High Anxiety

[Mich]

My anxiety is very high today. A couple that we know from my son's hockey and soccer teams has invited us over for beer and pizza tomorrow night. We very very rarely do anything social like this and I am glad because I just cannot handle it. My anxiety is already through the roof and I don't know how many xanax I am going to have to take to get through it.
I don't want to sit and talk to people for 3 hours. I have nothing to say and I am just horrid in social situations.
I have nothing decent to wear. I wear the same thing day in and day out and trust me, it is not stylish.
I don't want people to ask me what I am up to because I am up to nothing.
I don't want to sit there for 3 hours watching my husband subtley flirt with the woman.
I don't want to go. Not at all. And my family is making me feel like I have to go. I want them to go without me but my husband does not feel comfortable with that. Too bad I say....it is making me too upset just thinking about it. I cannot cope with this...not at all.

[dandelion]

((((((((((((((((((( Mich ))))))))))))))))))))))

i wish i know what to say to you, a hug is all that i can offer now. You are in my thought, please be better soon and be well *hugs*

dandelion

[shatteredhopes]

Take a xanax just a bit before, and you should be calm at least. Or, just let the beer loosen you up. When people ask what you are up to, tell them you are a housewife and considering volunteering at the hospital or whatever. Re-read Warmie's jokes and be prepared to tell a few jokes, then people will think you are funny and you don't have to communicate on a personal level. Ask them about themselves. Ask open ended questions and just let them talk.

I know socializing can be torture, but you can get through this and you might be surprised and make a friend you could go to the movies or for coffee with when you are able, or even call upon to pick up the kids when you need alone time. You never know. It might be good practice for meeting people you do want to socialize with.

I know its hard. Especially when you have to feel like you are acting because you are so depressed but don't want to let on...but if you do this, I bet afterwards you will feel good about having done it. And your family will appreciate it.

Wishing you light and peace in your day...prayers for you to get through this.

[shatteredhopes]

P.S. If you have a pair of jeans, can you splurge on a pretty top? Its pizza and beer after a game, so will be casual, but at least something new might make you feel a little better while you are wearing it. Just a thought...

[xn728]

i dont like going out mich ,like you im always railroaded,go on it will do you good im sure they say ,so i scrub up and go ,and you know ,a couple of drinks and it all seems to pass without me feeling like ive been there ,i tend to watch people coming and going ,looking at there happy faces and trying to work it all out ,im sorry you feel like this mich ,hope it works out somehow , xn728

[shatteredhopes]

Another thing (((((((((((((Mich))))))))))))))), if you have two cars take both cars. You can excuse yourself after about an hour, not feeling well, have something I have to take care of, whatever, and leave...can you talk to your husband in advance and agree to stay only a set time unless you feel comfortable enough to stay, pre-plan a signal and your escape route? I almost always drive myself to events and places so I feel the comfort of being able to leave if I need to...others can stay and have fun but I shouldn't be obligated to handle more than I'm able...

Sorry, ((((((((((((((Mich)))))))))))))), that you are being pushed into this. But it might be okay...I know I really didn't want to go volunteer that day, and felt like an alien the whole time and ready to cry, but I got through til I could take it no longer and just said "I have to go" and left. But was so relieved when I got home and proud that I did it, had an okay night afterwards. Went to that function, and felt mixed about it, but I've got to force myself to get out some, or I am in danger of becoming someone who will never leave the house...and is does help not to be completely isolated.

Again, if you try a group, that will get you used to socializing a bit with people who UNDERSTAND and won't feel the same pressure. After a number of sessions, if there is someone you identify with, ask for their phone number or e-mail or invite them to join you on this site or for coffee afterwards or something.

Your family is trying to help in their own way, trying to get you out. If only that cheer up thing worked, but I'm sure they mean well and want you there.

I hope you can get through it. It will be okay. Just try to plan as much in advance as possible, like a signal to your husband to leave or jokes to tell or what you might ask to get the conversation moving without having to talk much. Preparation, for me, can be half the battle. If I'm a bit prepared for how I might get through it, or how to get away if its just too much, then I feel more secure trying things. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes, they turn out better than I could expect.

