Living is dying

Everyday life. How was your day?

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Mynameiskitty
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:58 am

Living is dying

Postby Mynameiskitty » Tue Oct 24, 2017 3:18 am

I have been living with depression for 20 years. I don't have friends mostly because in my experience, people get tired of dealing with it. I generally go through the same cycles: Employment, depression, relationship, unemployment, breakup, worst depression, isolation, hopelessness, homelessness, medication updated, feel better, new job, new place, depression, new relationship, etc..
I have to start over at least every couple years. Longest job I ever had once before was 4 years.
I find it hard to maintain employment which definitely affects housing. I currently live with my mom, but I'm at a place now where I just wonder if I'll ever be able to take care of myself. I'm lonely everyday, and everyday I feel like I'm slipping away -- like a ghost that just floats along.
Currently I've been unemployed for 7 months, and it gets so hard now to have the energy to keep looking. I have no money except for family members that help. I just don't see a future for myself that's feasible. I stay in the house and away from people. I see my psychiatrist this week. I don't know what her recommendations will be, but does it matter? I think not. I feel doomed.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: Living is dying

Postby Suzi » Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:22 am

So sorry you are having such a hard time. I have struggled with anxiety and depression. I have been doing a lot better (except for brief episodes) the past couple years. This is what helped me: Seeing family members growing old with no life in them. I am 56 and decided I didn't want that to happen to me. I heard a resolution made by Jonathan Edwards, "Resolved to live with all my might while I do live." I started reading self help books (Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by D.Amen; Happiness is a Choice by F. Minirth; Rethink How You Think by D.Stoop). I take supplements, got my thyroid checked, exercise regularly, stay away from caffeine and processed foods. I have learned to recognize when I am sinking and have coping mechanisms to keep me from sinking into a dark place. I tell you this to encourage you that you CAN live a healthy, happy, productive life. In Rethink How You Think, I learned that my thinking was affecting my emotions, that emotions follow thinking. So if I changed my thinking I could changed my emotions. Saying a prayer that you are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

philsbrain
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:15 pm

Re: Living is dying

Postby philsbrain » Fri Oct 27, 2017 7:32 pm

I so much understand. I've had treatment resistant depression for decades. Please remember that everything goes in cycles, good will come from from bad. When I have relentless negative thoughts, I tell myself: these are symptoms, not facts. It may help a little. Keep trying new meds! I recently started on viibryd which is the first thing to breakthrough in ten years. Most important: reach out, when you are able. Feel free to contact me; depressed people can help each other. I know it's so hard, but try to Keep up hope.

PracticalGrit617
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2016 8:28 pm

Re: Living is dying

Postby PracticalGrit617 » Thu Nov 09, 2017 10:57 pm

Suzi brings up excellent points! I agree and have experienced for myself as well, that emotions follow thoughts. Truly it works, for better or worse, it works. For instance, you realize there's a cycle. Instead of reacting to it with the mindset that 'your doomed,' why not focus on positive thoughts. On the flip side, I encourage you to dig deep as to why you get depressed. I recently learned that the root of good things creating stress or depression is due to a sense of loss. For example, if you move out of your childhood home, even if you dislike it, into a new, "better" home...you can still get depressed or stressed. Why? Turns out that in the move, you'll lose the familiarity and comfort of what you've known in exchange for the unknown. What if, when you start to get depressed, you catch yourself and ask, "What am I losing and what am I gaining?" I've been going through what you've been through. It gets better, but it takes work. You can do it! Like you, I was even unemployed for several months and almost lost my car. If it wasn't for my mom stepping in through the grace of God, I would've lost it three times over. I get the fear, I get the uncertainty, the frustration and anger. You must keep pushing through and moving forward. I live at home too, and everytime I get serious about moving, I get scared, wondering why I can't be like everyone else who just gets up and gets on with their life. I just learned yesterday that when I move, I'll be leaving the safety, security and comfort of my childhood, and stepping into true adulthood. I was an only child and, honestly, spoiled. The reality of responsibility scared and overwhelmed me...in the beginning. Even now, as I type, I'm working through lies, such as being a failure. Another part, on my journey, is that I've had to learn that the people who "loved" me the most are/were the one's causing me the most harm. When you realize that your life has a purpose and you have a destiney, you'll learn that the cycle is really just a symptom of wrong thinking. I encourage you to start thinking of yourself as a victor, as a success, and an independent adult. Ask yourself: "Am I ready to be and independent adult?" If not, why? Do you desire to be in a long lasting relationship, or are you subconsciously sabotaging yourself with fear and doubt?

