Misunderstood

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AmyHoe
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:50 am

Misunderstood

Postby AmyHoe » Wed May 26, 2010 3:30 am

Hie everyone,

I'm new here and am suffering from depression as well. I have to take life day by day, a step at a time. If people push me to look to the future I breakdown. It's just too stressful for me.

I've tried seeking medical help, but found that my psychiatrist was useless and the meds made me sickly. So I stopped going and stopped my meds.

I've been on my own ever since. It's been a bit better but it's coming back more and more frequent nowadays and it's getting worst.

I can't deal with the pain inside. No one understands. Some people even think I'm weak. I always plan and think of suicide, but never summed up the courage to do it yet. Even joining this group and typing this is hard. I had to type and delete this so many times. But it just makes me feel better to see others who are going through what I'm going through and they understand. It's a relieve! Sigh, just don't know what to do.

I couldn't keep a job, so I became a freelancer. Working in my own time when I feel like it, so it's not so stressful. But this has made my finances a problem as I no longer have a steady income. My family doesn't understand and thinks that I should work harder to make more money to support myself. How do I make them understand without them pitying me and without me breaking down?

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xn728
Posts: 2129
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:34 pm
Location: united kingdom yorkshire

WELCOME HOME MY DEAR FREIND

Postby xn728 » Wed May 26, 2010 6:13 am

hello amyhoe,,,its hard to explain to others about how your feeling ,,but please we all understand here ,,,so many here suffer depression all in differant ways ,,but one thing we do is understand ,,there is no need for you to be afraid here ,,you can talk about how your feeling ,,we dont judge ,,and we all share or troubles and we laugh here to ,,at times ,,it doesnt have to be all gloom and doom ,,,read some storys here and you will see your not on your own ,,as for telling your family without all the pity ,,try pointing them in the direction of a depression website so they may read for them selves and pherhaps understand a little of what you feel ...i know what it is to fear the next day so much i dont want to sleep ,and the having to face people when i just want to lie alone and in isolation ,but it does get better ,,im not sure about stopping meds and not seeing the doctor ,that could be bad ,,but thats your choice to make, Im sure you will make many new freinds here ,,,and you may find comfort in the kind replys you recieve ,,,,depression gives us gifts you know ,,2 of them are the understanding from being sufferers ourselves ,,
and one of many others is kindness and compassion ,,i hope you find what your looking for ,,,hugs (((((((amyhoe))))))),,,welcome home ,,
and if you should stumble on this long dark road we all travel ,,,then reach out and we will catch your fall ,,,,,best wishes ,,,lots of love ,,xn728 ken
xxx you must never feel alone here x
My lovely wife Fran ,is my whole life ,and in her pain she has supported and never questioned mine ,I must make hers happy and as painless as i have in my power ,,Fran i love you so much ,never doubt it my love ,,,Forever,Boo,,,
xxxxxxxxxx,,

AmyHoe
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:50 am

Postby AmyHoe » Wed May 26, 2010 7:16 am

hey,
thanks for replying me so quickly. my family knows that i used to go through depression. that was about 2 or 3 years ago before i stopped the meds. since then they know i breakdown once in a while but they do not know how severe it is, coz the relapse is just getting worst.

my bf thinks i'm weak for being depressed. he believes that people need to be strong and pull themselves together. this hurts me, coz he thinks i'm weak. but he has been there for me for the past 5 years as i'm going through it. he still cheers me up, makes me laugh, supports me and loves me but i'm afraid if it gets worst i might push him away and he'll just be fed up of me n my depression.

thank u for understanding and not letting me feel alone. i've had so many breakdowns but i could get up from them this past week. but today, i can't. i still can't. i haven't left my room the whole day. the pain is so bad it's eating me up inside. i would really like to end my life right now but i'm afraid of pain so i can't...

i'm sorry for being so selfish, wat's ur story?

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Wed May 26, 2010 8:47 am

Welcome Amyhoe - I understand the pain all too well and I am truly sorry that you are suffering from this. There are a lot of misconceptions about depression ie that one should be able to "snap out of it" etc. Those of us who suffer know that this is just not true. I have trouble expressing to my husband just how bad the pain is and that frustrates me. I think Ken gave a good suggestion to point your bf to websites and/or books that talk about depression and its devastating impact on a person. You are not alone here. This is a wonderful place and has become like a family to me. I am glad you found us.
Mich

TackingIntoTheWind
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
Location: South Wales

Postby TackingIntoTheWind » Wed May 26, 2010 11:11 am

Hi (((( AmyHoe ))))! Welcome to the forum!
Well, for one thing you're DEFINITELY not " weak " because you experience depression. Afterall, Winston Churchill used to experience deep depression. He used to describe his depression as " a black dog " that used to follow him around. And Winston Churchill was sooooooo NOT weak. In fact he's still remembered and honoured for the role he played in winning the Second World War. If a depressive could help the UK through six years of world war, perhaps we depressives are stronger than people think! :wink:
Captain Adelaide Brooke, holding a weapon on The Doctor: " State your name, rank and intention. "
The Doctor: " The Doctor, doctor, fun. "
Doctor Who: The Waters Of Mars

TackingIntoTheWind
Posts: 1060
Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:35 am
Location: South Wales

Guardian Newspaper Article - Triggering?

