Depressed boyfriend has isolated himself

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Hope Springs
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 3:25 pm

Depressed boyfriend has isolated himself

Postby Hope Springs » Wed Sep 19, 2018 3:51 pm

Hello everyone. I hope that somebody can help me.

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 years and he has been the most loving, kind and consistent man I have ever met. He was diagnosed with depression 1 year ago and had 6 months off work. Whilst this was a very difficult time for him, he continued to be very loving and we were really happy together. 6 weeks ago, totally out of the blue he broke up with me saying that he felt emotionally numb and wanted to be by himself, had no interest in seeing me and couldnt give me love because he didnt feel anything about anyone. This absolutely broke my heart but I accepted what he said and didnt want to put any pressure on him or make any demands. A few days later he got back in touch saying that he was sorry and had made a terrible mistake and could I be his girlfriend again. I was so happy. He seemed like his old self and we put in place an arrangement that if he felt that he was going downhill he would say that he needed some time out and get back in touch again when this had passed.

All was great until 2 weeks ago when I sensed that all was not well (he wasn't sleeping and was not as 'loving' as usual, wasn't making any plans to see me, was inconsistent in his communication and wasnt expressing any love towards me). I now havent seen him for 3 weeks. We spoke tonight and he told me that he feels like he wants to be left alone, doesnt want anybody ringing him or seeing him, he has no interest in doing anything (other than sitting in his flat by himself), feels numb and feels sick when the phone goes or a text comes through because he doesnt want to communicate with anyone. He says that he doesn't want to be like this but this is how it is for him and he hopes it passes. It felt like I was talking to a friend rather than a boyfriend. I didnt make any demands of him but instead told him that I understood and I am here if he needs me and I asked him to check in with me again which he promised to do. He is seeing the Doctor for his usual depression/medication check up in a few weeks and says that he will explain how he feels to her.


I feel like I am losing the love of my life to depression and the mere thought of this causes me so much pain. Whilst he isnt specifically saying that he doesnt want to see me again it really doesnt feel like we are in a relationship and I feel so sad that my fun loving and romantic man has turned into this recluse.

Has anybody else experienced this and if so, is your relationship back on track? I love this man so much I would happily wait for him but I don't know if this is wishful thinking on my part that all will be ok in the end.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I will really appreciate it if anyone replies.

J.Bradley
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2018 1:37 am

Re: Depressed boyfriend has isolated himself

Postby J.Bradley » Thu Sep 20, 2018 4:10 am

Hey I've actually felt the same way before. Like I would prefer to be locked in my room and just let the world turn on forgetting about me. Me and my gf had very similar issues. Wed be on for 6 or 7 months break up for a month then back together for a while and each time it was me feeling like your boyfriend does. What really made a change for us was instead of me going by myself to the doctors she would come along too. She seemed to think of questions or other options of how to treat my mental health issues I hadn't thought of to ask about. And by her coming and pretty much talking the doctors ear off with questions made me realize and for the first time in a while like she really did care about me and it wasnt just "blowing smoke" as the metaphor goes. Trying to solve a relationship problem on top of a mental health problem separately from the other person just makes it nearly impossible. You have to be willing to work with each other. Even if he thinks like I did about you coming to the doctors with him for example in a bad way. I at first thought her coming and hearing about my problems would make her think I'm some wacko and she wouldn't love a crazy person. If you have any questions please feel free to PM me and I'll reply as soon as possible.

graceforeverandever
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2018 8:51 pm

Re: Depressed boyfriend has isolated himself

Postby graceforeverandever » Sun Sep 23, 2018 10:46 pm

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us. I’m truly sorry that both of you are dealing with such difficult situation. It is understandable the way that you feel because you wish that he can overcome his depression and both of you can continue your relationship. These forums are great for sharing burdens, and venting. Even in the darkest moments in our lives there’s always hope. Let me tell you that you have a purpose in life. I encourage you to think that things happen for a reason.. I have the impression that he feels unworthy or embarrassed with his situation and he does not want that you carry with him. I think that you need to understand that men are providers and he does not work for 6 months, it is a long time and that maybe can make worst the situation that he is living. Nowadays depression can be treated, and he can manage the situation and he can take a normal life. Is the Doctor a psychiatrist or psychologist? Counseling or therapy works through things like this. Your boyfriend is valuable and worth of fighting for. I’m glad to know that you are showing him support. That speaks very well about you. You are a generous person. He really needs that in this tough moments. Please let me tell you my friend that you are not alone. This list –ly are extremely important for your boyfriend is going through: https://list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-up-fr ... n-darkness. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you and your boyfriend in my prayers, my friend. Keep us posted, OK?.


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