Unusual self harming

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Jimm
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 6:13 pm

Unusual self harming

Postby Jimm » Sat Jul 07, 2018 6:28 pm

Hi all,

I used to physically self harm myself with cutting, etc but only when I was quite young. I then discovered a weird interest in wearing shoes that were too small (usually trainers/sneakers). I thought it was some sort of fetish, but found it gave me a bit of relief to the depression similar to the self harming. As time went on I bought tighter and tighter pairs of sneakers until people started noticing, and thinking I had really small feet. On a few occasions people asked me what size my feet were, or commented on my small feet, and I found it humiliating, which in turn gave me a bit more relief from the depression.
So I started to experiment more by buying women's style sneakers and wearing them. Even though people very rarely notice, it kind of gives me a self humiliation feeling that helps alleviate the depression along with the tight sensation of the shoes. When I'm going through a good period, the desire to do this goes away, but intensifies the more down I feel. The downside is that it can increase my anxiety, which can be a problem, but I learn to balance everything.

Has anyone else found any odd way that helps them from self harming?

I am a unique weirdo?

Jim

littlestarsmum
Posts: 76
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: Unusual self harming

Postby littlestarsmum » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:25 am

Welcome to this forum, Jimm.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Please know that your life is precious and you don’t need to be hard on yourself. Life can be stressful, and yes, you’re right -- self-harming will always result in even greater hurt. I know it’s not easy to go through depression, but I believe it’s necessary for you to get help. Are you seeing a counselor/therapist? A caring professional would be in an excellent position to offer support and help you to cope with your difficulties. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the strength and help you need at this time. Stay strong!

Jimm
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 6:13 pm

Re: Unusual self harming

Postby Jimm » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:24 pm

Hi,

Thanks for your words of support. No, I'm not seeing a therapist because for years my doctor would only treat me with pills. He wouldn't refer me to a specialist unless I stopped drinking alcohol, which I couldn't do. When I was a teenager I visited many a 'quack', but they didn't help. The drugs don't either, in fact one I was given really messed me up. Over the years, I have found that the only way I can fight this disease is by myself. I go through good periods, as I currently am, but occasionally things get very dark for me.

Anyway, my original post was about how I managed to get the same relief from physical self harm without anything like the risk to my own well being. I was wondering if anyone else had had a similar experience, or if it might be helpful to anyone in a bad place.

Thanks,
Jim


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