Hi, I just joined?

Introductions and welcomes.

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Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:49 am

Hi, I just joined?

Postby Ravitox » Fri Oct 27, 2017 2:30 am

Hello anyone who reads this, I'm not sure how a forum like this works since it's my first time joining. From the title of this section, I figured I should introduce myself.

I go by Ravitox. I'm a high school senior at 16. I've just been feeling beaten down for the last 6 years. I wanted to kill myself for the first half of that time, but I think I'm alright now. I've accepted that being alive is a good thing, but I don't feel happy at all. All I've ever wanted to do is to get out of my house and move across the continent. For the second half of those 6 years, I've dedicated the majority of my time to studying so I can affordably attend college far away. Far, far, away. I would say a great cause of my depression is the situation I live in; constant poverty, unforgiving parents, the ghetto neighborhoods, etc.

I know there are many worse situations out there, but we lost two homes already. My parents went bankrupt, and it created a huge family fight because all my uncles and aunts refused to help us. My father worked two jobs to pay the bills, and that left my mother to take care of the home. She would always scream and yell at me for not doing enough around the house, and as the oldest, I was the sibling babysitter whenever she was away. Her and I physically fought over my use of technology. There was no television because we couldn't afford it, so I never had anything to talk about with any of my peers. We had an old laptop for everyone, and I could only use it for working on essays. When I got a phone and email, she would always forcibly take it away for the most ridiculous reasons, like when I forget to turn my ceiling fan off after leaving my room. I felt like I was living in the 1960s or something. Who still doesn't have wifi, and no way to contact them besides a house phone? I had an increasingly hard time academically, as she'd threaten to burn or shred my work if I didn't stop using a phone for anything other than occasional calls. And I just let her control everything I did.
She'd scream at me for listening to demonic music, but it really is just old Metallica, and some 90s rock. I only wore hand-me-downs from her friends' kids because she wouldn't buy me any new clothes. Half my closet is filled with club t-shirts from extracurricular activities that I run. I ran away from home thrice, the cops were called twice, and the helicopters sent out once because we fought in an escalating manner multiple times a day.

I've tried so hard to trust in others around me, but everyone is so immersed in their own lives. I'm moving away within a year, and the only friends I really keep are friends over the internet. Those leave me eventually as well. The best thing during my day is silence by being away from everyone in my family. But that silence is so suffocating sometimes. It gets extremely lonely when I lock myself up for hours at a time with nothing but my books. It's hard to get up every day, and be motivated enough to open my eyes. I also have recurring sleep paralysis that hits me at random times and it freaks me out. Basically, I just feel really unmotivated. It seems like I'll never get anything I truly want, no matter how badly I strive to make it a reality. In the end, I start feeling like I should just stop trying.

Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Oct 07, 2017 3:42 pm

Re: Hi, I just joined?

Postby Lostgirl » Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:11 am

Please dont stop trying. You matter. Im here. Im listening. You deserve to get out of your house and move anywhere you want. Things wont always be like this. Im sorry you are going through such a hard time but you are not alone. Just be patient and use it as fuel to push you forward. But its still okay to get discouraged sometimes and its normal to get lonely in the silence. We all do. You have a lot of life ahead of you. You can get on your own feet someday and take control of your own finances and may even be able to help your family if thats what you choose to do. Im here if you need to talk.

Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2017 8:28 am

Re: Hi, I just joined?

Postby kissntears06 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 12:24 am

sorry to hear about your life, be strong and dont give up, hardship is part of our lives , you choose being who you are, dont give up always ask guidance to our lord, if you need someone to talk count on me and i am here , be positive always i know someday this hardship in your life will became happiness in your life.

Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2017 5:59 pm

Re: Hi, I just joined?

Postby JackieJ » Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:16 pm

You have quite a story to share and these are the kind of stories that God is able to do amazing things with. It's wonderful that you are reaching out and trying to establish an on-line community. I also encourage you to reach out to people that you can interface with in person as well. Are there school counselors or a local church that you can reach out to for guidance and support? If you can just hang in there until you are away at college, you have an opportunity to take your life in any direction that you want. Take it one day at a time and try not to let the drama within your family bring you down. I have seen many people break the cycle of dysfunctional families, when they are have determination and perseverance. I pray that God releases from this cycle of dysfunction and they He brings you into His purpose and destiny for your life.

Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: Hi, I just joined?

Postby blessedby4 » Thu Nov 02, 2017 10:13 pm

Someone once wrote “Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope.”
In my dark times in my own life, I have found that focusing on the problems seems to make me feel worse. When I have felt hopeless, I also feel paralyzed to make a decision. Yet I have learned how to trust God, I find myself calling out to Him- often.
Doing so removes the helpless and hopelessness. A verse I recently read says “God can bring peace to your past; purpose to your present and Hope to your future.” Here in this list, I think you will find article #1 helpful. http://bit.ly/2dzXD4Q
When you develop a relationship with God and His Son Jesus, your purpose becomes clear. Your life takes on meaning- knowing that God is full and complete control and that God can, heal us of our anxieties, our depression and our hopelessness. In turn God gives a peace that surpasses all understanding and He can always keep our joy full. Someone once wrote No matter how dark the moment we live in, love and hope are always possible.

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