My life is emotionally out of control!

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 8:03 pm

My life is emotionally out of control!

Postby Mommy0214 » Sun Jul 02, 2017 8:52 pm

Hello all, I am a 30 year wife and mother of a 3 year old boy, I have dealt with depression and anxiety ( and for a long time anger) for most of my life. I grew up in a very dysfunctional situation with a drug and alcoholic father and a very disabled and eventually vegetable state mother so I am now realizing that these things have caused huge impacts on my mental well- being through childhood and now into my adult years. I lost my grandmother who raised me a couple of years ago when my son was only 8 months old and I think that pretty much set my anxiety and depression as far over the edge that it could go ( mind you, at the time of my grandma's passing my husband had just started school and was gone monday-friday) from early morning to midnight and there I was trying to grieve my Grandma with an 8 month old to take care of by myself ( it wasn't easy.) Now I'm working but I work with autistic kids so as you can imagine that also puts strain on me and I'm tired a lot from it and mentally drained but I have to then go pick up my son from the babysitters and play mommy until his bedtime and I can finally passoout! ( right now I'm on summer break) which you'd think I'd being happy and enjoying but my depression just keeps catching me where I don't want it to.... I have extreme anxiety and OCD about things and when my anxiety or need to do what my OCD says doesn't work the way I wanted it to ( my nature is very controlling) I lose my shit and either lash out at my husband or I bottle it up and feel so depressed inwardly that I start thinking this world is better off without me. My husband also has very bad social anxiety and pretty much is as introverted as they come and he has no friends with no family in the state we live in so he also is isolated when it comes to feeling secure in himself so all that and me is like a bomb that just keeps exploding over and over ( I used to have extreme rage and would go into almost blackouts at times where I would get a high and then come down from it but then have remorse) luckily the anger and rage is little to none now but the anxiety and depression has taken over... all I want is to wake up content in my life, thankful for what I have and appreciate it rather than being hateful and resentful. I also think a lot about how this world would be better off without me and if I'm not very happy here why should I be here????? HELP

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Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: My life is emotionally out of control!

Postby littlestarsmum » Tue Jul 04, 2017 12:03 am

Welcome aboard, mama!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and your struggles. I appreciate your courage and willingness to share your story and reach out for help. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you to go through depression. It’s a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the strength and help you need at this time. Are you seeing a therapist? A caring professional would be in an excellent position to help you to cope up with your struggles. Remember that you’re precious and no situation is hopeless. Your situation seem impossible right now, but I do believe there’s hope for a bright future. Stay strong, mama. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

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