Where do I start...
Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:29 pm
Or when did it start; that's the real question I find myself obsessing over. The other question I find myself repeating is, "will this ever end?" I'm a 30 year old stay at home parent living in the Midwest. Married, one child, one income, but overall as I type this, it doesn't look so bad on paper.... right? Roof over my head, healthy son and a beautiful wife...why do I feel this way?
I feel empty, alone and beneath everyone. My anxiety has taken me to a point where being in public is almost intolerable. I beat myself up because I always wanted to be the fun parent, the supportive parent, the one you could always turn to but, here I am, a mirror image of my own unstable mother (RIP), who was afraid to do anything...I take my son to whatever events I can. I smile, I laugh, and I do have fun (I'm still human-esque); but inside I'm falling apart, and it's only a matter of time before I become overwhelmed and need to make a break for the exits with the munchkin.
I have used art as a coping mechanism for as long as I can remember and I have recently been offered a chance to use my art to make some extra money. Problem is, when I'm around fellow artists, I get engulfed by my anxiety and begin to sink further into my head. What was once constructive critisim now feels like an attack on my existence...it's overwhelming....I used to be an easy-going and understanding person, and now I feel like a hollow shell coasting along on autopilot making everyone and everything around me miserable....the only upside to this has been the weight loss...(silver lining?)
Thanks for looking, hope you're all staying afloat...
I feel empty, alone and beneath everyone. My anxiety has taken me to a point where being in public is almost intolerable. I beat myself up because I always wanted to be the fun parent, the supportive parent, the one you could always turn to but, here I am, a mirror image of my own unstable mother (RIP), who was afraid to do anything...I take my son to whatever events I can. I smile, I laugh, and I do have fun (I'm still human-esque); but inside I'm falling apart, and it's only a matter of time before I become overwhelmed and need to make a break for the exits with the munchkin.
I have used art as a coping mechanism for as long as I can remember and I have recently been offered a chance to use my art to make some extra money. Problem is, when I'm around fellow artists, I get engulfed by my anxiety and begin to sink further into my head. What was once constructive critisim now feels like an attack on my existence...it's overwhelming....I used to be an easy-going and understanding person, and now I feel like a hollow shell coasting along on autopilot making everyone and everything around me miserable....the only upside to this has been the weight loss...(silver lining?)
Thanks for looking, hope you're all staying afloat...