Etarcos

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Etarcos
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2018 2:36 pm

Etarcos

Postby Etarcos » Thu Mar 15, 2018 3:44 pm

Hi everyone.

As each and everyone that presented oneself in this forum, I guess, I'm not feeling like I have the right to post about myself, about my problems, because there's surely greatest sufferies and already enough topics. But still, I think I should do it, because I'm always facing this feeling of incapacity to make something about it, to express it. Also, I'm thinking about reading as much as I'm speaking about myself, to not feel "guilty" speaking of myself. So, I'll present myself.

I'm 18 years old and my main problem is not that much of a depression problem, although I've got two of them, from September 2016 to February 2017, and from September 2017 to January 2018. I've got also a lot of anxiety each and every day, so that I even can feel my neck tremble when I have to be calm and I know people are looking at me. These two came to me, I think, because of the strange problem that I'm facing since June 2016, which is a matter of nausea, gastric pain and diarrhea. I'm feeling really ashamed by it, it's really not something I'm proud of or something that I can speak easily about, even in front of my doctors, and this causes me to hide as much as I can from other people. Like, I'm not able to go outside to just share time with friends, or to have a drink. The only thing that I do (because I have to) is to go to the university and to embrace this panic that I have, the gastric pain that no doctor happens to solve within nearly three long years. And when I come home, it's like a black-out: I try to forget everything that happens to me everyday, and to behave like tomorrow will be fine. But eventually, I came to feel bad about myself even at home, dealing with things like insomnia, some kind of polyphagia, two periods of depression (that were, in my opinion, somewhere between "medium intensity" and "high intensity"), lots of kind of addictions, etcetera.

I tried to go see gastroenterologists, two psychologists, I've went to to emergencies so many times that I can't recall, and still nothing. I took so many differents treatments, like Entocort to see if it's more of a gastric dysfunction, or like Xanax to deal with the anxiety arousing when I have to go each and every day at school (last year, when it was pre-university) and endure the horrible pains in my belly. I nevery tried to go see a psychiatrist, I still live with my two parents and they were really not into psychologists, so it is kind of a blessing that I've got "the permission" now to go and see one, so I can't even imagine what it would be if I tried a treatment based on pills to cope with anxiety again. They are really scared of me getting addicted at these things, and I can't really blame then, even if sometimes, I just don't give a damn about the repercussions and would be really happy to take something to chill a bit. But I haven't tried something like it, for now.

I really don't know what I'm expecting of this forum. I read lots of posts before I had the guts to make my own, and I don't know what more can I expect. I feel sorry for each and everyone here, and I would like to help. But I also know how this things are tricky, I can't even explain the pain I feel at these particular moments, when it's gone, so how could I know what is it like?

Last thing. I was really confused; should I wrote here, or should I wrote in the "Your story" section? I decided to make the first step here, we'll see what will happen next. Finally, I'm not a native english speaker, but I really like to practice this language, and I couldn't find a good discussion topic in French, so... If it's too painfull to read, know that I'm sorry!

Wish the best to all of you.

Life_Hope_Love
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2017 11:35 am

Re: Etarcos

Postby Life_Hope_Love » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:01 pm

I am sorry to read you're going through such a hard time. Life isn't easy sometimes. You're not alone though!
I think you're being brave by admitting how you feel, and reaching out to talk about it here.
I know when I had struggled with some undiagnosed health conditions, I had to really keep pressing for real solution, real diagnosis and self advocate. Keep going, you will get your breakthrough!
Being connected to a supportive church also helped me emotionally and spiritually to move forward.
There is hope for you to have a great future, keep trying, keep talking, you will look back be glad you did!

Etarcos
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2018 2:36 pm

Re: Etarcos

Postby Etarcos » Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:46 am

Thank you Life_Hope_Love, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond and your positive thoughts.
I think I'm going to keep talking a lot, not only it helps to express how it feels and seek the right treatment, but I also like to talk a lot! :P


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