Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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Rinner
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:20 pm

Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Postby Rinner » Fri Jul 08, 2016 6:39 pm

Hi All,

I typed up a long thing but it didn't submit. So the tl;dr is that I want to help my depressed boyfriend who has recently admitted to me (through a breakdown) that he is scared and doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to feel crappy all the time anymore.

I want to support him and help him get better but I also have no idea how he feels. So I need advice - How do I support him? Should I try to persuade him to try therapy? How can I get him to start taking steps towards learning how to cope with it?

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CitM
Posts: 157
Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:45 pm
Location: United States

Re: Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Postby CitM » Sat Jul 09, 2016 2:28 pm

The fact that he admitted this to you is a big step for him and shows the level of trust he has in you.

I don't know how much he has told you, but I'd gently inquire how long has he been feeling this way? Has he ever seen a therapist or talked with an MD about it. Are his parents a good resource to help? What is his stress levels like. Has he been through a lot of change recently? Does he have a physical condition that's adding to the stress?

I would start taking an inventory of how long this has been going on. What triggered the sudden breakdown recently. How much stress is he under currently. Is this going to be in the long term or short term. And would any of the following help?

A weekend off where you do stuff that maybe anything from sleeping in to doing some stuff out. Doing something physical, nothing big, go to the beach or pool or shoot some hoops. Sometimes just taking a walk is enough. Watch silly movies or videos.

Consider a life coach instead of a therapist. Sometimes they they are better than a therapist. Most life coaches look at what you got and build from there, and don't look at you as 'broken' to start with.

Encourage him to get a good physical. Especially if some of his issues are physical. If there are some things causing chronic pain and fatigue other than depression, that may do more for him than anything else.

Whatever you do, realize that you have now been asked for help. You can do it with a team mindset or 'therapist' mindset. From personal experience, I recommend that team approach.
With love :)

Rinner
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:20 pm

Re: Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Postby Rinner » Mon Jul 11, 2016 11:42 am

CitM wrote:The fact that he admitted this to you is a big step for him and shows the level of trust he has in you.

I don't know how much he has told you, but I'd gently inquire how long has he been feeling this way? Has he ever seen a therapist or talked with an MD about it. Are his parents a good resource to help? What is his stress levels like. Has he been through a lot of change recently? Does he have a physical condition that's adding to the stress?

I would start taking an inventory of how long this has been going on. What triggered the sudden breakdown recently. How much stress is he under currently. Is this going to be in the long term or short term. And would any of the following help?

A weekend off where you do stuff that maybe anything from sleeping in to doing some stuff out. Doing something physical, nothing big, go to the beach or pool or shoot some hoops. Sometimes just taking a walk is enough. Watch silly movies or videos.

Consider a life coach instead of a therapist. Sometimes they they are better than a therapist. Most life coaches look at what you got and build from there, and don't look at you as 'broken' to start with.

Encourage him to get a good physical. Especially if some of his issues are physical. If there are some things causing chronic pain and fatigue other than depression, that may do more for him than anything else.

Whatever you do, realize that you have now been asked for help. You can do it with a team mindset or 'therapist' mindset. From personal experience, I recommend that team approach.

Thank you so much for your advice. I have known that he has depression for a few years and he has had it for a long time. (10 years I think!) This is the first time he has let me know how bad it is though. He has never really talked to anyone but me and one of his cousins about it because he feels very uncomfortable.

I think I will try a lot of your recommendations. Thank you!

I am trying very hard to go the Team way and not overstep my boundaries.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Postby 100footpole » Sun Jul 17, 2016 11:47 am

This is a learning place.

It might help for you to post your motivations and thoughts along with your actions, and how your boyfriend reacts.

It might give us on the depressed side of the fence insight into alternative ways of looking at what others are thinking.

One of the themes I've taken from much of my reading on here is that depressed people always seem to put others actions in a bad light, and then blame both themselves and the other person because things don't look cheerful.

When I'm not depressed I think I can intuit why others may do or say the things they do. When I am depressed it feels like everyone and everything is conspiring to make me feel like a ball of dung. After years I know this is not true, but that's not the way things feel. It takes practice to have knowledge overcome feelings.... I'm still working on it.

Newbie7
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 27, 2017 12:48 pm

Re: Depressed Boyfreind - How to help?

Postby Newbie7 » Sat May 27, 2017 1:25 pm

Hi,

I have just joined and posted about my boyfriend.

I too am trying to take the team approach and am struggling at the moment. It is hard to know what to do. I have asked him to communicate with me more and he said he is trying. I have posted a long post about us and what has happened in this past week.

Hoping being in here will help me work it out.

All the best


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