Disapointed

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Tebberts
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 7:36 pm

Disapointed

Postby Tebberts » Mon May 14, 2018 8:08 pm

Hi well im new to this but i really need to talk even if no one hears me just geting out will be enought im 40 years i dont realy know how this works lol but this is my story iv been struggling with dpreshion almost my hole life it is till now its out of control im out control i dont know were im going what im doing or what too do i live a good life i work hard i have everything i want need yet im so sad i wake up finding my self angry for no reson beaing mean to everyone around me only to cry all night cuz guilt i have for beaing so mad im amazing person at least i though this year i have been threw so much i wouldn't even know were start ...yesterday was mothers day iv got 6 granskids and 5 kids it was amazing day dinner drinks it was my youngers boys birthday so why was i so sad so lost i couldnt even eat thin i found my self drinking more more at dinner just noding my head smileing i though my self look this amazing family i have why do i just want scream ...drink after drink i found my self drunk by time dinner was over i had to have someone drive me we continued to my sons house were everyone came hang out and i decided i was going to drink till i couldnt move and i just did that only find my self face planted in a carpet in my sons house screaming at everyone telling them i hated them all and that no one cares about me anymore not only did i hurt my self but i hurt pepole i loved i left my sons home there after i destroyed his evening and all my kids evening so my boy friend drove me home were i continued to hit him cry scream i dont rember anything but the feeling of i just wanted to die i couldn't breath i could understand my hert is so broke i only came home to brake things and then drop to ground and and cry till i couldnt anymore im good person whats wrong with me im not voilent im not mean why did i do this pepole i love i feel so ashamed i shouldn't be doing this beaing im a mom grandma you dont do this i relized my dpreshion is worse then i thought so tomarrow i will find help i need im not drinker so why did i use it to excape it only made my problems worse now what do i do my boy friend hates me will not talk me my son hurt but tells me its okay but its not how can i fix this??? And i feel so horrable.. who am i ?

ahhope4u
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2017 3:23 pm

Re: Disapointed

Postby ahhope4u » Wed May 16, 2018 10:50 am

I am so sorry, first it sounds like there is so much going on it will not hurt to get help and even short term counselling is worth it to help figure these things out- if you have never thought about it- a good counsellor can give you the direction and framework and even in short term agreements you will be supported if you are willing to do the work to dig deep.
focus on family has a network of christian counsellors, and they can help find someone appropriate, there are tons of great articels too regardless of faith affiliation- it is important to find out for yourself and learn about alcoholism-and depression there is lots of information in local community health or chruch centers too. Stick to reliable organizations. State health websites are a great start too. Make the changes to make sure it doesn't happen again- Offer apolagies but be willing to accept God's forgiveness, and forgive yourself as well. Many Blessings

Thatchickwhodraws
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 12:08 am

Re: Disapointed

Postby Thatchickwhodraws » Thu May 17, 2018 6:45 am

First of all you're not at all a bad person for the way you feel. I'm sorry things have been rough for you lately, but the first step to getting better is to acknowledge the problem at hand and reach out and my friend you've done both,though it may seem small every little bit helps. Depression is a very hard thing to understand let alone deal with, its a lonely road. Do you live alone? Maybe your sudden bursts of anger come from as you said earlier working so hard and in a way having so much family yet somehow feeling out of the loop. I've suffered from depression my whole life,and my mother does as well, shes had her moments where she loses it and theres been plenty of drunken moments she hits things,or me, or she rants on how I dont love her or I ruined her then she of course apologizes the next day, I never stay angry because I know in those moments shes not herself and anger is sometimes the only way it escapes on the outside when everything inside you is screaming within. You seem like a nice person, you just feel misunderstood. The first thing you do to get past that first bump in the road is realize you are not sick, you are not a terrible person, but most people will never understand what they havent been through. As our friend said in the comments getting help does help a lot, especially finding the root of it. My suggestion other then that try to find a hobby a little something only for yourself. The way I look at it to get through the day is if I died tomorrow would I be happy with the life I had today,no matter how angry I am or down i feel, and if the answer is yes then I must be doing something right. I wish you the best I hope it gets better if you ever need someone to talk to i dont mind listening, take care friend.


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