living with Depression

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ann10
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:27 am

living with Depression

Postby ann10 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:44 am

Hi this is my first time on anything like this, but hopefully, it can help e or others.
i have suffered from depression for 25 years, things trigger it off, it gets better but is always there. but the past week i have been having really bad headaches tablets dont really wrk, been to docs he just told me take some more, anyway bottom line is im really depressed again, i really dont want to carry on, i have 4 children who totally adore me and i adore them, but the illness makes me hate myself, im fat and ugly, to which im not, i live in gym things because everything else feels tight on me and the flab goes over the waistline, even tho im a size 10/12 i always attack my body, i looked in the cupboard yesterday and saw co coda-mol, i was a bit excited to how many that was there, but then broke down because i dont want to kill myself, even tho i hate existing, im on tablets and awaiting more counselling, but im just fed up of this illness and hope to god that i can pull through once more. i am a single parent with lot of acquaintances but no friends, i lost my dad 14 years ago, and my mother 4 months ago, i have a sister we are close but she's got her own s... to deal with, i told her how i feel, she advised me to go onto one of these. Thank you in advance for any advice x

DiegoArgentina92
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 5:47 am
Location: Argentina

Re: living with Depression

Postby DiegoArgentina92 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 8:10 am

Hi, dont know what to say you, just send you cheers.

Dont know if you have any close person around you, try to talk about this things with someone if you need.

In fbook are lot of depression groups, maybe you can join them and see if you can look for someone to chat and share, its kinda hard find people to share in forums.

About the weight you can try to do exercise, it works.

Best of lucks.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: living with Depression

Postby Suzi » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:38 am

ann10, sorry you are going through this. I also battle depression. Certain times of the year are worse. The best thing for me is exercise. You don't have to join a gym or do anything fancy, just move. Exercise sets off happy chemicals in your brain. I have a nordic track in my basement. I just go down 3 or 4 times a day and exercise for 10 or so minutes at a time cause I hate to exercise. It will also help with your weight which will maybe help with your self image. Saying a prayer for you.

littlestarsmum
Posts: 101
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: living with Depression

Postby littlestarsmum » Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:23 pm

I’m so sorry to hear about your losses and struggles, Ann. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and painful it must be for you. Though I don’t have words to convey my care and concern over the pain which you shared, I said a prayer for you, asking God to surround you with His comfort and peace. It’s good you’re getting help. Please know that you’re not alone. We all care about you and are here to support you. I know it’s not easy, but stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers for you!

whittomp13
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2017 12:50 pm

Re: living with Depression

Postby whittomp13 » Thu Sep 07, 2017 12:52 pm

Ann;

First off, I just want to say that you are so much more than your weight. It sounds like you are an amazing mom, sister, and person. The fact that you are reaching out for any help is amazing and I want to commend you for that. Have you tried going to a gym or doing home workouts? I know for me I feel a bit better after I have a good workout, knowing I can rejoice that my body functions well. Plus, I used to get severe headaches too but those went away when I started exercising regularly.
I am proud to hear that you are awaiting more counseling. Did you try calling the counselor yet and let them know what is going on? Maybe they would be able to get you in earlier than anticipated. Praying for you!

ann10
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:27 am

Re: living with Depression

Postby ann10 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:45 am

hi,
went back to the doctors, broke down am on another mental health waiting for patient,
as for exercise i try go hour and a half 5 days a week, before i loved going now it is a struggle, but once i go im better, just want to sort my s... out once and for all so hopefully i can love myself, then someone will love me xx

whittomp13
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2017 12:50 pm

Re: living with Depression

Postby whittomp13 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 1:12 pm

Ann,

I just want you to know you are so loved. Right now in this moment and not when everything is sorted out. I hope you know that and I am so glad you are alive. So proud of you for working out five days a week! That is great to hear.

Spleefy
Posts: 240
Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 6:54 am

Re: living with Depression

Postby Spleefy » Sat Sep 09, 2017 9:22 am

Ann,

I'm sorry you are in such a dark place at the moment.

The depression in my life lasted for years, too, since I was 13. I feel like during the time I was living with depression, my life was just wasted because of the anxiety and inhibitions associated with depression. I was unable to reach my full potential, let alone fulfil normal human functioning, such as hold down a job, study, and keep meaningful relationships.

Self-criticism is normal and actually healthy because it forces us to make changes and achieve greatness. However, as you know yourself, depression can distort it to the point where healthy, constructive self-criticism becomes self-abusive, self-limiting, destructive, and counterproductive.

You mentioned that you don't want to kill yourself, even though you hate existing. In my situation, I feel this way, too. I feel like I have nothing to live for and nobody to live for... not even for myself. As I reflect on what you said, a part of me just wishes to find happiness and to be fulfilled in my life. Sure, there will always be problems, but the sheer torment of depression is just so exhausting. It never ends. It is there day and night, night and day.

Then I say to myself, "you don't have the courage to live, yet you also lack the courage to not live". You end up living in limbo. You are alive but not alive. I was merely existing.

But existing is not enough.

We weren't put on this earth to just exist and fulfill primal instincts. We were all put on this earth to achieve greatness and contribute to the world, enrich our own lives and the lives of others.

But depression just hijacks your thoughts, which in turn affects the physical, emotional, and spiritual spheres of what makes us human.

Just keep your head up, Ann. Things will get better. Just believe they will. Have faith, and trust that you will pull through this dark time in your life.

You sound like you have a lot of strength and inner determination, even if you are exhausted from feeling like this and, at times, feel like you don't have the strength to keep going.

The fact that you have reached out, spoken to your sister, posted on the forums, and seeking treatment/help, shows that you have much fight left in you. Just don't give up, Ann. Keep moving forward. As Lance Armstrong has said, "pain is temporary. It may last for a min, an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever..."

Keep strong, Ann. You have people out there that care about you and will be there for you. If you need to talk, please keep posting. There will be always someone here that will listen to you, myself included.

Spleefy

ann10
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 06, 2017 4:27 am

Re: living with Depression

Postby ann10 » Mon Sep 11, 2017 12:46 pm

Thanks all and splify, what i forgot to mention to that since my mam passed away 4 months ago i have been drinking between 1 and 2 bottles a night which doesnt help with depression, recently been having severe headaches at night and kidneys hurting as well as other things i have rang alchol counsellor today and am getting assessed fri hopefully i can have a home detox because i am alcohol dependent each night now to sleep, i stopped for 4 days few weeks ago and was in agony, have been told not to stop, but to cut dow, with me its one or the other, but tonight going to be my first night off, every other until i get the support and medication i need. have completed a cv today and applied for a job, i want Anna back, i want to get dressed up, and feel confident again, i cant wait for this transition,

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: living with Depression

Postby Suzi » Tue Sep 12, 2017 2:17 pm

So happy to hear you are moving in the right direction and seeking help. Saying a prayer for you.


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