This is where I am now
Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:50 pm
Hi, this is about my third attempt to write an introduction...my brain can't seem to find the right words. I've lived with depression in varying degrees as long as I can remember, as well as generalized anxiety and PTSD. I've been through years of therapy, have learned coping skills and practice self-care as best I can. I don't go the anti-depressant route anymore because I've had so many awful reactions to them. For the most part I was doing well until a couple years ago when I started slowly developing agoraphobia and an increase in depression. I'm pretty sure what's triggered some of it, and it would sound pathetic if I explained. But I do the best I can each day, I suppose.
Really I don't have anything major to complain about in life. I do part-time work at home, have a great husband who understands me well, two adult sons who seem pretty happy with their lives, and a sweet, playful dog. My relationship with my sons is great and we keep in touch on a regular basis (they both live in different states). I have interests and hobbies that keep me engaged, although it's been really difficult to focus on them lately because of the depression and increased anxiety.
Okay, I'll just come out and say it. I often find that I can't wait for the end of the day. Not necessarily the quiet evenings which I typically love, but for the day to just be over. Which is sad, because I know that time is precious. Too many people I've known have passed away over the last few years and it makes me appreciate life even more, yet feel increasingly guilty because I feel I'm squandering my life away. It's very hard to get up in the morning, get dressed and face the day...but I do. I feel such an intense loneliness that sometimes it physically hurts. I know I'm not alone in these feelings and I'm thankful I've found a place where feelings such as these can be safely and openly shared. Thank you all for listening.
Really I don't have anything major to complain about in life. I do part-time work at home, have a great husband who understands me well, two adult sons who seem pretty happy with their lives, and a sweet, playful dog. My relationship with my sons is great and we keep in touch on a regular basis (they both live in different states). I have interests and hobbies that keep me engaged, although it's been really difficult to focus on them lately because of the depression and increased anxiety.
Okay, I'll just come out and say it. I often find that I can't wait for the end of the day. Not necessarily the quiet evenings which I typically love, but for the day to just be over. Which is sad, because I know that time is precious. Too many people I've known have passed away over the last few years and it makes me appreciate life even more, yet feel increasingly guilty because I feel I'm squandering my life away. It's very hard to get up in the morning, get dressed and face the day...but I do. I feel such an intense loneliness that sometimes it physically hurts. I know I'm not alone in these feelings and I'm thankful I've found a place where feelings such as these can be safely and openly shared. Thank you all for listening.