Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Introductions and welcomes.

Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, vince13, Maelstrom, Astrid

Pepper
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:53 am

Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby Pepper » Thu Jan 17, 2019 12:14 pm

Hi, i am 18 and i am a student. Lately ive been so depressed that i barely had any energy to leave my bed. This led to me failing four out of ten classes this semester. I really dont know what to do. I dont have money to afford therapy and i cant get a job because i wouldnt be able to combine it with my university, my insurance doesnt cover it and my parents are very sceptical in terms of mental health. I just feel trapped because i have no motivation, no energy, i cant focus on anything and everything is on fire. My parents dont believe that i failed because of my depression but rather because im just lazy and i know that they try not to blame me, but i know that they are really disappointed. The university allowed me to retake my exams, but i honestly doubt that in my current state i would be able to do that. The worst thing though is that i more and more often find myself in these escapist daydreams and i just cant stop. Instead of trying to do something productive i will just thit there and dream about meeting my favourite characters. What can i do to fix all of that? It just seems that this past month im constantly putting out fires but there are new ones appearing every time i think that 'now this is all'

Jayni
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:47 am

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby Jayni » Fri Jan 18, 2019 9:49 pm

Oh, hon, is there any way you can take fewer classes? What about changing your major to give you some classes you can enjoy, something in line with those daydreams? Go easy on yourself as you are only 18 and have a lot of life to live. If you can get any help can you try a church as they often have free counseling and possibly support groups as well. I pray you find all that you need on your journey to healing and wholeness.

Pepper
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:53 am

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby Pepper » Sat Jan 19, 2019 12:08 pm

Jayni wrote:Oh, hon, is there any way you can take fewer classes? What about changing your major to give you some classes you can enjoy, something in line with those daydreams? Go easy on yourself as you are only 18 and have a lot of life to live. If you can get any help can you try a church as they often have free counseling and possibly support groups as well. I pray you find all that you need on your journey to healing and wholeness.

Thank you for your reply! I cant take fewer classes, in my country the education system works like that: you choose your specialisation and the university gives you a list of required classes for it, and your classes schedule is fixed, you cant move the subject into another semester for example. As for church, in my country both the church and the government are really homophobic and im honestly really scared to go there with my problems as they will very likely call me a sinner who is destined to go to hell or something

JackieJ
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 5:59 pm

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby JackieJ » Sat Jan 19, 2019 6:35 pm

It sounds like you have very few options. Can you think of other ways that you can get some help and support? Does you university provide any type of counseling? I'm sorry that you feel that churches in your country are not safe. I encourage you to do some searching on the internet for free counseling and at least try a few counseling sessions through a local church if something is available. You never know what might happen. There are also very inexpensive counseling options via the internet and even telephone apps. It sounds like you really need to talk with someone. I think it would be very hard to just snap out of depression without the right kind of support.

Jayni
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:47 am

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby Jayni » Sun Jan 20, 2019 5:58 pm

I don't know what country you are in but I do encourage you to seek counseling. Maybe start slowly until you feel you can trust that person. I'm very sorry to hear about the churches in your area. I hope there are still some who believe in love and grace because we are all sinners. None of us have it all together. I know the Lord loves you this day and understands. As much as you can, take one day at a time. I also encourage you to seek God on your own - with your own study (I like Psalms best for when I am hurting) and prayer. Tell Him how you feel and what you are struggling with. Don't give up!

JustTryingMyBest
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2019 12:48 am

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby JustTryingMyBest » Mon Jan 21, 2019 1:17 am

Hi pepper,

I cannot assume your gender by the way you are writing, but I noticed you mentioned fears from homophobic retaliation in your area. This makes me very alarmed, as I have no clue what area you are speaking from. That said, don’t let the depression dig yourself a deeper hole. I struggled with my sexuality when I was around your age, and as a result I lost all my scholarships and nearly flunked out. I know it can be hard but reaching out to a supportive community, if not through religion then try friends, a gaming group, clubs, online chat rooms like this. I know you mentioned your insurance but you might want to see about getting some medication if possible. Some therapies, such as dialectic behavioral therapy, might benefit you as well. Just don’t try and go at this alone, reach out to those you love or who love you.

If you can, please follow up with us. I’m sure everyone would love to hear if you are doing better... it’s why we’re all here.

Pepper
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:53 am

Re: Im helpless, but in a worse way than Eliza from Hamilton

Postby Pepper » Fri Jan 25, 2019 6:35 pm

JustTryingMyBest wrote:Hi pepper,

I cannot assume your gender by the way you are writing, but I noticed you mentioned fears from homophobic retaliation in your area. This makes me very alarmed, as I have no clue what area you are speaking from. That said, don’t let the depression dig yourself a deeper hole. I struggled with my sexuality when I was around your age, and as a result I lost all my scholarships and nearly flunked out. I know it can be hard but reaching out to a supportive community, if not through religion then try friends, a gaming group, clubs, online chat rooms like this. I know you mentioned your insurance but you might want to see about getting some medication if possible. Some therapies, such as dialectic behavioral therapy, might benefit you as well. Just don’t try and go at this alone, reach out to those you love or who love you.

If you can, please follow up with us. I’m sure everyone would love to hear if you are doing better... it’s why we’re all here.


Hello again! I took my last exam this week and I didn't fail it! Also I might be starting online therapy soon if im able to save up for it. Overall I just feel better. I know it's probably temporary, but I finally have a little more energy than lately and I started exercising again which I guess contributes to my emotional state as well and I've read three books this past week alone which is more than in past two months combined. Thanks to you personally and to everyone who replied. I guess I posted at my lowest point, and now I'm feeling better than i did for probably six or seven months. I finally have energy and motivation for uni, which is also great


Return to “New Member Introductions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 282 guests