New and looking for people to talk to

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Jacie72
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:03 pm

New and looking for people to talk to

Postby Jacie72 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:16 pm

Hi everyone,
I’m Jacie and I live with bi polar disorder and generalized anxiety. It’s funny that is how I introduce myself. As if my disease is who I am. I’m many other things as well. A mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Yet, I never introduce myself as such. I joined today because I have been feeling so empty and down. There isn’t one particular reason it just is. If that makes sense?
My only child will be 18 in 6 months and my disease has had me out of work for 8 years. I’ve isolated myself so much so, that I know when my daughter leaves for college I will again know what it means to be truly alone. I look at my future and am frightened by what I see. The picture is bleak and I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be free of the all encompassing sadness I feel. I know this is probably the worst introduction ever. I’m sorry for being so bleak, I just needed to get that off my chest.
I’m really looking to talk and gain others perspectives on my feelings. Sometimes it’s those on the outside that can see most clearly.
Thank you for listening. I look forward to chatting.
~jacie

Janine28
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:55 pm

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby Janine28 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:25 pm

Hi Jaci! It's me again! (my name is Janine actually lol). I read your story and I truly feel for you! I know exactly where you are all too well. Before I get going on my tangent about my life has changed IMMENSELY I was wondering if you have been on any medication? If so, do you mind telling me how many different ones and if they have worked for you?

Jacie72
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:03 pm

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby Jacie72 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:28 pm

Janine,
Hi. There have been so many. I started out with just antidepressants Prozac, seroquel etc. plus klonapin. Then I started presenting manic symptoms so we went to Lithium (which I couldn’t stand) to Abilify and Lamictal (which I gained a ton of weight with the Abilify) now I’m down to 120 mgs of Latuda and 1 mg klonapin 3 times a day.
After all this time (28 years) on meds you would think I’d be good about taking them. But I either think I’m better and stop. Or get manic - like it and stop.
I’m now trying to stay on the path of being on just 1 med for bipolar - but like my 17 year old daughter said this afternoon, if it is 1 pill or 3 pills it doesn’t make a difference if it’s not working.
So as of now, I’m sticking with the Latuda and I’m going to try and find a support group locally that I can try and force myself to attend. Fingers crossed.
By the way, I’d love to hear about how your life has changed. It’ll be an inspiration to say the least.

Janine28
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:55 pm

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby Janine28 » Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:56 pm

AHHHHHHH please please, please. I know your pain! The suffering for me WAS there from the very second your eyes open in the morning! You literally feel every second that passes by, you constantly live in your head and its nothing but negativity. People would say things like "go talk to someone", "go for a walk", "get out of the house and just do things", "choose to be happy"(I HATED THAT ONE THE MOST!!!!).......OBVIOUSLY, those people that tell us those things have NO IDEA what it is like to have any form of depression/anxiety/manic/etc...etc... So why would we want to listen to someone like that because we KNOW that stuff DOES NOT WORK!!! The feeling of impending doom is with us 24/7! and it's not something you can just "think away"! Medication, for many of us, may barely scratch the surface if at all! I wished every day to get hit by a car so I didn't have to kill myself because I know I would end up spending eternity in hell (even though I already am). I would take my son to see a movie and the whole time we were watching the movie I'm thinking to myself "why bother trying to engage myself with a movie because the second the movie is over, the suffering is going to be right there waiting for me" the mental pain never goes away!
Well......I am happy to say.......I am the happiest I ever been in my entire life! I was informed of a medication that they discovered pretty much CURES depression! Please, you have to believe me on this!!!! A lot of doctors do not know about this because it is not FDA approved to be utilized for depression at the current moment. This is going to shock you but the medication is called Ketamine! Yes, you heard (read) correctly KETAMINE! Ketamine is currently used for anesthesia when people are having a surgery. Yes.......ketamine has a bad rap because kids were abusing it (just like bath salts) to get high. But they would get the "high" because they were taking the medication in unconventional ways and in EXTREME doses. I IMPLORE YOU to do research on this.......Actually, I was just in New York TODAY for one of my treatments! LOL This is not something that takes awhile to build up in your system.....THE CHANGES ARE instantaneous in most cases and if they are not instantaneous then you will see results within a day! Since it is not approved by the FDA, the medication is expensive, but what is your life and happiness worth to you!!???? I am not kidding when I say that I would sell EVERYTHING I OWN and live on the streets just to take this medication....AND THE BEST PART IS.......YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO TAKE IT FOREVER! I cannot express to you enough how absolutely amazing my life is! I am 42 years old, I have had SEVER depression, bi-polar, and anxiety since I was about 15 years old! I know exactly what you are feeling and I PROMISE YOU.....I EVEN SWEAR ON MY SOUL that this medication WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! I am currently in Nursing School and I am in the top of my class! ARE YOU KIDDING ME........NEVER IN MY LIFE did I think I was smart or even remotely close to being college material. I was an average student in high school and I made Deans List in College after my treatments started! I wish I could meet you, and people like us to show you that I am living proof that we can have happiness! TRUE AND UTTER WITHOUT A DOUBT HANDS DOWN HAPPINESS....and my confidence???....IT IS THROUGH THE ROOF! I LOVE life and I am so happy right now that there aren't words to describe how amazing I feel. My family cries when they see me because they can't believe how my life is right now. And I am now able to look people directly in the eye when they talk to me! People actually want to be around me because I'm funny, I make people laugh and they know what/where I came from and how I BEAT my depression! There are Ketamine treatment centers in a lot of major cities in California, New York, Florida, Philadelphia and other areas as well. I go to New York because the Dr. there is amazing!!!!!! Trust me, I'm not like a Ketamine sales person nor am I working for any doctor for advertisement, I am living proof!
You have about 6 treatments over a 2 week period. Each treatment is given through an IV drip over about a 45-minute time frame. After the first six treatments you may need what they call "boosters" but over time, you may not need the treatments anymore!. Each person is different, some patients need a booster treatment (at first) possibly 1 every 3 weeks, once a month, 1 twice a month, once every 6 months etc..... it just depends on how your body responds to it. I am down to usually about 1 treatment every 2 and half months. PLUS......I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET OFF ALMOST ALL OF MY MEDICATION!!! Sorry for the caps, I'm just very passionate about this because I want people to know that there IS an answer for us....THIS WORKS...I PROMISE YOU! You can choose to ignore this or decide it's not for you, but I have to at least let people know that there is help! I want to help save people's lives because that's exactly what happened for me...I WAS saved!!!! Please, contact me ANYTIME.

