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Someone talk to me please

Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 1:28 am
by NinjaGirlGamer
So basically all my relationships never lasted for a month. The highest it lasted was 3 months. All of them all the time “you will find the one” or “find someone better” well I been trying and trying and nothing works. All the relationships were online. Never been kissed or nothing. My last relationship recently has the most impact right now because I was in love with her. She was a poly which is dating multiple people. So I’m like” ya ok whatever makes you happy”. So we talked and talked and there were promises of being with each other and visiting me. It’s like she could give everything I ever wanted. You see, I have a overbearing mom who will not let me live the life I want if I stay with her. The person I loved was like a key to freedom and happiness. But she broke up with me because she wanted to make her other girls friends happy but still states that she likes me. How can someone do that? We had a special bond that we both agreed was true. Yet still I’m thrown back into the fog of despair and loneliness. So I’m trying out dating sites which people just ghosting me on. It’s becoming harder everyday to cope with this feeling. I been depressed all of my life. Never felt true happiness or anything. I fake smile and every time I take a picture I look dead inside.

Here are two poems I wrote a long time ago which better explains my situation.

i hate thinking this feeling, the feeling i have every day. I want to go away to heaven. Maybe hell if i even kill myself. I'll be gone in a quick minute. No one will miss me, nor would they care. I hate going to school everyday because i know no one is gonna talk to me, and even have a decent conversation. I hate being unwanted, I don't want to feel this way. I can't help the fact i'm shy. It's just the way i was born. Why was i even born? My soul should have stayed in heaven, not here. Give me a gun already, and end my life. No one will ever care for me like they should. If people don't want me here, why be here? i was born for no reason . Just a accident, a worthless being, a useless, the same damn song a sing everyday. Why are you afraid to come up to me, and say a word or more. Have a conversation with me i wouldn't mind, it would be nice to feel wanted. But no, that never happens. They talk but not include me. I'm not jealous, just angry. Are you really trying to make me leave. I will if this keeps happening. I feel so alone here. Why even hate me? for what? for what i do? that shouldn't be the reason to make me rot. I can't take it anymore. I'm about to grab a knife and crave into my arm and write "I HATE ME". Please save me. I'm on the edge of hell, I'm about to fall into the fire.

Sometimes i wonder what is my purpose in life. Sometimes i think i have no purpose, i don't really. Over the years i been trying to hold on. To every piece of sanity i have. Many people just stare at me when i stare at them. Why can't they see my pain? Because no one cares. People are so confusing. They hate me when they see me and the way i act. I try so hard to help everyone. But no i just get ignoring stares. I wanna die today, not tomorrow, not the next day, not next month, now. I wish they could see me, I'm blind to them, as i'm disappearing. Everyday i want more friends. I want people to actually to talk to me and be my friend. I mostly blame myself for every mistake i make, and now i hate myself and tell myself I'm worthless,ugly,dumb,and a deformed child that needs to die. No one would miss me, i'll just be a headline for one day and forgotten the next. I am slowly dying everyday, give me a hug and make me feel better, become my friend so i wont feel alone, save me so i won't fall into the darkness. Most of this people don't do. That's why i'm sad. I wanna leave. so much grey hairs i have, but not enough hope. i lost that years ago. i'm too shy to even speak to someone, but if i even try i mess up, and end up having the person think i'm weird. Which i'm not, i'm a nice person. But not for long for i am slowly becoming the darkness. Because of all this RAGE.

Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:52 pm
by Gomez1972
i will talk to you. sometimes you need to be alone for a while before moving on to the next. i have been alone after my divorce for over 10 years now. I never moved on, and I regret it, and it was hard. I wanted to fix myself before falling blindly for some fool. like the blind leading the blind.

What do you want from this person that you still care for? I hope you are doing better today than yesterday.

BTW, i like your poems.


Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2017 4:23 pm
by Positive
Hello there, hope you are doing great. After reading your story here are my few suggestions for u.
1. Don't try to find love online. You would never know a person's real personality online. At first all will try to show the best in them and no one would show their true self.
2. First try to be more social in real life. Don't try to find love, first try to make friends who likes you for what you are. Eventually you would find the one in your friends.
Hope this helped.
Do share how you felt after reading this.

Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2017 10:10 am
by Imnothere
It sounds like you are young and struggling with life, which is complicated and sometimes overwhelming.

Though I personally don't think finding a date online is a nice option, I guess I understand your choice as I was once extremely shy. It was easier to start the talk when there were only words on the screen and no face-to-face talk (video chat didn't exist back then), so at least I had more time to think before I type anything. Also, having someone to talk to, online or not, helps deal with the grim reality, sometimes by offering an escape, even if temporarily. My 2 cents on dating, though: heartbreaks are normal. You are bound to get hurt once in a while, whether the ones who hurt you intend doing it or not. Allow yourself as much time as you need to heal before you move on-- it is hardly a good idea to fix a broken heart with a new relationship. And when a relationship ends not so amicably, reflect on your decisions (but don't blame yourself) so you actually gain some experiences which may ultimately lead you to the right person.

As for family and life, please remember that you are not stuck with your mother forever. You will grow up, and one day you will be able to claim independence. It's not easy -I worked my arse off to move away from a toxic family- but I assure you every bit of hard work, and even the tears shed in the process, are totally worth it. Since you mentioned school, is there a teacher or a faculty member whom you can trust? Is there a counselor to whom you can talk in private? If talking face-to-face is difficult, you might want to consider calling the mental health hotline in your area, as your calls will be kept private and confidential, and answered by trained professionals who will do their best to help.

Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:12 pm
by MrsMinx
Hi there,

I imagine you're feeling overwhelmed by a number of things but there is great hope so be encouraged!
You've reached out and that shows that you care. And I've heard you!.

It's important to take each issue that you're facing individually. You can better handle it and process it.
Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling? Perhaps you should or continue to do so if you've already started.
I don't know exactly what is happening at home, but parenting has so many challenges and dynamics to it and sometimes, people mess up in certain areas-we all do. You will not always have to live with your mother, but whilst you are, try to see what you can do to make it more tolerable for both of you.

Relationships are best when we see each other, that's how our first relationship was formed. So it's important that you try to interact with others as opposed to on-line where people assume a different personality and character which quite often is fake.

The important thing is to take baby steps as you continue on your journey. You might also want to journal your thoughts too. Writing things down is very therapeutic. God Bless

Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:31 pm
by i'mdead
I'm shy too and I feel the same as you. If you want to talk you can count on me.

Re: Someone talk to me please

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:51 pm
by Brainfog
Relationships are difficult. Do not beat yourself up over it. Even when you do find somebody that you feel you can share your life with, it is not easy. The divorce rate in USA is 53% and in Belgium it is 70%!!! You are not the only one who experiences these issues. Be happy with who you are and your achievements. Try joining clubs that interest you so that you can form friendships with people that are like minded.