Worse then ever!!

[Laura90]

Think i have finally come to the point where I emotionally cant take much more! HAVE NEVER experienced the feeling of not wanting to be in this world anymore and always felt like personally that thought would never even come into my head because I have two of the most beautiful children in the world to live for but tonight I have just felt like im just wanting not be sad anymore, I dont know how many more tears I can cry! My partner as much as I love him to death doesnt see how incredibly depressed I am and even though he is the one person I expect to believe what im saying he in no way believes that I am as bad as I am! His out at his friends fishing and wont be home until tomorrow night, tried calling to really tell him how im feeling tonight and that im on the verge, he thinks im just over reacting and that everything will be fine when he comes home tomorrow but im just going over and over in my head who I can get to take my children until he gets home tomorrow! What do i do with myself! If the one person I expect to care and accept that im reaching out to him doesnt even see whats going on then who else will???

[DEP280]

To answer your question of “who else will care?” We do. We see and understand what you are going through because we feel and experience the same things you do. I know sometimes you will feel low and I understand that reaching out is hard. But I think you are taking a step in the right direction by using this forum. Hang in there.

Not that this is the full solution, but it might help also if you find your happy thought or thoughts. I keep a couple things that my children have written to me over the years in my journal. In both cases, my children have written letters to me as a school assignment when they were asked ‘who they admire the most, and why.’ Each child wrote their essay with different reasons, but long story short – these essays and a couple of mother’s day letters have played important roles in pulling me back into reality.

My ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ has always been my two boys. I use them as my guiding force often to pull myself out of my deepest drops. They are my happy thoughts and my reason for pushing on. When I think I just can’t do this anymore, I remind myself of what I have with them by reading their letters.

I hope I have been helpful. Know that you are important to this world. You bring love and stability to two wonderful gifts, your children. Hang in there and take care. Dep280

[Laura90]

Then you so much for your reply! Helped immensely! Though my children are still too young to write me letters, my daughter has just learnt to draw smiley faces and drew four smiley faces and said that it was our family! I treasure that! Thank you for reminding me that im not the only one in the world feeling this way like I sometimes feel! Feels that little bit better when complete strangers are willing to take time out of their day to listen when you feel like no one else will! Thank you

[Angel 5]

[size=18][/size]I know exactly how you feel Laura. I almost lost it last night and gave in to the urge to be done with life. I was thinking of pulling a "Whiteny Houston," if you will. I'm just so tired of living, being in pain, and there have been so many losses in my life lately. My kids are grown and so do not need me as much as yours do. They are what kept me going for so many years, now, without them close, it is all just too overwhelming. Yes, I beat it back last night, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I just joined so I need to introduce myself. Maybe later tonight. I just want to tell you I have been there and it was my kids that kept me alive. You have to do the same for you. I don't know people here yet, but I firmly believe there are a lot of caring souls who want to support you, as do I. You must fight on, we both must. I'll be here to support you in any way I can. Keep posting and let us know how it is going. I'll be checking in on you. Your love for your kids will be your strength. Angel 5