Irritants about Depression

[helium]

[quote=" Notice how everybody runs away from you when they see your depression and flock to you when you're happy? Well, depressives have this little defense mechanism: we act happy and fine so we don't drive people off, which, I'm afraid, is very depressing.A.[/quote]

I noticed it a while ago. When I'm depressive- My used-to-be- supportive grandmother runs away from me, but when I'm somehow "happy" she flocks to me. You are completely right.

I hate it because I need to be someone I'm not in order to have some company with me.

This illness is a curse.

[aim]

Yes, it is a curse. But I think people run because they are scared of it. They don't know how to help you so they stay as far away as possible. It's nothing personal... just another aspect of human psychology, I think.

Hang in there... your grandmother loves you no matter what, I'm sure of it. Have you confronted her about her running away when the going gets tough for you? That might help. Tell her exactly how you feel, and what she can do to be there for you.

[Aurelia5]

Hortensia~

Thank you for the quote.

What you can do for people in your life is to somehow explain that when you are low and depressed, the thing that cheers you up is to see someone smile at you and be happy to see you. That ALWAYS works. And also some sympathy - "Oh, I am so sorry you feel bad today". If you explain this to someone else in the room, or in a way that you are not directly telling her, she will probably listen and then start doing it.
My husband, who has a bachelor's in psychology, does this for me. He always has a smile on his face and is always happy to see me. Even just when one of us is out of the room for a short time. He also says he wishes there is something he could to make me feel better, but just by saying that and being happy to see me IS doing something for me. It's a win-win situation - he makes me happy when he's so sweet and happy to see me, and I make him happy because he is so caring.

But we here in this forum are always going to be happy to hear from you, and you don't have to pretend that you're in a good mood. If you feel bad, tell us. We will cheer you up.

Best wishes to you-

A5

[bluesky1]

Unfortunately, for those who have never exerienced depression, they don't know what its like so they have difficulties relating. The comments which you refer to can be hurtful, but you should consider taking them with a grain of salt. You might like to have a look at this website regarding this topic:

http://www.whatadifference.org/index.html

Best wishes,

[crystalgaze]

Lately, I’ve found several things irritating about living with depression. It’s not just living with the symptoms, the medications, and so on. The main irritation is people’s attitude and comments towards depression itself.

One example of this was stated by a “friend” of mine who said, “fine, sit there and be all emo.”...

Another irritation that ties into this is how there are those who think that you need to pull yourself out of the depression abyss....

Of course, this leads to a personal favorite of mine where someone had said, “Depression is not some stupid chemical imbalance. It's all about the troubles you have that you can't seem to get over yourself because you don't have a strong enough will. Even people who try to kill themselves daily don't need medication, they need someone to talk to.”

Honestly, it seems that people need to learn some sensitivity towards people with our disease, don’t you think?

*****
You are so right. There are lots of irritations, regarding depression + others' views of it & those it affects. People should consider others, in terms of words + actions/inactions.

I do believe, though, that there is some truth in some parts of what was said (all except the first one about sitting there & being emo).

I think that it's a combination of pieces/truths from different places that can help to defeat depression.

AAA. "There are those who think that you need to pull yourself out of the depression abyss..."

To me, that is part of vanquishing depression, if it is ever to be vanquished. What's hard is the how & knowing what works for you + what doesn't (building your coping mechanism). I don't think it's impossible, though. It just takes time & maybe a few good "Eureka" moments.


BBB. "Depression is not some stupid chemical imbalance."

I disagree with this statement. However, I do believe the chemical imbalance can be corrected--either with a combination of meds and lifestyle changes or lifestyle changes by itself. It takes time, though.

CC. "It's all about the troubles you have that you can't seem to get over...." I only agree with the first part about it having to do with troubles. That can be true.

I've had enough people to get over ________. As far as I'm concerned, it's not about getting "over" any thing, more as it is coping or getting "through" something. There can be lots of easy ways to "get over" things, but if I go out there & hurt/kill people, will that be the solution?

A "friend" told me to get over myself & I told him I would not do that, since I am all that I have & that there was no reason for me to get over myself 'cause it's not like people are going to take their effort away from themselves & place/give it to me.

As I understood his words, he was trying to say that I should ignore my feelings, muffle my emotions, & venting + expressing myself are actually what got me through depression for the most part.

What? I was supposed to shut up to make him happy? I think not. Of course, we are no longer friends. We gave each other the boot, but he got the ROYAL boot from me.

After he was all dirty to me, he tried pushing his way back into my life 'cause he was all "concerned" about me + my family & he got shut out entirely. I am certainly better off without him.

