Guidance and Being Pushed Away
Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2015 10:35 pm
My boyfriend of over a year has yet to be formally diagnosed with depression. However, he has a history of being relatively fine, plunging into a low for 2-6 months, and then "recovering".
A few months ago, he began warning me that he was approaching one of these lows, and that in the past they have made him push people away. He is charismatic and has always been dismissive of these bouts, and as foolish as it sounds, I didn't think much of it.
A month ago, we were drunk: I was crying from stress and he said he thought he was causing it and that, "all he did was make me cry". He began to panic and said we should stop seeing each other. However, he was adamant that I know his "needing to leave" had nothing to do with how he feels for me, and that I am different from everyone else in his life. I was, understandably, confused. The last thing he said before we fell asleep was that he didn't know what he was doing. Later, I proposed we take take a break and not break-up. He didn't disagree. We didn't talk for three weeks, and then I began texting him.
We've remarkably ignored the elephant in the room of where we stand with each other. In our time apart, I began researching depression and anxiety- terms that he threw around but downplayed. As naive as it may sound, from how he interacts with me via text, I do believe that he loves me, and is pushing me away.
All of this is to say: I don't know what to do now. I want to respect his wishes and give him space, but I feel like I'm only guessing at what he wants and needs. I'm scared to call him or force him to meet in person, because I don't want to panic or overwhelm him. Should I suggest he see someone? Should I ask him if I'm not giving him enough space?
I don't have anyone in my life who has ever been in a situation like this, and I feel very alone. In many ways, I feel that I am the only one who knows what is happening in his life. In a weird way, he wants me, but wants me at a distance?
I'm beginning to crumble a bit, any guidance at all would be a blessing.
A few months ago, he began warning me that he was approaching one of these lows, and that in the past they have made him push people away. He is charismatic and has always been dismissive of these bouts, and as foolish as it sounds, I didn't think much of it.
A month ago, we were drunk: I was crying from stress and he said he thought he was causing it and that, "all he did was make me cry". He began to panic and said we should stop seeing each other. However, he was adamant that I know his "needing to leave" had nothing to do with how he feels for me, and that I am different from everyone else in his life. I was, understandably, confused. The last thing he said before we fell asleep was that he didn't know what he was doing. Later, I proposed we take take a break and not break-up. He didn't disagree. We didn't talk for three weeks, and then I began texting him.
We've remarkably ignored the elephant in the room of where we stand with each other. In our time apart, I began researching depression and anxiety- terms that he threw around but downplayed. As naive as it may sound, from how he interacts with me via text, I do believe that he loves me, and is pushing me away.
All of this is to say: I don't know what to do now. I want to respect his wishes and give him space, but I feel like I'm only guessing at what he wants and needs. I'm scared to call him or force him to meet in person, because I don't want to panic or overwhelm him. Should I suggest he see someone? Should I ask him if I'm not giving him enough space?
I don't have anyone in my life who has ever been in a situation like this, and I feel very alone. In many ways, I feel that I am the only one who knows what is happening in his life. In a weird way, he wants me, but wants me at a distance?
I'm beginning to crumble a bit, any guidance at all would be a blessing.