Postby TackingIntoTheWind » Wed May 26, 2010 11:45 am

" Ah....just one more thing", as Lt. Columbo would say.
One of the best descriptions of how depression actually does feel, is something I found in a copy of the Guardian newspaper in November 2008.
A Guardian columnist and author called Clare Allan described her own, and actually my own, experience of depression in one of the most perceptive and clear ways that I've ever found. In fact reading this article, and realising that I felt exactly how she was describing herself, was one of my first cues I had that I was actually seriously depressed, and not just " down " or " low ".
Hopefully, depending where you are in the world, you should be able to access this article as follows:

Google-search for The Guardian newspaper. This should bring you to the following:

Latest news, comment and reviews from the Guardian guardian.co.uk

Click on this this heading, and you'll get into the guardian.co.uk site.

In the top, right hand corner there is a search button, type in the following:

Thanks Iceland, Sarah Palin and VW.

Click on " Search ".

Then click on the title of the article: " Thanks Iceland, Sarah Palin and VW.
you're a ray of light. "

And this should bring you right to the article I mean. If I was trying to explain to a non-depressive as quickly and clearly as I could what depression actually feels like and how it DOES affect people's lives, I think that this is one of the first things that I would have them read. And then perhaps I would try to get them to have a look around this site for a while. But, if I only had two minutes to thrust a paper into a non-depressive's hands, I might well go for this article.

NB: I am suggesting this article purely for it's clear vivid description of what depression actually FEELS like. I mean no offence to any Republicans, Sarah Palin supporters, Tea Party supporters or anyone else!
Peace! :wink:

NB: I hasten to add that I'm not saying that I've always agreed, ( Or even read! ) with everything that Clare Allan has ever said. Eg: If she's ever come out for/against statehood for Puerto Rico, or abolishing hot dogs. please don't blame me! :lol: :wink:
Captain Adelaide Brooke, holding a weapon on The Doctor: " State your name, rank and intention. "

The Doctor: " The Doctor, doctor, fun. "

Doctor Who: The Waters Of Mars

Mich
Posts: 869
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:44 am
Location: Canada

Postby Mich » Wed May 26, 2010 3:16 pm

(((Tacking)))) I read this....so true. Thanks for sharing.
Mich

AmyHoe
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:50 am

Postby AmyHoe » Sun May 30, 2010 9:44 am

Hey everyone,
Thank you so much for replying and understanding. I'm very glad that I've stumbled upon this forum and met so many warm, friendly people. Thank you Ken, Mich, and the other person, i'm so sorry i don't know your name!

I've been feeling better the past few days, at least i'm able to funciton and laugh..:) but when i'm alone, that feeling just comes creeping back...and it feels terrible. it's like something's just there making you feel this way..
Oh ya, Mich, i get that sooo much the "snap out of it".... it's horrible when people are just waiting for you to snap out of it, but you can't! and then they think you're weak!.... :(

this is a very comforting place, where everyone shares their stories, and it's a good place to let everything out as well, coz no one else would understand even if you tell them...!

thanks guys...you're keeping me going..:)

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Sun May 30, 2010 11:41 am

((((((((( AmyH )))))))))))))

Glad you found us and are posting. Sorry I haven't replied sooner, just things going on that kept me off computer. Electrical power for one.

Welcome, hope you find this a second home and know lots of caring people here.

Warmie
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”
--- Dr. Rollo May
Sunshine, smiles and love.

Depression Forums | Depression Chat Rooms | Depression Blogs

http://www.depression-understood.org/

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:54 am

((((((((( AmyH )))))))))))))

Hi, how are you doing? Just letting you know you are being thought of, hope to see you posting again.

Warmie
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”

--- Dr. Rollo May

Sunshine, smiles and love.



Depression Forums | Depression Chat Rooms | Depression Blogs



http://www.depression-understood.org/

AmyHoe
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed May 26, 2010 2:50 am

Postby AmyHoe » Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:17 am

hey jeanie, i've been posting on a new thread to get ppl's opinions on depression meds and whether they work anot..
thanks for the on going support! really appreciate it alot..

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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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Joined: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:46 pm
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Postby Warmsoul/Jeanie13 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 11:39 am

((((((((((((( AmyH )))))))))))))))))

YW hon, anytime! :wink:

Warmie
“If we admit our depression openly and freely, those around us get from it an experience of freedom rather than the depression itself.”

--- Dr. Rollo May

Sunshine, smiles and love.



Depression Forums | Depression Chat Rooms | Depression Blogs



http://www.depression-understood.org/


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