Why it keeps coming back?

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Joined: Sun Jul 29, 2018 12:23 am

Why it keeps coming back?

Postby Not_named » Sun Jul 29, 2018 1:03 am

Hello, sorry if this post is kinda weird. My english is pretty bad and it's the first time I seeked forums about this.
Background information.
I'm 16f, my parents are divorced and I'm pretty introvert. I only have a best friend that i'm pinning for, but she have more problems than me.
My mom's family have a lot of history with depression, but because they're stuborn and "arent weak" they refuse therapy. Thats maybe the reason of not being funtional all the time.

Today was great, my dad came to see me (He, even if I try to ignore it, is very negletful) and we had a nice time. I even talked a lot, sometimes I can go trough a day only saying 5 sentences.
So thats why when we were having dinner I felt scared when the cliché phrase (but spot on) appeared.
What if I killed myself tonight?
Would they be sad?
Would I feel better?

These lasts years had been awful, the previus one I even had a plan. I took a month to think about it 'cause all the crap of "Permanent solution, temporary problem"... In the last second I backed off.
Only my best friend and a acquentience (?) knows.
Mostly the reason of being alive is my family and friend, thats why I think I'm failling again because EVEN if I had one of the happiest days with them... I'm still coming back to the idea of suicide.

Sorry if this was awfull, I thougth that maybe "talking" would make things better.
Ignore me.

Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Dec 20, 2017 3:24 pm

Re: Why it keeps coming back?

Postby Rachelm2535 » Wed Aug 01, 2018 2:06 pm

Oh I totally get the confusion, loneliness and hopelessness you must be feeling right now. For many years I wished the same things. Even though my life wasn’t horrible my brain just kept thinking of suicide. I felt like that was the only answer. But it is not and I learned this over time. Have you thought about talking to someone like a counselor, pastor, teacher, or even some help number around like 8557714357 or 8002738255. There are always going to be good and bad days, on these bad days you have to keep talking it out. You are worth so much and I can promise you this that there is healing from suicidal thoughts. Please contact someone to help you heal and know you are worth it! I know this because I was once so lost but I have been found. Praying for you - Rachel

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