inadequacy
Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:55 am
I have the deepest feelings of inadequacy the majority of days. I feel I hide my depression and how I really feel pretty well from my loved ones and my co-workers. I am a teacher and have to be smiley and encouraging to my littles whom I adore In order to give them what they require to learn the best they can. They keep me going along with my biological children. I have struggled with self-worth issues since a very young age, struggled with eating disorders my whole life, and have a constant fear of absolute failure in all aspects of my life. I have never been able to speak to anyone about these feelings as I tend to just bottle things away because I do not want to burden anyone else with my issues when everyone has their own to deal with already. However, recently my feelings are eating away at me. I truly just want to run away from here and start a new life hidden away where I do not have to speak to anyone, fake smile at anyone, or pretend to be just fine. I guess I just want someone to hear me and to just be able to say, "No, I'm not fine. I am struggling, but I am trying." I can't tell my husband or friends/family that. I have to be strong for them the best I can, but it is getting more and more difficult to keep up the charade and not just stay in bed all day because that is the only place I can feel relief. I just want to sleep. I never remember any of my dreams, so my sleep time is time I can feel I am not somewhere letting people down. I really just wanted to get these things off my chest, so thanks for taking the time to read when you really didn't have to.