I've never done this before...

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Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 11:56 am

I've never done this before...

Postby BrokenFrame » Sat May 05, 2018 12:18 pm

Hi... I've never quite done anything like this before, but it's become apparent recently I need to vent to someone other then my best friend who is going through some things also.
I've been having these feelings recently every since I left college last year everything was normal I was going to look for a job, but I've been born with this condition with basically makes work and looking for a job difficult. My family and I well my mum and I went through a tough time she suffers from severe anxiety and depression which meant she kept alot of things from me and I didn't know of the situation until it was too late, until we lost our home and had to move all the way up north. Away from everything we've ever known. This isn't the first time this has happened, and for a while it has always been me and my mum so I've had to take alot of the slack and help her through her dark days from as long as I can remember. I'm 21 now and I've never had much of a chance to be a proper teenager or 21 year old and I feel so selfish to be saying this or even thinking this. When I moved I left behind a piece of my heart my 1 and only best friend and that nearly killed me I cried for weeks and so did she. It's been 4 months and it's not got any easier. But it seems my family just keep asking how my mum is no one asks how I'm dealing with it or if I'm okay. I want to cry all the time and I get mad all the time I'm not happy and it just seems like life keeps hitting me down at every hurdle. I got told I had polysystic ovaries, that my condition might be on my future kids could have and I don't know any body up here. My brothers aren't really guys I can talk to about how I feel because we aren't that close, and my mum well I don't want her to feel any more guilty then she already does. I spend most of my days self hating and not wanting to go out because what's the point, I used to eat my pain away but now that doesn't help and most days I don't eat at all. I feel like I'm getting severely depressed like my mum too and I just feel broken and lost, anyone who knows me if you would of asked them what I was like 5 years ago they'd say happy I had serious extreme surgery and I still came to school and college with a smile on my face making the most out of my day. Now a days I'm just quite and sad. I don't even like doing what I used to love anymore.
I'm sorry for the big confusing context on my life I just needed to rant. Thank you.

Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 05, 2018 4:33 pm

Re: I've never done this before...

Postby holiday » Sat May 05, 2018 4:40 pm

idk find something that just works for you,
my depression is like almost physical, i feel ill in chest and belly and its almost impossible, as far as i can remember i used to always just watch harry potter movies over and over again until i felt better, idk why maybe its because i used to watch em with my dad when i was a kid but really i do this all the time i feel like shit, i have 70% of the movies memorised word by word :DD but anyway my point is that sometimes the stupidest and randomest things can make you feel better

Posts: 1
Joined: Mon May 07, 2018 7:03 pm

Re: I've never done this before...

Postby MomLeslieM » Mon May 07, 2018 7:13 pm

It definitely sounds like you have a LOT going on. I'm so sorry about what happened with your Mum, I'm sure at the time she thought she was doing what was best for you so you could finish college and not be worried. Of course now, you're having to deal with it :-( It's hard too to be the caretaker when you're supposed to be the kid - and it sounds like its all fallen on you that your brothers don't care or don't know? Has she gotten any help or is she willing to now that you have moved away from your previous home and sources of support? Can you reach out to find a therapist or a support group for you? That would not only enable you to talk to someone but also if you can find a group to know you're not alone and meet some new people -- even if you join a group activity of some sort. Something to get you out of the house and involved in something at least for a few hours a week! Can I ask what the condition is that is preventing you from looking for and holding a job? Also, just some encouragement as far as the polycystic ovaries -- I have that condition and have had 3 children and another friend has them and is pregnant with her 4th child right now - so don't give up on the possibility of having children because of that! Please keep us posted on how things go....

Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:55 pm

Re: I've never done this before...

Postby Janine28 » Fri May 11, 2018 11:02 pm

I too have had polycystic ovaries and I have a 13-year-old son! Don't stress over that....but what you need to do is start taking care of YOU. Yes, I know you probably feel like you have to be there for your mum but honestly....your mum needs to take care of herself and you need to take care of yourself. If you both work on yourselves....being able to help each other will be a lot easier. We are all given a life to live and we all and we need to LIVE IT. There is so much help out there for your mum that she can get to allow you your time to help yourself. How can you help her if you are down? I know this is difficult but all we can do is point someone in the right direction and hope they follow it....if not...it's not your fault or issue to deal with. We are all responsible for ourselves. She is your mum and I am sure she wants you to be happy. If she see's you happy I'm sure that will help her out as well.

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