“Cutting”
Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:19 pm
So, today I kind’ve/sortve related to my sister that I was going through some “mental” things; therefore I wasn’t going to be so lively on something she wanted me to attend. She questioned me on what it was. I related to her that it’s definitely not anything she will understand - if anything, she will probably mock me or look at me differently, so best to leave it alone.
Eventually I changed subjects and we dropped it.
I was laying on the bed with my legs propped on a stool reading through my phone when she stops and all of a sudden mockingly says: “cutting yourself?” while looking at my leg (which has many fresh cuts), in almost a judgmental/smirking tone.
I quickly said no and gave her an excuse that I’ve been prepping in my mind for situations like this. She half-heartedly believed me and continued with what she was doing.
THIS was just confirmation that I shouldn’t tell ANY of my family members what I’m going through. They just don’t understand what it’s like and what I’m dealing with. Judgement.... so much of it. It’s really hard for me, even considering the person I am - a lot of people wouldn’t guess I’d be the type if they even studied me.
I have no one to talk to, and it really hurts.
There are days where I just think about how worthless my life really is. And the saddest part? I HAVE things to live for. Younger siblings... animals... some “family”. I feel ungrateful sometimes, and even wrong. But I can’t help how I feel or what emotions overcome.
I feel worthless a lot and it’s surprisingly a feeling majority of the human population can’t even comprehend.
There are so many people in this world who JUDGE those who are suicidal/depressed/self-harm. Which is why those of us who feel this way look to online sites with strangers for help, advice, or just someone to talk to. It’s sad.
Eventually I changed subjects and we dropped it.
I was laying on the bed with my legs propped on a stool reading through my phone when she stops and all of a sudden mockingly says: “cutting yourself?” while looking at my leg (which has many fresh cuts), in almost a judgmental/smirking tone.
I quickly said no and gave her an excuse that I’ve been prepping in my mind for situations like this. She half-heartedly believed me and continued with what she was doing.
THIS was just confirmation that I shouldn’t tell ANY of my family members what I’m going through. They just don’t understand what it’s like and what I’m dealing with. Judgement.... so much of it. It’s really hard for me, even considering the person I am - a lot of people wouldn’t guess I’d be the type if they even studied me.
I have no one to talk to, and it really hurts.
There are days where I just think about how worthless my life really is. And the saddest part? I HAVE things to live for. Younger siblings... animals... some “family”. I feel ungrateful sometimes, and even wrong. But I can’t help how I feel or what emotions overcome.
I feel worthless a lot and it’s surprisingly a feeling majority of the human population can’t even comprehend.
There are so many people in this world who JUDGE those who are suicidal/depressed/self-harm. Which is why those of us who feel this way look to online sites with strangers for help, advice, or just someone to talk to. It’s sad.