I've never done this before...
Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 12:18 pm
Hi... I've never quite done anything like this before, but it's become apparent recently I need to vent to someone other then my best friend who is going through some things also.
I've been having these feelings recently every since I left college last year everything was normal I was going to look for a job, but I've been born with this condition with basically makes work and looking for a job difficult. My family and I well my mum and I went through a tough time she suffers from severe anxiety and depression which meant she kept alot of things from me and I didn't know of the situation until it was too late, until we lost our home and had to move all the way up north. Away from everything we've ever known. This isn't the first time this has happened, and for a while it has always been me and my mum so I've had to take alot of the slack and help her through her dark days from as long as I can remember. I'm 21 now and I've never had much of a chance to be a proper teenager or 21 year old and I feel so selfish to be saying this or even thinking this. When I moved I left behind a piece of my heart my 1 and only best friend and that nearly killed me I cried for weeks and so did she. It's been 4 months and it's not got any easier. But it seems my family just keep asking how my mum is no one asks how I'm dealing with it or if I'm okay. I want to cry all the time and I get mad all the time I'm not happy and it just seems like life keeps hitting me down at every hurdle. I got told I had polysystic ovaries, that my condition might be on my future kids could have and I don't know any body up here. My brothers aren't really guys I can talk to about how I feel because we aren't that close, and my mum well I don't want her to feel any more guilty then she already does. I spend most of my days self hating and not wanting to go out because what's the point, I used to eat my pain away but now that doesn't help and most days I don't eat at all. I feel like I'm getting severely depressed like my mum too and I just feel broken and lost, anyone who knows me if you would of asked them what I was like 5 years ago they'd say happy I had serious extreme surgery and I still came to school and college with a smile on my face making the most out of my day. Now a days I'm just quite and sad. I don't even like doing what I used to love anymore.
I'm sorry for the big confusing context on my life I just needed to rant. Thank you.
I've been having these feelings recently every since I left college last year everything was normal I was going to look for a job, but I've been born with this condition with basically makes work and looking for a job difficult. My family and I well my mum and I went through a tough time she suffers from severe anxiety and depression which meant she kept alot of things from me and I didn't know of the situation until it was too late, until we lost our home and had to move all the way up north. Away from everything we've ever known. This isn't the first time this has happened, and for a while it has always been me and my mum so I've had to take alot of the slack and help her through her dark days from as long as I can remember. I'm 21 now and I've never had much of a chance to be a proper teenager or 21 year old and I feel so selfish to be saying this or even thinking this. When I moved I left behind a piece of my heart my 1 and only best friend and that nearly killed me I cried for weeks and so did she. It's been 4 months and it's not got any easier. But it seems my family just keep asking how my mum is no one asks how I'm dealing with it or if I'm okay. I want to cry all the time and I get mad all the time I'm not happy and it just seems like life keeps hitting me down at every hurdle. I got told I had polysystic ovaries, that my condition might be on my future kids could have and I don't know any body up here. My brothers aren't really guys I can talk to about how I feel because we aren't that close, and my mum well I don't want her to feel any more guilty then she already does. I spend most of my days self hating and not wanting to go out because what's the point, I used to eat my pain away but now that doesn't help and most days I don't eat at all. I feel like I'm getting severely depressed like my mum too and I just feel broken and lost, anyone who knows me if you would of asked them what I was like 5 years ago they'd say happy I had serious extreme surgery and I still came to school and college with a smile on my face making the most out of my day. Now a days I'm just quite and sad. I don't even like doing what I used to love anymore.
I'm sorry for the big confusing context on my life I just needed to rant. Thank you.