lovingladyo4
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby lovingladyo4 » Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:19 am

Hi Jacie - don't worry - you can feel completely free with writing what you did. This is the kind of forum where you can be blunt and get right to the point. I think you did the right thing by unloading your concerns, and sharing from the depth of your heart. I think sometimes just doing that helps us look at ourselves in a different light. I hope and pray you will continue to engage in meaningful communication with someone; whether it be a pastor, Christian counselor, woman's group, a trusted friend, a referral from someone you know, or anyone you look up to and trust. Sometimes finding the right person can make all the difference in the world. We all have a story to tell, and we all have a deep need to know that our lives matter and count for something.

While I am of the belief that medications can truly help an individual, I don't believe it is the only choice. There are other things you can combine with that one approach. Since we humans have a mind, body, soul, and spirit, it's important to consider all four and pay equal attention to them. The reason I say this is because of what I have learned from my own experience and countless others, who were able to find hope and move forward in confidence and assurance.

I can relate to the anticipation of emptiness when your daughter leaves. I'm sure that will leave this huge hole in your heart, and make you feel so sure it will never be the same. If this is any consolation, 3 of my children left home, while I was battling severe issues in my own personal life, and the friendships that forged together and emerged were ones I couldn't see beforehand, and turned out to be so wonderful! What blossomed was another whole side to our relationship together and God truly showed me how to see their future growth as a blessing for both of us.

Have you given any thought as to what you might be able to do to fill your life during that time? I bet there are more things you can do than you might be allowing yourself to believe. You were born with specific gifts, strengths, and talents, and it's very likely that you will find an overwhelming sense of purpose and fulfillment when you pay attention to what those are and begin to use them.

One last thing I'd like to share, and that is what I discovered about how food and lifestyle affect our hormones, which essentially affect our view of ourselves and the world around us. Did you know that Niacin/vitamin B deficiency causes depression? That the chemicals and preservatives in our foods disrupt our hormones and put them in jeopardy? That exercise releases serotonin, dopamine, and epinephrine?

Yes, hormones are so often the culprit when it comes to anxiety, stress, and depression. But thankfully, there are ways to bring them into balance without the use of drugs. You may want to research this topic, and get acquainted with all the available ways you can begin to improve in just this one area.

I'm glad you wrote in, and thank you for letting me share my thoughts.

Jacie72
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:03 pm

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby Jacie72 » Thu Apr 19, 2018 1:00 pm

Lady,
One million times, thank you. You hit the nail on the head and made me look past the emptiness of not having my daughter home to realizing that I can move on and do wonderful amazing things myself. I guess I’ve been ill so much that I’m also afraid my daughter will sense my apprehension of her moving on and stay put. I need to find the strength within myself to give her the nudge she may need to make her realize that I’m supposed to be looking out for her ~ not the other way around. I have started examining my diet and after my 2 nd spinal surgery next month I plan to start doing things that made me genuinely happy in the past.
You’re response meant a lot.
Thank you again.

lovingladyo4
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 22, 2017 9:06 am

Re: New and looking for people to talk to

Postby lovingladyo4 » Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:31 pm

Jacie72 wrote:Lady,
One million times, thank you. You hit the nail on the head and made me look past the emptiness of not having my daughter home to realizing that I can move on and do wonderful amazing things myself. I guess I’ve been ill so much that I’m also afraid my daughter will sense my apprehension of her moving on and stay put. I need to find the strength within myself to give her the nudge she may need to make her realize that I’m supposed to be looking out for her ~ not the other way around. I have started examining my diet and after my 2 nd spinal surgery next month I plan to start doing things that made me genuinely happy in the past.
You’re response meant a lot.
Thank you again.


I just tried to send you a private message but it looks like the link has been disabled or something. I saw no sign that it went through to you. Anyway, I wanted to let you know to feel free to write any time you'd like.


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