How can I support my boyfriend when he's pushing me away?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Joined: Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:35 pm

How can I support my boyfriend when he's pushing me away?

Postby suga371 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:43 pm

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum and seeking advice. I don't have a whole lot of experience with depression but would really appreciate some words of wisdom.

My boyfriend ended things between us last week because he wasn't happy. It came entirely out the blue - although he stated a few months ago that he felt his depression was returning - we had a lovely first Christmas together and he put a lot of thought into planning a wonderful birthday surprise for me. Although things haven't been plain sailing between us, there was nothing to indicate he was unhappy in the relationship.

We finally spoke again today and he's told me it's a mixture of both the depression and the relationship. We agreed to give each other some space for a bit and see how things go, but I'm really in two minds about what to do.

I want to give him the space he needs if he's not happy with me, and he has told me he wants to be alone when he is depressed and doesn't want or need any help. In my mind though, I feel like at this time he needs my support more than ever. I've read online that depressed people often push away those closest to them - but how do I know if this is what he's doing or if he's genuinely unhappy with 'us'?

Likewise, relationship status aside, he doesn't have any close friends or family over here so I still want to be there for him. I don't know how though. I don't want to leave him alone, I want him to know I'm happy to just sit in a dark room with him even if we don't speak or do anything, but it feels the more I offer my support, the more I push him away/he pulls away.

I feel like I shouldn't let him push me away, but I also don't want to make things worse. He really relies on having his own space so I think if I pressure him into seeing me, it's not going to help at all. But I don't want him to get into a spiral of just being by himself and getting worse and worse.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:50 pm

Re: How can I support my boyfriend when he's pushing me away?

Postby heyjosephine » Tue Mar 27, 2018 4:57 pm

I know where you are coming from.
My partner cancels every paln we have. They work as a freelancer and take ever job as they feel like they need to be more. Make more.
But keeps saying you will be happier without me and sometimes I feel like he is not working but just doesn't want to be with me and hopes to push me away and then I will end it with them

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