trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

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Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:31 pm

trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby Butterfly89 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 2:47 pm

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this forum. I really need someone to talk to and with people who understand what it's like living with anxiety and depression.

I have been married to my husband for 4 years now, known each other for 10 years. We fight a lot and it seems to be getting worse but we still have really good moments too, I love him a lot.

Recently my husband came to me and told me about a fantasy of his, for me to sleep with another man as the jealousy really turns him on. I was so conflicted with this as I am very loyal and have always had trust issues (my dad cheated on my mum). It made me feel sick that I this idea was put upon me, I felt a bit pressured but at the same time I thought It could be fun. I have only ever had one partner, my husband. It terrified me that it could damage our relationship.

So I contacted a friend I'd known for years who I knew liked me sexually. We ended up spending the night together and I told my husband all about it. He was really into it at the time and said how much it turned him on.

Weeks later he brings it during arguments and calls me a b*tch, w*hore and c*unt. Saying I shouldn't have let this guy c*um in me and all kinds of nasty things. I try telling him that this was actually HIS idea and I felt pressured. I feel like it has ruined our relationship.

I also have developed feelings for this friend and think about him all the time now, but I still love my husband too. I already have anxiety badly and this is making my life a living hell every day. I'm drinking a lot more, even at work sometimes which is the scariest thing. I hate who I've become. I've given up with healthy eating, exercising and generally feel I'm worthless. I don't know where to go from here.

I must also say I am from another country, it is just me living here with my husband in his country.

Can anyone offer me some advice? Everything is just a mess.

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Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2017 1:37 pm

Re: trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby Nikilia » Thu Oct 12, 2017 3:29 pm

That seems like a complicated situation you’re in. I think the first thing you need to do is find a way to start taking care of yourself. Until you do start going back to a healthier lifestyle, you’ll find it incredibly difficult to tackle the other problems you’re having. I’m sure you know the psychological effect of alcohol so this would be a good place to start. It’s not for me to preach though so please don’t feel I’m in any way judging you. As far as your relationship is concerned, I don’t know if you are able to have an open and frank discussion with your husband about how his anger has affected you and that something has got to change in order for you to start feeling better. If not, then you should think about what’s in your power and control that can change. Try to tackle each issue on its own to avoid becoming overwhelmed. If you feel you’re becoming frustrated, then take a break and compose yourself. Keep posting on here with how you’re feeling and take care.

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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:50 pm

Re: trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby Monnieloves » Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:29 pm

Hello. A previous coworker of mine was married and had the idea of a threesome with his wife and another female. Surprisingly, his wife agreed. Well to make a long story short, the wife ended up leaving him for the other woman. Someone once said 'once you get what you want, do you want what you get'. Have you considered marital counseling or maybe discussing issues with a non-judgemental third party. Hope everything works out for you.

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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 5:03 pm

Re: trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby du4mmb » Mon Oct 16, 2017 9:50 am

So sorry. You have value and purpose just as all of us have. Believe it. It’s true. And don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. You know that drinking is a temporary fix, but will only cause more depression and anxiety. Please don’t go there. You and your marriage are worth fighting for. You and your marriage were meant for so much more! Please consider going to a professional doctor to take care of your health, and then a marriage counselor. Having been in a similar situation, I now know we were meant for so much more. Believe it. It’s true! Please take care of yourself. You can do it.

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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 9:58 am

Re: trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby Imnothere » Tue Oct 17, 2017 10:51 am

From what you wrote, I'd suggest counseling. Not marriage counseling yet, but counseling, which means you go by yourself first, then seek marriage counseling (with or without your husband) when you feel ready. If that's too expensive, some NGOs like YWCA and local churches might be able to help.
You might also want to try joining a support group for people who need to deal with drinking. I know some hospitals and NGOs hold such groups, so maybe you can call the nearest hospital for information, or google it.
Take care and wish you luck.

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Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2017 8:28 am

Re: trouble with my marriage, needing to drink more

Postby kissntears06 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:49 pm

please stop drinking it makes you sick alcohol is not the answer for your problem you having right now, you need to be healthy and fix all the problem between you and your partner, start calling your family to tell them about your situation cause they only one who can understand you and comfort you for real, always stay positive and dont forget to pray, stay strong you can do it,

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