of people, this is their only outlet.