Don't know if I am up or down

[metal bear]

After having my tablets changed my moods are still the same as the ones before, one minute I am normal then down really low and just feel so empty and I feel that the moods are going even more erratic more frequent with the downs lasting longer than before and the highs are, well not lasting as long but a wee bit the last couple of days I have been on these mega highs when I feel really hyper and keep talking very fast and non stop, I swear if someone saw me who never knew me they would think I am on drugs or something!
As well as the moods I am getting even more agitated and struggling even more to communicate with people. After my last trip to the doctors I am starting to give up with them, just felt that they were not listening to me and basically just told me with my struggling to communicate to "just" talk to others as if it was that simple.
Argh want to write a hell of a lot more but I don't know what to write even though I am in the mood to write!

[CrazyLady17]

I certainly know that feeling.
Our moods can change without being on any tablets, but tablets will change your moods swings, some days could be good, and other could be bad.

Keep reaching out, we are listening.

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

Yeah, it is the extreme nature of the swings that are getting worse, they are changing so fast so frequent these days with the lows lasting even longer than before and now with these highs where I am like a child at christmas getting everything they wanted which really is a good feeling although pretty tiring for myself and those around me, I don't know how how to describe some of the feelings, if I was to try I would say at the lows surreal, numb and just pure tired to the extremes of pure exitement and this feeling of having loads and loads of energy.

[CrazyLady17]

Oh you poor thing, wish I could make things better but I'm afraid I can't. I know exactly how you feel as I feel that way most of the time, but with time and patience it'll get easier trust me.

Hang on in there!

[metal bear]

Yeah been this way before and it got better but back then I found it easier as I knew where the problems in my life were and I knew what to do to beat my problems and my deamons which I done but this time I don't know why I am feeling like this and with the negative thoughts I know that they are only thoughts and with them being only thoughts it dosn't make them real.
I also try and keep in the back of my mind what I felt like at my lowest so I know to do my best to stop me going down that path again but somethimes I just think that I am wasting my time as I may just be that type of person.

[CrazyLady17]

Oh dear lovely!
I really do feel for you. Try and stay strong that's all anyone can ask to be fair, keep reaching out for support and we are here always to listen.

Take care!

(((Hugs)))

[Frame]

Often, Metal bear, when I'm in this mood:

Argh want to write a hell of a lot more but I don't know what to write even though I am in the mood to write!

I just start scratching on the paper. Sometimes the doodling or typography is more beautiful than the sentence. After a while something comes out that couldn't be described in words. Sometimes it's the cadence or the spaces in between the words.

You can try to describe it later; sometimes it's the expression, just getting it out, that's important.

[metal bear]

Thanks Frame, tried that but end up drawing patterns, look cool though but I suppose writing, typing just sodn't work for me. Although I have dusted down my old guitars which is kinda helping. Got the feeling that I need to make more changes though but I just don't know what yet.

[CrazyLady17]

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

And here comes the low, even after a few whiskys and listening to some skynyrd I still feel like shit for no reason, starting to feel even more isolated as when I try to talk or something I just feel like I am pissing my wife off, really not seeing the point of it now and not even sure why I am posting lol but meh don't see the difference I would make in or out of anyones life

[CrazyLady17]

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

Well now after a few more weeks working in the charity shop I feel that I am gaining some confidence which is a good thing think and I am starting to be able to talk more to others which I am proud about

Still getting the low moods but they are getting less and less so again I think this is positive

Stopped posting on here for a small wee while as I thought I was wasting my time but I actually think being able to post things like I have have helped me when thinking about it, good wee place is this

[CrazyLady17]

Well done you!
I'm so so proud of you.
You should be proud of yourself too, I know I am.

(((Hugs)))

[metal bear]

Thanks there is still stuff I need to sort out but that will be done soon and that will be real progress

[CrazyLady17]

Good for you