wife suffers depression

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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PDX54
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2014 1:20 am
Location: Portland, Or

wife suffers depression

Postby PDX54 » Thu Oct 09, 2014 2:38 am

After 27 years of marriage and riding the roller coaster of depression my wife has. I need to do something. For about 18 years or more she hid it well, we have never been super close ( sexually abuse as a child and an abusive father) but we know we have loved each other through the years. it has been a little over 5 year and her depression has gotten worse. She has been on medicine for just over five years. five years ago also I was laid off due to the recession and relationship has gone down hill from there. During that time I found jobs to help support the family, I was no stay at home dad, but it was never good enough, wasn't looking hard enough, wasn't helping around the house enough. Yes i see looking at some website about depression I have fallen into her baiting me and have become defensive in her talking to me. in the past two years I have a great job pays well and even though we still struggle some months she goes into the self pitty tail spin and the depression takes over. The past five years she has either mentioned divorce or seperating three times. All together it has been 4 times during our marriage. The last two times in the last three months. the third time it was mentioned i told myself the next time it was either counseling or divorce. well two weeks ago the fourth time happened and was going to tell her I flat out set up the appointment or bring me the papers. before I could finish, she changed her tune and now we are even more distant. I have tried talking to her about needing to fell connected to her and spending time together but it has fallen on deaf ears. in fact talking to her is like talking to a wall. She would rather evesdrop on what I say to the boys than to ask me directly. If I talk I get no feed back, showing inattentiveness and on several occations she has even started conversations with our boys while I was talking.
Was I wrong in trying to force the issue?
Am I wrong to feel isolated? I only see the path going downhill and I don't know what to do.

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Domenico
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Nov 28, 2014 1:49 pm

Postby Domenico » Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:15 am

I think in such a situation you really got to do something that draws full attention of other towards you and I think might be an adventurous trip on the riverside camping might help you where you will teach your boys who to catch fish with fish stick and how to grill that fish. If you do not know those thing please spent few times on the net to learn about those; because you have to show your full command to show them such manly activity.

Hope you will do best. Good luck

LuisSteven
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:43 am

Postby LuisSteven » Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:27 am

Learn all that you can about depression. The better you grasp the illness, the more effective you will be in giving your care and support. It will help you to understand why the person behaves the way they do, and better equip you to respond appropriately.The depression and the person suffering with depression are not the same thing, so keep them separate. When they express pessimism, anger, frustration, or sadness, it is the illness talking not the person. If you separate the two you will find it easier to cope emotionally. It will help you to be a more effective caregiver

leenabrit
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2015 4:55 am

Postby leenabrit » Sat Jul 18, 2015 4:06 am

You have to give full attention and support to her. At this stage you are the most important person who can help her.

Jim10196
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 26, 2017 2:39 am

Re: wife suffers depression

Postby Jim10196 » Sun Aug 06, 2017 2:05 pm

I understand your plight... it can feel very alone being on the receiving end of a wife with depression. For me it's been about 6 years... out of almost 8 years of marriage. I've learned that her threats of divorce are primarily her attempts to push me away because she "wants me to be with someone who will make me happy" or because she believes I'm "eventually going to leave her, anyway." This might be true for some, but for me it simply isn't the case, I'm in this forever, come hell or highwater. If those are your feelings, just don't forget that this is an illness that manifests itself so much differently than physical ailments. Which, of course, makes coping with it an emotional paradox. If you love her, and want to stay with her, then cherish the good moments and endure the bad ones. But, most of all, try to get closer than you ever have been when she has her good days. It will remind her why she is with you and why she loves you. It's sad that you haven't been as physically close as you could have been... that's an issue that alone can cause marital stress. My wife ha's dealt with years of sexual and emotional abuse as well, including rape at age 5 and 19. Her reaction was different - she became hypersexual..
Which some men might like, but it becomes a catalyst for the ups and downs, and increases the highs and lows of the manic-depression. And it takes out the critical emotional part of a physical relationship. In short, it makes things worse, just as a lack of physical closeness can do. I know it might sound presumptuous, but take every opportunity to make a physical/emotional connection during her good days. This helps my wife, and it helps me, especially when she starts to descend in to a low stretch... I'm not a professional, those are just my thoughts on a whim... lastly, I would say to get out together and do things she enjoys, or that both of you enjoy. Try to fill her mind and heart with something positive, even if it only lasts a little while. And good luck in all you do, my friend. This is a difficult lot.


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