So I'm going to give this a go...

[MJ]

Hi, I'm MJ.

I have confessions to make but i'm not sure if they'll be on here yet, I'm not sure if it's safe to put them in writing. Ultimately, I aim to get them off my chest.

I'm depressed but can't talk to people in a therapy situation. I just seem to lie about how ok I am, even though I know I'm not ok.

I'm bulimic/EDNOS with a history of self-harm which keeps creeping back on me. My 4 year relationship with the man I thought I'd be with for life, have children with and settle down with etc just broke down.

I want to be happy, attractive and settle my conscience.

I'm sorry if I'm not much use to anybody else on these boards, but I'll try to help where I can. I hope you find time for me.

Thanks

[georgiapeach]

((((((((((((((((((((( MJ )))))))))))))))))))))))))))) <--- hug
hi mj, its nice to have you here... and its an honor to beable to have you post and confide in us. we are a support group and help out w/ whatever we can. there is a chatroom associated also with this site and a blog section. please feel free to check them out. i am deeply sorry to hear about your recent relationship breaking down. i know how that feels, it hurts deeply but i do promise you those wounds will heal. mine are still healing. sometimes its hard to talk in a group setting, i cant personally do it, but chatting with others online who dont know your idenity, is a lot easier. it may seem odd at first but in time you begin to open up. a lot of these people on this site i consider family. they have been there through the roughest times for me. i hope they are there for you like they were for me! nice to have you here and welcome again. i look forward to seeing many more posts from you in the future. again please dont give up, stay strong, and keep your head up!!

[MJ]

Thank you so much for the kind words : )

It's complicated with the relationship. He broke up with me once before, but we ended up together again. It hurt so much the first time that this doesn't seem so bad but I suppose we sort of became friends in the past few months, the sex stopped for various reasons. I'm mainly terrified of having to get that close to anyone else, i'm still at a stage where it turns my stomach to even think about it. All I know is there's a lot of anger and guilt and not enough trust going on. I hope it will work out for the best to be just friends.
Easier said than done.

Thanks for mentioning the chat room but my laptop won't let me use it...i can't download the software or whatever it is. I'm pleased to be able to use the forum though.

Thanks again for the welcome
x

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( MJ ))))))))))))))))))))))

Welcome to our little community. Think Georgiapeach said it all, and very well put I might add.

Sorry you can't get to the chat room, really a nice place with lovely and caring people, Peach being one of them. Hope in the future you will be able to get there. Until then, keep posting.

The key is we do care.

Warmie/Jeanie

[georgiapeach]

((((((((((( mj and jeanie )))))))))))))))))
there are other ways to enter the chatroom, if you are interested in how to enter, please feel free to pm me and i can give you step by step instructions to help you gain access we are always welcome to having new chatters come along and we enjoy their comany...

[Monty]

I'd also like to welcome you here MJ. Like with a lot of things for me, the more that I do something the easier it gets (if you visit very often you will seem that I sometimes am afflicted with verbal diaherrea). Behaviors like lying, are dangerous when they become like second nature. Being able to share the important things that are going on in your life with us is at the opposite end of the spectrum. I am hoping that you will find it beneficial when you are able to do this.

As someone mentioned, this is a support group. We are here to listen to each other, which is the big thing that a lot of people with depression (our family and friends soon "tire" of us, not having any idea that a lot of time we deal with living with this black dog, all of our waking hours) seem to ask for in others.

Listening is something that the members that visit this forum, do very well.

We also know that it is best to be patient, and let those people who need to share, do it on their own time schedule, when it is safest for them.

[Katietron]

HI MJ, welcome and hope you like it here.

[MJ]

Thanks for your understanding, Monty I agree with everything you've said and I think I'm working towards talking about myself a little more now.
Also hello to Katietron, nice to 'meet' you

[georgiapeach]

((((((((((((( mj )))))))))))))))))
hope all is well with you, and hope you are still around. if you are i look forward to seeing more posts from you!!! nice having you here

[MJ]

I'm around yeah. I don't know maybe these boards aren't for me after all...I find it difficult to give advice to others and in turn that means nobody will have any for me. Don't know that I fit in here.
Thanks for asking if I was around though.
x

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( MJ ))))))))))))))))))))))

We give support, we are here to listen and respond. No pressures on you, please, not what the boards are here for.

Of course you 'fit in', why wouldn't you? You struggle and need understanding and support. That you will get, giving advice to others isn't a requirement.

Please continue posting and we will do all we can to be there for you. OK?

Jeanie

[MJ]

OK. I just had no responses to one of the posts that was most important to me and I thought maybe I need to find somewhere else. I don't think I fit in because some of my issues are asside from depression but I hadn't realised how differently they're probably looked upon. I thought people would consider my eating disorder as a contributing factor to my depression or a coping mechanism etc but i suppose I'd best keep it to myself or find a forum that is better suited to that. I don't know.
I also hope people don't think i'm a bit selfish to expect support from others and have nothing to give in return and I'm worried that if I do offer advice I could make things worse and my opinions might come across wrong.
I'm just a bit confused. I will probably post again at some point.
x

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( MJ ))))))))))))))))

Many things lead to depression and many things come off of depression as well. Any issue you have, feel free to talk about it here.

I am sorry you felt ignored by others, not the intent of the room. We don't ask for you to try and do something that you just can't do at the moment. Perhaps in time it will fall into place for you. Till then, please continue posting and they will be read.

Can't always reply quickly, but will do my best to be here for you.

Now that is cleared, looking forward to reading more posts from you.

Take care please

Jeanie

[aim]

Oh MJ... I was so sorry to read your last post. This is a supportive environment, and no one should make you feel badly about anything.

In my humble opinion, many illnesses do trigger depression, and vice versa. Feeling that you have no control over areas of your life can make you feel sad, overwhelmed and confused.

I urge you not to let one negative comment send you away... I've dealt with unsolicited nastiness myself in the, "real world," so to speak. You really just have to know that you have VALUE, MJ, and what you say and feel has VALUE as well...

I hope to continue to see you posting. I am sorry that I did not post when you first came on - I was away.

[Monty]

MJ

I read of your intention to not return to the forums, only this afternoon.

From the replies that have been posted, I am not the only one that thinks you should come back.

I have been in therapy for a long, long time. That is because I was always told that "what happens at home, stays at home". It was very difficult for me to open up. I wish that groups like this, had been available in the early 90's. This group has been able to give me the support that I need at a point in my life where it seems like it is difficult to, just put one foot in front of another.

On a really personal level, one of my children was believed to be bulimic. There were all the warning signs there. I have no idea what she was realy feeling, other than to her, it was a coping mechanism. When I could no longer stand back, I did intervene.

Like I said. I knew she was in agony and had no way of controlling certain aspects of her life, so her only way of getting back some control, was to use her food intake.. She did go and get help. Laura was a fortunate one, because she is now a healthy weight. Because of that I can only say, that I am willing to listen to whatever you want to share about what is going on in your life. I could see the pain she was in and wouldn't wish that one my worst enemy, let alone a friend

On another, very personal for me, note is that I have gone the self-harm route. My diagnosis for never being able to work again is my self-loathing. That probably plays a big part in my story.

Not sure if any of this rambling helps.
Something that has held on on these years, is that I tend to not just come out and say what I want to say. It is like if I talk in circles hoping that I don't break the rule of home, of not sharing, but hoping that somebody can figure out. what I have on my mind, without me having to say it.

Bottom line of this one, hope you keep posting. Hopefully you will realize that we are here to listen, and help where we can.