Please help...I am really struggling to help my girlfriend

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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mfvx4tb2
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 3:00 pm
Location: Manchester, UK

Please help...I am really struggling to help my girlfriend

Postby mfvx4tb2 » Wed Feb 29, 2012 3:19 pm

Hello,

My girlfriend has been depressed for the last 5 years, she was at her worst 4 years ago when she took an overdose with pills the doctor gave her. She has slowly got better over the last few years, but stopped taking antidepressants late last year after finding out she couldn't join the RAF if she has been on medication in the last 2 years. She seemed to be ok in the months after, but since a few weeks ago has started to get very bad again, saying she doesn't want to be alive anymore. She struggles to go out, is in bed all the time, often playing a game on the computer and only really see's myself and our new flatmate. I have tried to get her to go out for small walks and try to talk to her but it seems like i'm making her worse. She tells me she wants to be alone, and I do leave her as she starts getting worse if I don't and says she doesn't want to affect my university course. She has said she wants to tell her mum about what happened 3 years ago but she refused to tell her, I called her Mum to say how bad she is but I don't think she realises the extent. Her Mum called and spoke to her after I called, but my girlfriend said she felt worse after.

I am really struggling to know what to do. I can't stand leaving the room when she tells me as I feel like she needs someone there to support her and show her someone cares. She loves her family so much, they are so close. I have suggested she go back home for a bit but she refuses to go back as she thinks its a step back. She won't speak to a charity and doesn't want to apply for any benefits as she doesn't want to be a charity case. I am working 2 days a week which barely covers the bills, but I'm sure she gets really low during the day and needs someone there. Please Please can someone help me, how can I help her or what can I do. I don't want to go behind her back as I know she'll feel betrayed... maybe this is the best option? She is everything to me and I can't bare to see her like this. Please help.

Tom

Obayan
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Postby Obayan » Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:02 pm

We cannot "fix" someone else. Nor can we take responsibility for someone elses actions, words or thoughts. All we can do is be supportive and listen when they need us and refer them to a professional where they can get the help they need. I know it's hard to hear, but it's how it is. We have to be carefull not to allow their pain to become our own. And yet still be suportive and compassionate. It's like walking a tight wire in a circus act. I hope you and your girlfriend find the balance in your lives.


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