Help

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1234whereisrgedoor
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:19 pm

Help

Postby 1234whereisrgedoor » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:31 pm

Hi guys,
I haven’t found any chat rooms and this is the only page that I could find so I am writing this here . I am sorry for the long text and for bothering.

For the last couple of years as far as I can remember I wanted to kill myself. I remember that when I was young I used to say that I want to die. My parents didn’t take it seriously and told me to stop. Later I learned that people with mental problems get locked up or they give them some sort of medication that they get “ addicted “ to or they can’t live without them. I have seen people who are dependent on them and I didn’t want to become one of them or get locked up. When I got older around 15 years I didn’t see the point on why should I live anymore. I was ready to kill myself. I have read about people killing them self’s and what is the best way to do it a certain death. I stole a lot of pills before I have planed to kill myself . I had a pocket knife that I had sharpened and a rope. I planed on taking the pills and cutting my wrist and hanging myself I even learned how to tie it. When i got enough pills I was ready. At around that time my friend called me to a house party where i have tried marijuana . For the first time in a long time I finally felt happy and even after few weeks I felt better. I didn’t really understand why is this illegal and I still don’t understand it till this day. Even if the feeling after getting high is “fake” it still made me feel much more better than before. I could focus better and I didn’t think about killing myself. After trying weed I didn’t really look for it. I heard about other drugs and as far as I could remember everyone told me that marijuana is bad and that it’s going to make me crazy and all sorts of stuff. I found out that that isn’t true and wondered if people lied about other drugs too. I have tried other drugs and it made me feel different and probably who I am today. I don’t regret the experiences. If anything I would do more. I don’t feel addicted to any of those drugs. The only thing that I can’t live without right now is nicotine and alcohol. I drink myself to sleep almost every night and even than it is sometimes difficult to fall a sleep. I have smoked marijuana whenever I got to it as I said I was never looking for it whenever someone offered I smoked and later I found friends that smoked sometimes and whenever they were buying they asked me if I wanted some. I never bought marihuana just for myself I have only bought it if someone asked if I can get them some. But after around 2 years I started to feel bad again. I always had stage fright and didn’t feel comfortable around people unless I was drunk . This was during the past two years but for the last few months it got worst. I remember that when I got to school in January I couldn’t focus on the school. During the classes I was thinking about killing myself and couldn’t really pay attention. I couldn’t express myself in any emotional way. I always tried to act happy and help others to feel happy just so they didn’t have to feel like me. I gave away stuff helped people so they could feel better.
Today is the first day that I cut myself and it’s only getting worst. I don’t know what to do and who to tell. My parents don’t know and I am too afraid to tell them. Please help.

lovetodance2018
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:11 pm

Re: Help

Postby lovetodance2018 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:56 pm

I am so sorry you are struggling
and that you cut yourself. I am glad you reached out on this forum. Everyone here understands the struggles of depression and anxiety. You are not alone we care and want to love, support, and encourage you. When struggling with thoughts to harm yourself you should get professional help. You might need medication and that is ok. Our brains sometimes have a chemical imbalance and with medication you can feel better. I also originally did not want to go on medication but I also wanted to not feel so bad. A doctor explained to me that taking medication for depression is similar to someone taking insulin for diabetes. A person needs it to stay balanced and healthy. You need professional help. Talk to your parents they love you and want you to get well. Please make sure you call the sucide hotline if you are having thoughts to harm yourself. My daughter cut when she was a young teen because she did not feel like she had control of her life, we took her to get professional help. With the right counselor, medication, and learning coping skills she felt better. I will be praying for you. If you need some suggestions for online programs to help please pm
and I can share the link. Hugs to you!


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