i can't get over this

[angriff]

so i'm engaged to a guy that will do anything in the world for me. he puts up with the absolute crazy things i do. this conversation is just one of few things

He's been putting up with this topic I've been distraught over for the past four months. and i've been bringing it up on almost a daily basis.

Basically I don't believe in sleeping with people without being in love. I've been with 2 people and I'm his 6th.

Well the first night I met him he was outrageously drunk and we were at a house party.
Well when things were over he and I and two friends decided to continue the party at his house.

We were upstairs taking shots and he went downstairs (where his room is located) to get more alcohol. The other girl at the party (my friend) had been trying to make out with him over and over throughout out the night. She followed him downstairs. They were gone for about 15-20 minutes. The other guy that was upstairs with me then went downstairs and my now fiancé came back up.
My now fiancé came upstairs and laid with me on the couch. We fell asleep and in the morning the other guy and my friend came upstairs and left. So they spent the night down there.
My fiancé tried to date me after that I refused because I assumed something had happened while he and my friend were downstairs. Well a year later our paths crossed again and I just couldn't resist trying out a relationship with him.
We ended up getting engaged. A few months ago I started thinking about the night we met. I asked him when we first started talking if anything had happened between him and my friend and he told me he doesn't know what happened. He was so drunk he doesn't remember a thing from that night. He only remembers waking up on the couch with me but he does remember kissing my friend before he went downstairs for more liquor.

Well after time passed I couldn't stop thinking about it. the girl that was there has well over 100 partners and has had sex with multiple people in one night. I've been there. I have always refused to give any guy that had been with her any of my time.

Well I asked her when we first started dating and she said she didn't have sex with him that she had sex with the other guy there that night and that's why he spent the night down there.

Now it's been 2 years and i'm getting married soon and I can't seem to get all of that out of my mind and I feel like i don't want to get married because of it. One night the girl friend and I got really drunk and I asked her about it she said that she was just coming on to my fiancé to make the other guy jealous. that the other guy had a girlfriend but had been hooking up with her the last couple of weeks. she was really torn up about the guy and said that when her and my fiancé were downstairs she was just asking a lot of questions about the guy upstairs since they were close friends. she swore on her childs life that she didn't have sex with my fiancé that all they did was make out. However; she lies about everything. I can name 50 guys she has been with and she will tell everyone she has only been with 20 people. She lies constantly.
The other guy there told my fiancé (since my fiancé was black out drunk and can't remember) that my fiancé was downstairs with her for about 15 minutes, if that, and he passed him coming up the stairs and the girl was downstairs walking around in the bathroom. He said he doesn't believe that anything happened between them.
After we started talking a year later she tried to come on to him three times. She even went and got in his bed at a house party one time and he told me I needed to go get my friend out of his bed. She pinned him in the kitchen once and tried to make out with him and he pushed her off. Everyone has witnessed her trying to come on to him and he has not acted on it.
I also know that after late night sex my fiancé is always bound to fall asleep, especially if he's drunk. I also know that if he's really really drunk it's hard for him to have sex number 1 and number 2 it takes him a long time to finish.
But I want to know for certain that nothing happened or i don't want to get married. I don't want to marry someone that would have ever had interest in someone like that.

The thing is he can never tell me for certain whether it happened or not because he doesn't remember anything. I don't want to have to think about this for the rest of my life and a lot of people say "his past shouldn't matter" but like I said that was the first time I met him. He and I slept on the couch together that night and I can't bear to think he possibly hooked up with the easiest person I've ever known. I just don't find that an attractive quality and all the guys I dated before him were just not into girls like that.
I feel like I can't go without knowing for sure all my life.
I need advice on what to do at this point.
i know that he doesn't remember because he will always tell me the truth whether i like it or not.

the thing is can i not get over this because of some hidden meaning telling me i don't want to get married i have let it become such a shadow over such a wonderful relationship and i get depressed for weeks over it and then sometimes i'm okay. we're supposed to get married friday.

he doesn't remember anything but he believes 100 percent nothing happened at this point after the girl said no several time and the other guy did as well.
this also may have something to do with my past relationship in which my ex lied for three years about having sex with someone during one of our breakups so maybe i'm just impossible to convince.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there angriff it's nice to meet you.

I'm sorry in taking awhile to respond to your post. This is a really , really hard subject to answer. There's no way you can know what happened of course because you didn't see and that must be the most frustrating thing in the world and my heart goes out to you.

The only thing I know what to say and I pray I'm giving the right advice is all of this happened before you were literally dating right ? Unfortunately there is a lot of men and women in the world who hate the thought of who their partner was with in their pasts. But the point is it was BEFORE you were both officially together. Once he agreed to be in a relationship with you then his main focus should be you. He was never with anyone after you both chose to be together was he ?

When you first started the post you said that he is the type of guy that " will do anything in the world for you." That sure sounds like he cares and has put you in his life first. That has to count for something doesn't it ??

I wish I could say more to help. I know you must care a lot about him and I hate to see you throw away a life time of wonderful memories you both could make together.

You are for sure in my thoughts tonight. I hope everything turns out well so much. Please Take Care Always and good luck ( hugs )

[creaker]

What is a past?

Some experiences in our past were great, we wish we had more of them.
Some things we did were mistakes, we hope to learn from them.
Some times were horrible, making our memories recoil.
Some times were sad, remembering these helps us cope with today's sadness.

All of these belong to us, and don't need to be denied to move forward.

Try to embrace what you have now, don't judge your own or his past, and have a great/sad/mistaken/horrible/joyful time making new memories together. Make a fun vow to accept the lot, gulp down life in all its flavours.

"May your life be interesting"

[JonsDragonEyes]

Can you keep us updated on how everything is going angriff ?? My fingers are crossed for you !!