lovingladyo4
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: Living is dying

Postby lovingladyo4 » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:02 am

Suzi wrote:So sorry you are having such a hard time. I have struggled with anxiety and depression. I have been doing a lot better (except for brief episodes) the past couple years. This is what helped me: Seeing family members growing old with no life in them. I am 56 and decided I didn't want that to happen to me. I heard a resolution made by Jonathan Edwards, "Resolved to live with all my might while I do live." I started reading self help books (Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by D.Amen; Happiness is a Choice by F. Minirth; Rethink How You Think by D.Stoop). I take supplements, got my thyroid checked, exercise regularly, stay away from caffeine and processed foods. I have learned to recognize when I am sinking and have coping mechanisms to keep me from sinking into a dark place. I tell you this to encourage you that you CAN live a healthy, happy, productive life. In Rethink How You Think, I learned that my thinking was affecting my emotions, that emotions follow thinking. So if I changed my thinking I could changed my emotions. Saying a prayer that you are able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


Such a nice encouragement you share here!

lovingladyo4
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: Living is dying

Postby lovingladyo4 » Thu Nov 16, 2017 10:59 am

Yes, I think it matters what your psychiatrist will say, because he/she will be giving you their best attempt to shift your thinking into a more positive direction. Then you can feel assured someone is trying to help you when you know you are unable to help yourself. Many people in life are in that same place, where they need to lean on others to help hold themselves up. And there isn't anything wrong with that! Admitting our weaknesses as human beings is always such a healthy starting point for changing our mindset, because it gives us room to believe there is a better way to go through life than what has been familiar for so many years.

I remember a season in my own life where I hated the word hope. I was shocked that I could even think such a thing, but it was true. I felt trapped and confined to a life with no purpose and no way out. But that all changed once I learned there are options waiting out there - it's just a matter of choosing to grab hold of them, even if the risk is high with no guarantee in sight. Someone had told me, "How badly you want something will determine how hard you go after it." It was at that moment I saw myself as someone resistant to change, and felt so ashamed that hopelessness had defined who I was. I made a choice to change that way of thinking and set out to investigate all my options for becoming made whole.

I have learned a lot through my own experience, from others, and some research on the topic. God has not left us alone to despair. He has not written us off because we can't get better. He hasn't judged us. He has not ridiculed us because we aren't strong enough. No - the exact opposite is true. He has loved us with an everlasting love. He has NOT left us destitute to fend for ourselves. He has NOT abandoned us. He has NOT judged us, but rather shown His mercy and kindness at our lowest and most vulnerable moments of our lives. He gives us answers. He gives us hope.

I would like to encourage you to seek out a qualified Christian counselor, perhaps even right within a Bible believing church in your area, and ask to set up an appointment. A Christian will look at you the same way God does, and understand you in a way a secular therapist cannot.

I would also like to encourage you to do some research on Niacin which is Vitamin B3. Case studies have shown that niacin deficiencies lead to depression. Case studies have also proven that proper amounts of niacin in our bodies helps to eradicate depression. I have found, that for me personally, and for the females in my family, that additional natural supplements, along with Christian counseling, have reversed our symptoms, and we no longer fear depression in our lives.

In closing, I would like to pray for you.

"Father in heaven, we look to you because you have all the answers we will ever need in this life time. I ask you now to show my friend what they must do to seek out the right kind of help. I pray you will speak your peace into their heart, their mind, and their soul, to let them know you are not far away, in fact you are closer than they realize. We thank you that you are able to meet us at our time of need, and that you delight in showing your faithfulness to us. Amen."


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