Help
Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:31 pm
Hi guys,
I haven’t found any chat rooms and this is the only page that I could find so I am writing this here . I am sorry for the long text and for bothering.
For the last couple of years as far as I can remember I wanted to kill myself. I remember that when I was young I used to say that I want to die. My parents didn’t take it seriously and told me to stop. Later I learned that people with mental problems get locked up or they give them some sort of medication that they get “ addicted “ to or they can’t live without them. I have seen people who are dependent on them and I didn’t want to become one of them or get locked up. When I got older around 15 years I didn’t see the point on why should I live anymore. I was ready to kill myself. I have read about people killing them self’s and what is the best way to do it a certain death. I stole a lot of pills before I have planed to kill myself . I had a pocket knife that I had sharpened and a rope. I planed on taking the pills and cutting my wrist and hanging myself I even learned how to tie it. When i got enough pills I was ready. At around that time my friend called me to a house party where i have tried marijuana . For the first time in a long time I finally felt happy and even after few weeks I felt better. I didn’t really understand why is this illegal and I still don’t understand it till this day. Even if the feeling after getting high is “fake” it still made me feel much more better than before. I could focus better and I didn’t think about killing myself. After trying weed I didn’t really look for it. I heard about other drugs and as far as I could remember everyone told me that marijuana is bad and that it’s going to make me crazy and all sorts of stuff. I found out that that isn’t true and wondered if people lied about other drugs too. I have tried other drugs and it made me feel different and probably who I am today. I don’t regret the experiences. If anything I would do more. I don’t feel addicted to any of those drugs. The only thing that I can’t live without right now is nicotine and alcohol. I drink myself to sleep almost every night and even than it is sometimes difficult to fall a sleep. I have smoked marijuana whenever I got to it as I said I was never looking for it whenever someone offered I smoked and later I found friends that smoked sometimes and whenever they were buying they asked me if I wanted some. I never bought marihuana just for myself I have only bought it if someone asked if I can get them some. But after around 2 years I started to feel bad again. I always had stage fright and didn’t feel comfortable around people unless I was drunk . This was during the past two years but for the last few months it got worst. I remember that when I got to school in January I couldn’t focus on the school. During the classes I was thinking about killing myself and couldn’t really pay attention. I couldn’t express myself in any emotional way. I always tried to act happy and help others to feel happy just so they didn’t have to feel like me. I gave away stuff helped people so they could feel better.
Today is the first day that I cut myself and it’s only getting worst. I don’t know what to do and who to tell. My parents don’t know and I am too afraid to tell them. Please help.
I haven’t found any chat rooms and this is the only page that I could find so I am writing this here . I am sorry for the long text and for bothering.
For the last couple of years as far as I can remember I wanted to kill myself. I remember that when I was young I used to say that I want to die. My parents didn’t take it seriously and told me to stop. Later I learned that people with mental problems get locked up or they give them some sort of medication that they get “ addicted “ to or they can’t live without them. I have seen people who are dependent on them and I didn’t want to become one of them or get locked up. When I got older around 15 years I didn’t see the point on why should I live anymore. I was ready to kill myself. I have read about people killing them self’s and what is the best way to do it a certain death. I stole a lot of pills before I have planed to kill myself . I had a pocket knife that I had sharpened and a rope. I planed on taking the pills and cutting my wrist and hanging myself I even learned how to tie it. When i got enough pills I was ready. At around that time my friend called me to a house party where i have tried marijuana . For the first time in a long time I finally felt happy and even after few weeks I felt better. I didn’t really understand why is this illegal and I still don’t understand it till this day. Even if the feeling after getting high is “fake” it still made me feel much more better than before. I could focus better and I didn’t think about killing myself. After trying weed I didn’t really look for it. I heard about other drugs and as far as I could remember everyone told me that marijuana is bad and that it’s going to make me crazy and all sorts of stuff. I found out that that isn’t true and wondered if people lied about other drugs too. I have tried other drugs and it made me feel different and probably who I am today. I don’t regret the experiences. If anything I would do more. I don’t feel addicted to any of those drugs. The only thing that I can’t live without right now is nicotine and alcohol. I drink myself to sleep almost every night and even than it is sometimes difficult to fall a sleep. I have smoked marijuana whenever I got to it as I said I was never looking for it whenever someone offered I smoked and later I found friends that smoked sometimes and whenever they were buying they asked me if I wanted some. I never bought marihuana just for myself I have only bought it if someone asked if I can get them some. But after around 2 years I started to feel bad again. I always had stage fright and didn’t feel comfortable around people unless I was drunk . This was during the past two years but for the last few months it got worst. I remember that when I got to school in January I couldn’t focus on the school. During the classes I was thinking about killing myself and couldn’t really pay attention. I couldn’t express myself in any emotional way. I always tried to act happy and help others to feel happy just so they didn’t have to feel like me. I gave away stuff helped people so they could feel better.
Today is the first day that I cut myself and it’s only getting worst. I don’t know what to do and who to tell. My parents don’t know and I am too afraid to tell them. Please help.