“Cutting”

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DarknessPrevails
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2017 1:18 am

“Cutting”

Postby DarknessPrevails » Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:19 pm

So, today I kind’ve/sortve related to my sister that I was going through some “mental” things; therefore I wasn’t going to be so lively on something she wanted me to attend. She questioned me on what it was. I related to her that it’s definitely not anything she will understand - if anything, she will probably mock me or look at me differently, so best to leave it alone.
Eventually I changed subjects and we dropped it.
I was laying on the bed with my legs propped on a stool reading through my phone when she stops and all of a sudden mockingly says: “cutting yourself?” while looking at my leg (which has many fresh cuts), in almost a judgmental/smirking tone.
I quickly said no and gave her an excuse that I’ve been prepping in my mind for situations like this. She half-heartedly believed me and continued with what she was doing.
THIS was just confirmation that I shouldn’t tell ANY of my family members what I’m going through. They just don’t understand what it’s like and what I’m dealing with. Judgement.... so much of it. It’s really hard for me, even considering the person I am - a lot of people wouldn’t guess I’d be the type if they even studied me.
I have no one to talk to, and it really hurts.
There are days where I just think about how worthless my life really is. And the saddest part? I HAVE things to live for. Younger siblings... animals... some “family”. I feel ungrateful sometimes, and even wrong. But I can’t help how I feel or what emotions overcome.
I feel worthless a lot and it’s surprisingly a feeling majority of the human population can’t even comprehend.

There are so many people in this world who JUDGE those who are suicidal/depressed/self-harm. Which is why those of us who feel this way look to online sites with strangers for help, advice, or just someone to talk to. It’s sad.

deadsoull
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2017 6:42 pm
Location: uk

Re: “Cutting”

Postby deadsoull » Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:07 am

Hi Darkness Prevails,
I understand why you feel judged by so many around you and like you have no one to talk. People who don't cut and who are not depressed or going through even just a little bit of what you go through each day won't understand because they can't relate. Not enough people understand what is like and although it may be hard opening up to others, it doesn't have to be your family, is what helps them understand and help you. Not everyone will understand or necessarily care but that's something you can't let stop you.
For example i have told 5 friends. 1 on nearly a daily basis will ask me how i am and suport me who am so thankful for but she is going through stuff like me herself and understands. All the rest i believe don't care. That makes me feel worthless to them but i'm glad i have one friend that cares.
What i'm trying to say is opening up to people will give you support but you may just get turned down. It's so hard to tell people and make them understand so take it one step at a time. I'm sorry that your sister judged and made fun of you but she may not understand? You don't have to open up to people but it helps.
Believe in yourself and love yourself just like others do. You have people who care so let them help.
Please keep posting and I hope you have a little comfort talking to us on here. It is sad that some have to resort to this but it's a whole lot better than having no one.
Lots of Love Soull xo

j2415
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: “Cutting”

Postby j2415 » Thu Oct 05, 2017 3:29 pm

Hi- I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’m sorry about your sister. You can still open up and share your feelings to a friend that you can trust or you can talk to a church’s pastor. You can also try to join a support group, online group like this is beneficial but face to face meet ups is effective. You will meet together and discuss your experiences and provide emotional support for one another. By joining a support group, it will help you realize that you are not alone and there are also people who have the same problems.

If you think you need more help, please seek professional help. I hope you will feel better soon. I will be praying for you.


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