inadequacy

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Rhiannon
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:11 am

inadequacy

Postby Rhiannon » Thu Sep 21, 2017 2:55 am

I have the deepest feelings of inadequacy the majority of days. I feel I hide my depression and how I really feel pretty well from my loved ones and my co-workers. I am a teacher and have to be smiley and encouraging to my littles whom I adore In order to give them what they require to learn the best they can. They keep me going along with my biological children. I have struggled with self-worth issues since a very young age, struggled with eating disorders my whole life, and have a constant fear of absolute failure in all aspects of my life. I have never been able to speak to anyone about these feelings as I tend to just bottle things away because I do not want to burden anyone else with my issues when everyone has their own to deal with already. However, recently my feelings are eating away at me. I truly just want to run away from here and start a new life hidden away where I do not have to speak to anyone, fake smile at anyone, or pretend to be just fine. I guess I just want someone to hear me and to just be able to say, "No, I'm not fine. I am struggling, but I am trying." I can't tell my husband or friends/family that. I have to be strong for them the best I can, but it is getting more and more difficult to keep up the charade and not just stay in bed all day because that is the only place I can feel relief. I just want to sleep. I never remember any of my dreams, so my sleep time is time I can feel I am not somewhere letting people down. I really just wanted to get these things off my chest, so thanks for taking the time to read when you really didn't have to.

lukasz
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:33 am

Re: inadequacy

Postby lukasz » Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:33 am

I didn't have to, but I wanted to :)
Hi, Rhianon :)
I think I know how you feel, because I was doing something like that for a long time. I kept everything inside me, and didn't want anyone to notice I was bothered by anything. That was a terrible time. It started when I was about 13 years old. I smiled, laughed, pretended I was cheerful, but inside I was very much depressed. A really terrible thing to experience. Finally, after about 10 years (It lasted so long), I had to stop hiding my feelings, because I knew that I would become insane otherwise. I felt exactly the same way you do. I didn't want to have to speak to anyone, didn't want to fake I was happy. And indeed, I stopped seeing friends, everyone. I used to have lots of friends. Now Im completely alone. I don't even have family, but thats my f****** life.

My recommendation for you is definitely to stop hiding your feelings, because it may lead to nasty things. Of course, you may keep pretending nothing bothers you in front of your children or at work, but your friends and adult members of your family ought to know that you also struggle and want to be sad.
You don't want to tell anyone, because you want to be strong for them, but kepping it up you are becoming weaker and weaker, anyway.

I used to think like you, but now I know that if you are strong, then there is no problem to you to admit that you have problems. (Some might say "paradoxically")

MrsSimpf
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:06 pm

Re: inadequacy

Postby MrsSimpf » Thu Sep 21, 2017 3:15 pm

I didn't have to but I wanted to as well. :) You are so not alone in your feelings, like the other responder said, and you've obviously achieved a great deal in your life to be proud of as a teacher and a mom and wife. Yet no one can be strong or the strong one all the time. Please know first that you are not alone--there are so many who have experienced your pain and found a way with help. And God loves you just as you are and is here to give you strength. I find it incredulous that He loves me, too! And any one who comes to him. If you feel you can't speak to your husband or friends at this time, may I suggest there is someone you can speak to, perhaps privately on the phone? I can recommend a free truly professional service that may be able to help you not have to keep it all in and perhaps help you through your thoughts so you can be real as you need to be? Please let me know. Been there and care! Sending prayers.

lukasz
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:33 am

Re: inadequacy

Postby lukasz » Thu Sep 21, 2017 4:08 pm

MrsSimpf wrote:I didn't have to but I wanted to as well. :) You are so not alone in your feelings, like the other responder said, and you've obviously achieved a great deal in your life to be proud of as a teacher and a mom and wife. Yet no one can be strong or the strong one all the time. Please know first that you are not alone--there are so many who have experienced your pain and found a way with help. And God loves you just as you are and is here to give you strength. I find it incredulous that He loves me, too! And any one who comes to him. If you feel you can't speak to your husband or friends at this time, may I suggest there is someone you can speak to, perhaps privately on the phone? I can recommend a free truly professional service that may be able to help you not have to keep it all in and perhaps help you through your thoughts so you can be real as you need to be? Please let me know. Been there and care! Sending prayers.


With all the respect, but this is the author of this thread who said they were alone in their feelings - this is what urged them to begin the thread or I can't read with comprehension. Who has experienced their pain? That is the author's problem that they don't share their pain with anyone, because they don't want to burden anyone.

bsbmom
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu May 11, 2017 4:16 pm

Re: inadequacy

Postby bsbmom » Fri Sep 22, 2017 1:14 pm

I am so sorry these emotions are bothering you so. I do hope you will be able to (even outside of here) be able to share that not everything is okay--with someone. And, really, even if you don't want to burden anyone....you have to think to yourself that you don't see it as a burden when someone else has a problem they want to share? The others in your life, probably will not take it as a burden either. Otherwise, it will eat away at you...just as you are describing. It is so freeing, to open up, even if it is just a little...just for some clarity and release. There has been such a stigma with depression...and I think it's misuse of a label has lead to that...but I think honest feelings and emotions are important. Is there someone or something in your life that makes you feel inadequate? I'm not a big 'self-esteem' person, but I do think it is important to surround ourselves with affirming folks. :)

hrow
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 5:48 pm

Re: inadequacy

Postby hrow » Tue Sep 26, 2017 10:41 pm

Hi! I am so sorry for your struggles! They seem similar to what I used to go through. I too am a teacher. I too got love and strength and acceptance from working with children . I also have struggled with anorexia. No one knew til I got super skinny that I struggled with it. So, we have common issues. I did see a counselor for 3 years and it helped a lot. That is my suggestion to you. Do you have a counselor, pastor or minister near you that you could confide in and get some tools to work through your struggles? Some times it just helped me to talk with some one about my struggles. It really can hurt and eat you up on the inside if you keep it hidden. Some times it doesn't seem so bad when you get it out and look at it. My other suggestion is called Celebrate Recovery. It is a recovery group that meets once a week to work on your stuff and get it out in the open in a small group of trusted people. They all have issues too! So, it is nice because you don't feel like you are the only one struggling. They meet all over the country and if you Google them you can find a group near you I am sure. These feelings don't go away and for me they got worse until I worked on them and started talking to others and God about them. I will be thinking and praying for you! Take care my friend! We all have issues, you are not alone!!

H


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