Boyfriend has depression and is ignoring me

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Eleda
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:37 am

Boyfriend has depression and is ignoring me

Postby Eleda » Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:42 am

Hi!!
So here goes, my boyfriend of nearly 3 years has depression. It's just past the holidays and at Christmas he was good, we were good. We had dinner with his family, we were talking about the future and buying a house. Even our sex life was amazing! Then New Year's Eve he was in such a bad mood. We were supposed to be going to a family party and he said he wasn't up for it and I should just go alone since he was in a bad mood anyway. I did and then New Year's Day he told me he needed some peace?! (We both still live with our parents) he went to his grandparents house for a drink and I went home.
That was a week ago and he hasn't contacted me since.
He went out last weekend on a alcohol bender and on the Monday he reached out to his mum saying he's depressed and has been having suicidal thoughts. He went to the doctors Tuesday and they've prescribed him drugs. They are also helping him with alcohol as he's been hitting the bottle a lot lately!
He's been off with everyone in the family but I'm the only person he's not speaking to. I sent him a message wednesday night but he's either blocked my number or he's ignoring me.
His gran said I've to just give it some time and hopefully we can continue our life together!
Does this sound common? Im not sure what the best thing to do is? Do I just give him more space and hope that he'll speak to me again? Or do I try just turning up at his house and speak to him that way?
The worst part is that we are still together..he only said he wanted some peace (before he came out to his mum saying he was depressed) and right now I feel I'm just in limbo. Does he want to be with me or not?
His family say he obviously loves me but why is it so hard for him to just send me a text saying he's ok?! I'd appreciate any help on this!!

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:39 am

Eleda,

I think you need to go talk to a therapist for one or two sessions, to get a feel for what might be happening with your boyfriend. A key to depression is that you feel like you have lost control. Your boyfriend's need for space is obvious, and obviously is hurting you. But, you can only control how you feel about it, and what way to react to his actions is right for you.

Personally, I think confronting him is a bad idea until you know more about what he is thinking. Does he think he doesn't deserve you, is he jealous of something, does he have a delusion about what could happen if you guys continue to date? You can't know until he talks to someone.

Think about finding someone you can talk to to make peace with yourself, and then maybe send a message or note through his family that this person has made you feel better, and you would like him to talk to them so they can help you both. You will have help to deal with however he reacts to that message.

Thanks for being the kind person you are. I am sure that there were times when the relationship was hard for you before. It hurts that the only person you can really control is yourself, I wish the best for both of you.

Good Luck


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