14 years old on Zoloft for ptsd, depression, anxiety and ocd. Feeling very alone

Everyday life. How was your day?

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Frame

User avatar
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2017 1:47 am

14 years old on Zoloft for ptsd, depression, anxiety and ocd. Feeling very alone

Postby vega » Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:31 pm

So, I'm still new to this site forgive me if I'm all over the place.

My entire life ive been very sheltered by my grandmother, who has legal custody of me. I don't have friends, I do online school. I'm not allowed to leave the house with anybody unless my grandma has their name, age, ID verification, address and their parents information. Not allowed to go spend time with people who are 18 or older. Because of this I dont have friends at all. I'm not allowed to leave my tiny trailer park either, because even tho our town is very small my grandma doesn't want me getting raped, kidnapped, murdered or something along those lines.

My mother is incarcerated and has been since I was 5 years old, I choose not to write her because she lied to me about coming to see me three times in a row after she got out of prison. From what my uncle says she's getting out in 9 months, but she hasn't told me. or written me at all. She thinks I think she'll be getting out when I'm in my 20's.

My biological father let's me have more freedom to walk around the town, but I don't like staying with him anymore because he's been performing exorcisms on his (74 year old) mother every night. He's been trying to tell me and his incarcerated brother that she's possessed. She's not possessed. She is just old, angry and mentally ill.

After the first night my biological father (I prefer to call him Marty) preformed an exorcism on his mother I ran away that night and called my neighbor to pick me up and take me back home to my grandma. about two weeks later I had been prescribed Zoloft by my pediatrician. And in a few weeks I'll be having my first therapy session with my new behavioral counselor.

I've been on Zoloft for 1 week and 5 days. My doctor said she's never had any bad reactions from the children she's worked with since they were put on it. And that it'll help me for sure.

since being on Zoloft I no longer beat my face until ita purple and swollen. I dont punch holes in walls. My intrusive thoughts only last for a few seconds but leave quickly. I don't stay awake crying for hours fearing the thought of one day possibly becoming an abuser. I stopped having childhood flashbacks, things have gotten better for me mentally, I feel.

But recently ive had very bad paranoia about ghosts, demons and the supernatural because of what happened that night Marty suddenly attacked his mother and started.. an exorcism ? I won't go into detail about what it happened. But since that night I started having dreams about demons and such because of how badly I was scared.

Two nights ago at 2:00am I was laying down on the couch to go to bed. At 2:20 my grandma got up and went to the shower to get ready for work. At 2:30 am I felt something shaking the couch I was on, when I opened my eyes very slightly there was a black silhouette standing over me. Then it walked away, I closed my eyes again thinking it was my grandma or my aunt. Grandma finally left for work at 3:00am. At 4:00 am my grandpa, who had been sleeping on the couch on the porch came inside and went to his bedroom to sleep. The next day I asked my grandma if she was standing over me that morning, she said no. My aunt said no too. And I know it was not my grandpa because he was asleep on the porch.

Since then ive been so paranoid and scared of sleeping at night. I don't know if I truly saw something, or if my Zoloft made me hallucinate.

Sometimes I think "what if demons really are real" "my dads side of the family has a history of satanism and religion, what if he did something to me" "what if" this that and the third.

Everything I'm experiencing makes me feel so alone and small. My grandma doesn't show me love or affection, she only focuses on bills and work. My grandpa drinks all day and night, ignores me. My aunt is always angry and yelling at the father of her kids on the phone. Marty is just.. he makes me feel very unsafe.

i don't ever have anybody to go to for these problems, to vent. I'm always scared to open up, because I think I sound crazy. I know for a fact that many people my age are going through what I'm going through, ive just never met them. Does anybody else experience anything that I do? Can somebody relate. I just want to feel less alone in all of this.

User avatar
Posts: 14
Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:26 am

Re: 14 years old on Zoloft for ptsd, depression, anxiety and ocd. Feeling very alone

Postby Justyaaveraggurl » Thu Jun 08, 2017 9:25 am

I''m so glad that that you had the courage to come here and share. It sounds like you are really going through a tough time. I'm so sorry your Mom has not been there for you the way she should have. I can understand why your Grandma is so protective of you. Before she was your Grandma, she was your Mom's mother. In raising your mom, I imagine she experienced a lot of difficult times with your mom as a pre-teen and teenager. It certainly doesn't help her fears knowing that your mom ended up in prison. I imagine she just don't want to see you go down the same path. Its great that you are getting counseling. I think that will help. It is also true that Zoloft can have hallucinatory effects, definitely bring that up with your doctor. As far as your questions on the spiritual realm, I can say that I truly believe that 100% of our idea of demons and evil spirits are formed and shaped by Hollywood and what we see in media. Are demons real, according to my faith they are but they are primarily disguised as things pleasant and enticing for the sake of greatly deceiving us rather than scary and terrorizing as Hollywood would like us to think. I'm sure this site doesn't like for poster to get into religion so I won't cross that line. But I think this is a great site http://gospelgrowthministries.org/ for you to check out that will help you see, that you are not alone, you are loved, and though demons and evil spirits seem and feel overwhelming to you now, there is a love that can cast away all fears. Definitely keep sharing with us here.

Return to “Living with Depression and other Related Health Concerns”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests