Why..... that's all I want to know

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Frame

Graywolf
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:48 pm

Why..... that's all I want to know

Postby Graywolf » Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:39 pm

I'm 48 year old man and I sit around and cry all the time. I get to thinking about what I am unable to do any more, and I'm so tired of feeling like this. I can't even provide for my family any more. So what kind of man am I that can't provide for them. I'm sorry but I'm from the old school where a man is supposed to be able to take care and provide for his family. I can't so what does that make me but useless. I've been out of work for over a year and a half. Because of my heath problems. I want to work, but I'm just not abel.
So why can't I get over this feeling, why am I even still here, why do I have to go through the things that I am going through. How can I go on feeling this way. I don't know why I'm even still here, alive. I should have never got off the operating table. It would have been better on everyone if I would have just died.
There would be a lot better life for my family. No bills, no having to take care of me, not have to waste time with me, no more hurtful things that I do, no more pain ,no more crying, no more having to put up with a waste like me. I know I'm just waiting for the reaper to come, I'm that far gone.
I just want to know why, and I can't find out why and I'm getting worse instead of getting better. I'm not worthy of living. I'm sorry that I feel this way, but I can't help it. It's like an automatic thing. I go in to this funk and I can't shaken it for days. So why, why am I like this. I am so tired. I want to go. ..........

du4mmb
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 5:03 pm

Re: Why..... that's all I want to know

Postby du4mmb » Mon Apr 09, 2018 4:42 am

Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? Have you talked to a therapist? Going through depression that just gets deeper isn’t going to help you or your family. I’ve been there too. But having a family made me realize that I needed to be there for them. There are so many factors that lead to depression. And focusing on doubts will only keep you from finding answers. Seek help and find answers. I was there too; but now I have answers. Please seek professional help. Life does get better. And feel free to let me know how you’re doing!

Graywolf
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2018 4:48 pm

Re: Why..... that's all I want to know

Postby Graywolf » Mon Apr 09, 2018 4:41 pm

My doctor is looking for a therapist close to me that I can afford. So I mainly talk to my primary doctor because she knows what financial shape I'm in. I'm on the max meds that I can take with all my other meds I have to take, and its alot. I can't imagine what life would be without the meds. I'm trying to get better but why do I have to go through all this crap. I know that is a selfish way to be but I still want to know why me. I've tried to be a good man all my life and I still have to be miserable with all of what's wrong with me. I am trying to get back to my old self but it's going to be a long hard road back. It's like I was me one day and now I'm a basket case. I know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. It feels like I am because I feel so lonely it's like I'm on a deserted island surrounded by sharks, my family and friends are the sharks just waiting to have me for lunch. So I stay on my little island and find my spot and stay there.
I know that I'm a big looser, just waiting for my turn to leave this strange mindset or illness what ever you want to call it. I guess I'm just tired, tired of this feeling, and don't have a clue what to do. All I can say is I'm really trying.


Return to “Family and Friends of People Living with Depression”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests