first post

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Mago2498
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:59 pm

first post

Postby Mago2498 » Sun Feb 04, 2018 4:14 pm

well what can i say so i'll just got for it i have to two kids under 3 and 1 married for 5 years and 26 years old recently i found out i have ibs pretty much i cant eat crap been dealing with depression for what seems seems to be my whole life . its worse last year when the person who is suppose to be my husband decided that he wanted to be single and married at the same time abusive drunk and the list goes on all of that changed of course when i threw the divorce papers because i got fed up and tired of him hes now changed goes to church the whole nine yards. but now he tells me to pray to get better pretty much making me feel like crap making me look like i am the one with issues when he is i know i am dealing with this but y would u push someone even more into a hole when they are already in it???

chinaandback
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:34 am

Re: first post

Postby chinaandback » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:01 am

I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and also dealing with IBS. Are you and your husband still together and is he still being, as you described, an abusive drunk? Have you thought of going to church with him? There is help for depression. Have you seen a counselor? That really helped me when I was suffering from depression on and off for years.

ImJohn
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: first post

Postby ImJohn » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:41 am

Hi Mago,

I'm going to try to be sympathetic, understanding and helpful. Please be patient with me if I don't understand you or your situation properly the first time round; after all I've only read your 'first post' so what you've put in there is all I know about you and your husband.

The people here (including me) have or are suffering from depression so we all know how debilitating and horrible it is. Then I read about you having IBS which is unpleasant in itself. You have responsibilities (two children) and feel your husband isn't supporting you as you feel he should, so much so in fact that you threw those divorce papers at him. Now you're here quite possibly screaming inside, "Does any one understand me? Does any one care? Will someone please listen to me for a change!"

OK I'm listening for one and other will too. There really are some good people here who will help others despite their own misery, suffering and general depression. You've found a good place honest.

Your husband is confused (I guess) and I'll try to tell you why and why (I think) he's behaved the way he has recently. You see us males try to fix things. Your husband saw you were unhappy (pretty obvious if you threw divorce papers at him) and realized the way he'd been was a problem so he found a way to fix this by going to church and changing the way he was. The way he see's it he's fixed - right? But you have IBS and still get depressed so he tries to fix these things the same way. BUT you're a woman and what you hear (I think) is him telling you you have problems; him being critical and unsupportive. So (because us males are a bit stupid when it comes to emotional support) I'd suggest you explain to him how you feel and ask him NOT to interrupt until you've finished. He'll be pretty sad 'cos he's been trying hard to help (hopefully 'cos deep down he really loves you and your children) so he may need a bit of sympathy too.

One last thing. I have a question: What would you really like? A hug? A bunch of flowers? Time for yourself? A romantic meal for two? Once you're sure of the answer tell your husband (and your friends if you need same 'me time').

Good luck

John

User avatar
Olive
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:36 pm
Location: Buffalo NY

Re: first post

Postby Olive » Mon Feb 05, 2018 11:57 am

I kind of agree with Jon, but you know, I read it that your husband is doing the thing where he is acting in extremes, and because the change he makes aren’t long lasting yet, and his behavior changed a lot quickly, he may get frustrated because he won’t see change quickly, because the problem is that there hasn’t been consistent consideration.

Though, I can’t imagine it’d be easy to open up to him now after he has breeched your trust so many times. I don’t think you should feel it is your responsibility to fix your husband and you should act in your interest now. I think you made a good decision by giving him the papers and you should let anyone gaslight you into thinking your issues aren’t serious, because they are and to deserve help, not dramatic gestures.

User avatar
Olive
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:36 pm
Location: Buffalo NY

Re: first post

Postby Olive » Mon Feb 05, 2018 12:01 pm

Ah I re-read the end of your message: your husband is an a#%. Anyone that tells you that you need to pray away your clinical depression is dangerous and a toxic presence (not because they are religious but because they don’t respect your illness as real, unless they would tell you to pray away a broken leg) ... in my opinion of course. I just wanted to add that you are completely sound in your decision if you decide to cut him out, because that sort of ignorance of his is no good.

kyoung49
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:05 am

Re: first post

Postby kyoung49 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:46 am

Hi Mago,
I am brand new to this forum. I honestly just joined this morning and was really not sure how to even begin my story and experiences. I was scrolling through posts and came across yours. I was shocked that someone else has some of the same issues. I was diagnosed with IBS a few weeks ago and have had issues with depression for years. The IBS is so debilitating. It has led me to be more depressed because I can’t eat hardly anything or go anywhere anymore. I can totally relate to your feelings. I am divorced, 49 years old with two beautiful adult daughters. But they are in college and I feel very lonely! They are honestly the only reason I still go on! I had to give up my job last year because of being sick and lost my pt insurance. I can’t afford healthcare and was denied Medicaid. The struggle is real!!! I can only imagine how difficult it is for you with two small children! Dealing with IBS and depression together is a horrible feeling! I just wanted you to know I get it and you are not alone! I hope to post my story soon because it seems that there are a lot of kind and understanding people on this site!


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