Husband depressed - pregnant and scared

[Zest]

Hi,

Not really sure what I am doing here but I am feeling at a bit of a loss at the moment.
My husband and I have been together for over ten years, married for 1, and I am pregnant with our first. Since we found out I was pregnant he seems to have slipped into depression.
He has realised that there is a problem and knows he needs help but I feel like I am in limbo right now.
His symptoms seem to include bouts of anxiety, crying and hopelessness, a complete lack of self esteem and some self loathing. He says he loves me, all the time, yet seems unable to spend time at home with me at the moment. He is constantly apologising for being a 'rubbish husband'. He says he needs to be busy, which I understand, but it is very difficult for me being at home every evening on my own with my husband away at least 3 nights a week all night, and most of the evening on some of the others.
I understand that he needs his space, but that makes it no less hard to deal with from my point of view. I just want him back! WHich I know is not going to happen right now.
I am petrified about what will happen in the future, I am now not at work so am relying on him for money - which must make his feelings of crushing responsibilty and desire to run away even strong, which in turn worriees me as I fear he might just leave. He assures me that when he goes out he will always come back, but I am struggling to believe that as he is gone so often.
And of course, a baby is coming, which just makes me want to panic, cry and hide right now. the pregnancy was planned, but the depression has ruined it, he is scared, withdrawn, and desperate to be elsewhere and busy. I am at home, scared and comppltely powerless to help him.
He has tried counselling but has been told he needs to go to the doctor. He seems willing to do this but has not as yet, it has been a few days since he was told this, so not long really I guess.
I am trying to start to fill my days with other things but I am strgugling and am concerned about my own state of mind too. I feel quite anxious a lot of the time and the tears come easily, hormones help with that!
I know it is early days, and I know I want to support him, but I am struggling with how to do this and look after my own happiness, wellbeing, financial security and the baby.
I think I have blurted enough - thank you for reading - I know I need to be positive but it isn't that easy is it!

[nenkohai]

Hi Zest

Wow... so much going on for you!

My wife and I went through a communications breakdown/crisis not unlike what you're experiencing. We got ourselves into marriage counseling. Maybe that would work for you guys? You both desperately need to communicate to each other... through a counselor sounds like it might be a good idea.

A thought.

Best to you and yours

NK

[metaLarsllica]

((((((( Zest ))))))))))


I agree with the suggestion of marriage counseling. Would provide lots of support for the both of you.


Meta

[Royal000]

The key idea is to create a channel of open conversation, where it's okay to be honest and to not get defensive, just to be understanding, compassionate, trusting, and honest. I know it can be hard supporting a person with severe depression but just remember you are their friend! Remember they are your friend, they are not depression.