DDD. "because you don't have a strong enough will." Strong enough will.... Hhmm.... ~lol~ No one teaches you how to build willpower.... I'm not even sure it can be taught. Also, I don't know of any one who really--in all seriousness--wants to be depressed.

EEE. "Even people who try to kill themselves daily don't need medication..." I'm living proof that you don't need medication FOREVER. I believe FOREVER is the missing word. Some doctors like to make you feel that you have to be on meds forever. This is simply not true for all people. This isn't even good for all people. (Maybe the doctor gets a cut from the pharmaceutical folk?)

FFF. "they need someone to talk to..." Talking can help, but ultimately it is up to you & it is in your hands. I've found that talking to people actually hurt me more than it helped.

A lot of "ordinary/normal" people are not equipped to deal with what people who are depressed express. I know my loved ones weren't equipped. That's for sure. I found that they ended up saying something to me that triggered me or made me peeved.

I am only somewhat out of depression because I am the (Grim?) Reaper of My World. It can actually be a fun thing, but you have to be at a certain point to be able to do it. (fun, in that you may feel a sense/rush of accomplishment & control of yourself, your own life + your destiny & a "YEAH, I'm winning for once!")

Ultimately, when it can be done, I believe that it is very important to aggressively chase away depression like how an Off fan can keep mosquitos away from you. It can take a lot of time, though.

Depression has stolen 15 years of my life already. When I realized how long it had been, I said, "Oh hell no! I can't take this anymore. I can't do this any more." I'm to the point of saying that it will rob me no longer & I mean it & I am constantly working on making good on my words.

I sort of love beating down the things that bother me now vs me beating myself up for being "inadequate". I don't always win in the 1st try or even subsequent faceoffs, but I don't give up 'cause my life is on the line. I have it & I can do what I please with it.

Perhaps, this is extreme, but I believe depression is a life or death situation. I also believe that I am all powerful in the world in my head. My control & choices have not been relinquished to any one or any thing.

There are going to be things to rock my world & that will threaten to overturn my little canoe in the water, but I'll be able to recover from whatever is going on a good bit of the time. & when I am defeated or I crack, I will just sit still, recuperate & come back to fight.

Depression is the computer in the video game that I am to defeat or a real life thing/person?/persona? I battle in my head. I see it as the attacker who sneaks up on me & tries to subdue me, but whom I can win against any way 'cause as long as it's in my head, that's my domain & I am queen/supreme ruler in it, meaning there isn't room for two monarchs.

It's this kind of outlandish thinking that has helped me. Now all I have to do is apply it to the rest of my life & still keep my feet on the ground. (Oh dear! That's one tall request!)

It is by no means easy, & I don't always feel super charged or ready + raring to go at times. This recurring headache I get doesn't help either, but I can't go to the doctor right now. However, I will hang in there & beat it the best way I can, until I can get to one & I will be okay.

It is all tiring, but I am all I have. No one will/will be able to fight for me but me & I believe I (my inner self) is worth fighting for. The risks/consequences are too great if I'm lost + not all together. It can take a long time to get there, though, but it's possible to reach that destination.

That's my 99 cents....

[helium]

blah.

[aim]

Well, Crystal... again you have outdone yourself!

Your words are a perfect example that everyone is different, and what might be the solution for one person, and not the other. I do think, however, that we all need some type of therapy. Seems that your therapy is writing, while someone else s might be going to see a counselor, while another s might be simply talking to his or her spouse or friend. Sometimes it's as easy as holding a baby, playing with a child, or reading a book.

I urge everyone, even those who do not suffer from anxiety/depression to find their therapy... their release. But thanks again for the well thought-out response, Crystal.

[helium]

Living with depression isn't easy...

[aim]

No Helium, it's not. That's why this forum is a great place for all of us to listen, hear, share and support. Thanks again, Crystal.

[koalaburger]

If people tell me to just get over the abuse I suffered as a child I challenge them to let me treat them the same as I was treated as a child for 10 minutes and I would have them begging for mercy. I then ask them to imagine copping that for 16 years without a break. I have lost a career, had no relationship for 15 years, have not worked sine 1994. I have had to create my own value system and jettison societies ideas of success. I am a success because I am still alive. I am a success because I have people in my life who I can share my true self. I am a success if I cook a nice meal and washup. Having a shower is a win and going for a walk or to the library is an oscar winner.

[aim]

Koala - you are right about your trips out being worthy of praise - good for you when you get out there!

People can be very naive when it comes to abuse and the aftermath of it. Many people don't understand that childhood is where we learn self-esteem and self-worth, and if a person suffers abuse in that important time, it is likely to affect the rest of their lives - especially adulthood as opposed to adolescence.

Hang in there, Koala... live each day, continue taking one step at a time, and always always be proud of the things you accomplish...

((((Koala))))