just col strugglin

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just col
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 3:31 pm

just col strugglin

Postby just col » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:39 pm

trying to think were and when it all started, first time i can remember is just before i started hi school i was in the juniors school and tried to hang myself, i got a slap around the head off the teacher and was told not to be a dick lol, would to see how they would deal with me now, all through school i was told i would end up no wear in life.
I cant remember a day that i have not been scared or anxious
fast forward 38 years and i cant stop thinking of ending my life been to the doctors and i'm on Sertraline pill 20 0mg a day worked great for the first few month, don't want to go back to the doctors but going to have to.
i have pain for most of my adult life with piles or hernias, i have used this as a way to block out my thoughts, might sound strange but its the only way i have been able to deal with it, now i'm on the tablets for some reason they have stopped the pain in my gut my testicles my ankles.
my head has gone back to the way it was as i grew up, i cant seem to take verbal instruction without drifting away in my head or concentrating on lessons in the classroom as it seamed as if my head had cut all sound out, i'm struggling to put my thoughts down as its not making sense to me as i type it , ( might not get to send it yet).
like i said before my pain has gone and my head is manic for some reason i have started to cut my arms, i started on my forearms but have now moved up my arm out of sight as people were noticing it, don't know were i'm going from hear yet.
need 20 things to do at once, got TV Ipad and laptop on the go, struggling to sleep is a first for me as i could force my self to sleep or power nap and now its just not happening feeling ashamed and scared.
only reason i have not ended this game im playing is my kids, hate it when they are not smiling, my only reason for life

Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: just col strugglin

Postby blessedby4 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:29 pm

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the of the darkness.’
Though your depression sounds much more severe than mine, I can tell you that there is One who has given me hope, given me courage, given me strength, given me peace and given me joy. I don’t know if you have a faith system, but I came across this Bible verse that made sense. ‘Call to Me [God] and I will show you great and mighty things which you do not know.’ Those things which God has given me He also wants you to have them. Someone once said God whispers to us in our joy and shouts to us in our pain. Perhaps God is shouting at you through your anxiousness and depression. He is a great hope.
Article number 1 in this list may be of help. http://bit.ly/2mFxWoz

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