Depression Understood Forums

im a liar. maybe even an actor. I lie. I don't mean to . but I just do.
im fine is all I say. it kinda just slips out of my mouth nowadays without me even realizing it. I got so used to saying i'm fine. it kinda just stuck. I wanna scream and let everything out. I wanna yell. I wanna shout. but I just lie.
however that doesnt seem to be a lie to me but more of an act sometimes. I say im busy but its true most of the time. Just not busy in most ways people understand. im busy trying to escape my thoughts. im busy trying to find ways to stop the pain. im busy running away from my past. im always busy when im alone.
I distract myself tho. I really do. I study and I go to the gym. I take classes for new things. I make sure im not alone in my room doing nothing most of the time. but it doesnt seem to keep my demons away. will they ever go away?
[*] im just tryna open up thro writing my thoughts down I guess

since a stream of terrible events &break downs I have come out living in a fantasy world and lying to sustain this fantasy and in the backwash I let escape the most perfect woman I have ever met whilst hoping to get back with the shit wallet stealing bitch I had children with just for the children's sake