dealing with others depression tips

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

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100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Postby 100footpole » Thu Dec 04, 2014 11:20 am

I like this thread because it explains that there are no rules for dealing with other's depression.

It starts with these truths:

1. I am not responsible for someone else's actions, thoughts or feelings.
2. I can not "fix" someone else. I can only "fix" myself.
3. Do not allow their grief/depression to become my own.
4. Always speak with compassion and respect.
5. Every suicide threat should be handled as if it was the one real time they mean it. Refer them to a hotline and do not continue the conversation any further. Trying to help someone when you are not trained in how to handle a crisis can cause more harm than good.
6. Try to think of what they need to hear and not what you need to say. Listen. Don't hear what you think they mean. Hear what they are saying.

Leads to the question of what do you do when someone needs help:

TackingIntoTheWind writes:

So, to answer your question even if the cause of your depression isn't something that other people can control, I very much suspect that it IS something that other people will be able to help you control.

CrispyRingo (who is depressed) replies with:

I also realized that there are three ways I can fix it

And TackingIntoTheWind points out:

Also, might there not be more than three solutions to any problem? ... As I often remind myself, sometimes it's better to see things in more flexible terms, not always in terms of black-and-white, perfection-or-disaster, ...

And then concerning_giants writes several months later:

We're both students and exam time has been more stressful than ever for both of us because of his 'bad days' but I'm now more confident that we can overcome the current turmoil. He's scheduled to start a course of cognitive behavioral therapy in the new year ....

For me a trigger for my depression is the impression that I have some sort of control and my disappointment when the world shows me that control is an illusion. The cusp of this argument is acceptance and perseverance using compassion and respect. Sometimes, out of respect, I need to separate myself from a situation because my compassion is not being reciprocated and renewed.

TackingIntoTheWind
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
Location: South Wales

Postby TackingIntoTheWind » Thu Dec 11, 2014 8:17 am

Actually, (((( 100footpole ))), you raise a very interesting point. The question of exercising control over my own life, and how much I can do so, is something that has been worsening/reviving my depression considerably recently.
I keep coming back to something His Royal Higness, The Duke of Edinburgh, ( How's that for namedropping?! ) once said. " It is all a question of balance. "
For example my employer has been cutting staff numbers for some years now. And, I and my office colleagues were told that at the end of the year our jobs would no longer exist. So, we all had to choose between taking a volundancy redundancy now and leaving. Or staying, trying to find a job somewhere else in the department, and very likely facing compulsory redundancy, and less money later on, possibly quite soon.
I felt that, as I couldn't change government policy, trying to keep my job there would just be " flogging a dead horse ".
So, if I couldn't change the situation, I decided to take the money now and leave. Decision made, problem over. So, I feel much better, and it was my decision when and how to leave, so I feel in some control.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Redundant ... me?

Postby 100footpole » Thu Dec 11, 2014 11:23 am

I work low on the corporate totem pole ... but high on the skill set. This situation is the basis for the humor in the Dilbert comic strip. A friend I worked with in the 80s has become a "corporate consultant" and tells me that the key to his success is never telling a client NO.

No matter how stupid an idea is, my friend finds an obtainable goal for the client to make the idea happen, and offers to do that goal for a price. Often the goal isn't enough and the client says no. On the other hand, often enough, the client says yes and my friend gets another iron in the fire.

The only problem my friend has is keeping enough different irons in the fire. A few times a corporate client has kept him entirely busy for a year, and then changed direction.

From a primitive point of view, this is much like hunting. Most of the time the meat is enough. Sometimes the meat is plentiful, other times you and your family starve. To a primitive person I believe this makes sense. Modern people have all kinds of layers of socialization that make us think that somehow, if we do our best, we will never starve.

I hear that this is true in Scandinavian countries ... but it sure isn't true in the United States. Working directly for a company, performing a service or task, creates the illusion that you have control. Congratulations on seeing through the illusion.

LuisSteven
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:43 am

Postby LuisSteven » Tue Mar 03, 2015 1:07 am

Depression self-help tip :
Take care of yourself
Aim for eight hours of sleep. Depression typically involves sleep problems. ...
Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse. Keep stress in check. ...
Practice relaxation techniques. ...


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