Thinking of you...

[Mich]

Thank you for all the support.

I did go out and buy a sweater that I can wear so at least I will be presentable. I would love to take two cars so I can leave early on my own but my husband always wants me to be the designated driver so he can drink. He doesn't drink a lot but he does like to enjoy a few beers when he goes out. He might go for that idea but might not be too thrilled. I will throw it out there tonight and see what response I get.
The other problem is I don't eat pizza. Way too many calories for me to handle. I am hoping she has a salad or something with it otherwise I will be uber-stressed out trying to get down a piece of pizza

Going out to get the sweater was challenging. My impulsivity is still very high and I am afraid I am going to blurt out something inappropriate or worse, jump in front of a car or something. I have sequestered the rest of the day and mostly slept. I am surprised I slept because I have consumed a ton of coffee. That is likely not helping my anxiety.

[xn728]

be positive mich ,shine so brightly mich ,SHINE ,,,,xn728

[shatteredhopes]

Good for you (((((((((Mich))))))), despite your fears about impulsivity, you went out and got a sweater! Be proud of yourself.

You can always say your stomach is upset as the reason for picking at the food, as when I am in high anxiety situations MY STOMACH IS UPSET so I wouldn't be lying. Plus, if your tummy is upset, that would be a reason to have to cut the evening short.

But, please try. Please try to eat. I know you are anorexic, and I am worried about you drinking a lot of coffee and not eating. Pizza is not that bad in calories compared to some other stuff, so one slice, if you can force yourself to eat it, would be good. Stewed tomatoes in the sauce are very healthy, protein in the cheese, and veggie toppings can be healthy.

Just try. Do the best you can. It may go better than expected.

I remember one time, I was all alone except for the animals, and I forced myself to go with a group of church women to dinner. They were all talking about their families and I felt so sad and so much longing, I wanted to cry...but I was so alone, it was still good for me to be with people.

I am alone most of the time, maybe that's why I talk so much/post so much. Sometimes its okay. Sometimes I just wish I had a pet to hold or a person to hug. Sometimes I go to the grocer or somewhere just to force myself to get out and see people so I know I'm not all alone in the world. I know its hard to socialize when depressed, but if you can force yourself to do it, in the long run, I think it helps a bit to be with people. Its not healthy to isolate too much, and I realize you have your family, you are not alone, but maybe in reaching out a little you might find some kindred spirits along the way who understand and whom you can talk to about innermost agonies and insecurities and hopes and dreams.

Hoping all goes well, and wishing you calm, peaceful, serene feelings. Glad you slept.

[Mich]

I am filled with anger and resentment at my husband for not respecting my feelings and pressuring me to go. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

Shatteredhopes - thank you for your kind encouragement. I just wish there was some sort of acknowledgement from my husband re the effort and internal strength it takes for me to do something like this. I guess I cannot expect them to understand if they have not lived it.

[shatteredhopes]

How did it go ((((((((((((Mich))))))))))))))?

Thinking of you...

[Mich]

Hi - I took a xanax, had one beer and survived the outing. It was very hard especially when everyone wanted to play a game called Guesstures which is a charades type game. I am way too shy and inhibited to play charades so that was pure torture for me. Otherwise, the conversation was pleasant and I managed to eat a piece of pizza and look normal doing it. Nobody ever asks how I am doing....they only ask what I am doing all day which is equally tough to answer. I talked about my Spanish study for a few seconds and then got them talking about themselves.
How are you doing today Shatteredhopes?

[blueisgreen]

Hi Mich,
I haven't been on here for a few weeks. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and I wasn't around to respond and support you. Sounds like you did really, really well.
I suffer from social anxiety and I have issues turning very red for no reason and other embarrassing things I can not control. I have also found that most people are so self centered that it doesn't matter what you say anyway, as long as you remain polite. Staying polite yet quiet has seen me through many social situations I did not want to be a part of.
Anyway, I'm glad you survived and even got a new sweater out of the ordeal!
Congratulations to you. I hope you have a great weekend.