Depression Understood Forums

I am engaged to a guy who has suffered with life long depression. When he is well , he is the most lovely, considerate man I have ever met. When he is down , he is unreasonable and spiteful. He loses touch with reality and it like he believes his own lies. He blames me for everything and is just completely deluded. I find it very difficult to deal with him. I can t sleep or concentrate on my work. Unless I can find a way to cope I don t think our relationship will survive. Any advice or guidance will be gratefully recieved

Hi Trouble. I too am engaged to a man with severe depression and anxiety (and also new to the forum). It's so hard sometimes to not take what they say to you when they are depressed to heart - awful, hurtful words that mimic the pain they are feeling. I've found that what helps for me is to separate the man from the depression. I try and tell myself that it's not the man I love talking, but the illness rearing its ugly little head. It's not a personal attack - I just happen to be in the vicinity when he's having a rough day, and he trusts me enough to show his pain (which I take to be a positive thing - most people who are depressed try and hide it). This works for me because I have a ton of great memories to draw on from my many years with him. Thoughtful, tender moments where he was the most wonderful man in the world. It sounds like you have some of these to draw on as well. Try and think of these when he's down and out and saying hurtful things. And if you're still having trouble moving past the hurtful words he is slinging your way, make sure you have the support YOU need so you don't end up in the same boat - sad and angry.

...and here i am, that depressed man that avoids everyone, so that no one would suffer like you are suffering...So, I'm suffering alone, for many decades with no end in sight. But I'm not suffering from making others suffer, because there are no others around. It is lonely at times, but it keeps suffering away. It is one of a very few ways I can make this world better.
Did I say that? I'm making the world better? Maybe, after another 10 or 20 years of loneliness the world will be perfect.
You, too, may be making this world better by reducing somebody's suffering.