Re: Hi there ...
Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2017 9:33 am
Hey Grace,
How have been keeping? I hope things are slowly looking up for you.
My friend did appreciate the card. She actually is starting to come around now and we were having a lovely conversation the other day.
One of the things I do is throw on some headphones and listen to motivation videos for hours every night. It's like having my own personal life/motivation coaches on hand to keep yelling into my ears that I can AND will get through this. I listen to them over and over and over until it becomes a conviction. All day I keep telling myself positive affirmations.
I am also modifying my biochemistry so that I become more receptive to these affirmations.
I am giving myself love and nurture.
I've been turning these depressing feelings into a rush, a challenge. I'm using depression as fuel to produce a raging fire in my heart. The depression is both my enemy and friend. My enemy because it tries to do everything to keep me down. But my friend because it is also telling me to make drastic changes in my life... to fight or to die. After all, if I didn't feel the way I am feeling now, I wouldn't be motivated to do anything about it. I have a love-hate relationship with depression.
However, I am not allowing myself to be afraid of it. I haven't had depression for years. When it recently returned, I was scared. I almost forgot what it is like to experience depression because it has been that long. But it's all starting to come back to me. It was overwhelming and frightening at first.
But, just like before, I have accepted it into my life. I won't try to fight to get rid of depression... in my experience, it does not work. You only end up losing and becoming exhausted and too demoralized to continue fighting. But when I accept that it is there and allow myself to feel it, experience it, and listen to the messages it is whispering into my ear, the depression slowly lifts.
Depression only lifts once we start to listen to the messages it is telling us. But we tend to spend too much time trying to get rid of it that it just fights back harder, becoming more stubborn and louder until we start paying attention to it and what it is trying to tell us.
I like that you feel the same way in that we are all in this together. We are all going through the same thing but dealing with it in our own way. By sharing experiences, telling each other how we are feeling on a given day, and also paying it forward by giving out just as much support as we receive, a forum such as this one can really make all the difference to each other's lives.
I look forward to hearing about what's happening with you. Speak soon.
Spleefy
How have been keeping? I hope things are slowly looking up for you.
My friend did appreciate the card. She actually is starting to come around now and we were having a lovely conversation the other day.
One of the things I do is throw on some headphones and listen to motivation videos for hours every night. It's like having my own personal life/motivation coaches on hand to keep yelling into my ears that I can AND will get through this. I listen to them over and over and over until it becomes a conviction. All day I keep telling myself positive affirmations.
I am also modifying my biochemistry so that I become more receptive to these affirmations.
I am giving myself love and nurture.
I've been turning these depressing feelings into a rush, a challenge. I'm using depression as fuel to produce a raging fire in my heart. The depression is both my enemy and friend. My enemy because it tries to do everything to keep me down. But my friend because it is also telling me to make drastic changes in my life... to fight or to die. After all, if I didn't feel the way I am feeling now, I wouldn't be motivated to do anything about it. I have a love-hate relationship with depression.
However, I am not allowing myself to be afraid of it. I haven't had depression for years. When it recently returned, I was scared. I almost forgot what it is like to experience depression because it has been that long. But it's all starting to come back to me. It was overwhelming and frightening at first.
But, just like before, I have accepted it into my life. I won't try to fight to get rid of depression... in my experience, it does not work. You only end up losing and becoming exhausted and too demoralized to continue fighting. But when I accept that it is there and allow myself to feel it, experience it, and listen to the messages it is whispering into my ear, the depression slowly lifts.
Depression only lifts once we start to listen to the messages it is telling us. But we tend to spend too much time trying to get rid of it that it just fights back harder, becoming more stubborn and louder until we start paying attention to it and what it is trying to tell us.
I like that you feel the same way in that we are all in this together. We are all going through the same thing but dealing with it in our own way. By sharing experiences, telling each other how we are feeling on a given day, and also paying it forward by giving out just as much support as we receive, a forum such as this one can really make all the difference to each other's lives.
I look forward to hearing about what's happening with you. Speak soon.
Spleefy
GraceH wrote:Hi Spleefy,
Happy birthday to your friend, I hope they enjoy the card and time you put in to send it and think of them.
I'm happy to hear if you're able, you have the ability to fix yourself. That's amazing. Highly motivating.
Yes going to many therapist after awhile feels like, nothing moving forward, your going here and there and to this person and that--but nothing is changing. I know that feeling. Unfortunately for me, I don't know how to fix myself and I"m not equipped to motivate myself and find out how to fix myself. I feel resigned to, this is it. But it can't be, so that's why I go to my psychologist.
That's interesting when you said you allow yourself to feel a certain way, and maybe climb out of that? That's very interesting. And true in that I've heard when one is sad, crying it out is the healthiest thing one can do.
Oh it's always nice communicating with you. And to find a way to get these forums more, organized, where people are helping other people would be great. I was about to quit this forum (when they don't even have a "delete my account" button on here) when I saw that a message could be sent directly to someone--but I was about to quit because in that chat room are so many people, but where are they when newbies sign on and try to reach out to people on here. I clicked on like to seven different people but only heard back from you and another. This forum could be a powerful place to meet and greet if people could know, we're here, we're trying to reach out, we do care and we're all in this together.
Thank YOU for your kindness. You'll never get a big head, you seem too down to earth and that's the sign of a very good person.
Have a lovely Sunday, take care. Always.
G
************Spleefy wrote:Hi Grace,
Oh stop, you’ll give me a big head xD But, seriously, thank you for the compliments.
It’s my friend’s birthday today. I sent her a birthday card that will hopefully lift her spirits.
Well, I was going to get some counseling, but it doesn’t feel right for me. This is likely because I’ve had a fair bit of it the past with so many different therapists and youth workers that there is nothing really more they can say that I haven’t already heard or tell myself.
I know what the problem is. I know why I slipped back into depression. I know what needs to be done. And I know I can get myself back out of it rapidly.
Of course, there are some days that it is just so hard. But instead of trying to make things necessarily “better”, I just allow myself to feel what I’m feeling.
I know that what how I feel at any given point in time, will not mean I will feel the same way tomorrow or even in a few hours. I just have to give myself extra loving kindness during the troughs and I know I’ll get through it.
Yes, when I restore balance to my biochemistry, my thinking will follow and I’ll be able to cope much more effectively.
Thank you for taking the time to write back. It’s always a pleasure. I would like to build a support network on this forum.
I believe that, since everyone one of us on this forum are broken in some way, then we can bring out the best in each other to be able to fix ourselves.
I hope you’ve been doing well, Grace. Until next time, please take care and keep on being the best you that you can be.
SpleefyGraceH wrote:Hi Spleefy,
Everything you write is so wonderful. I can't believe I'm lucky and get to read your writing. I'm sorry your friend is still blocking your friendship and attempts to stay connected. I do believe she'll come around, when she's better--when she's sorted out her issues and can deal again. I believe this.
I'm glad you can appreciate yourself. That's great news. I'm also glad you feel you might need some additional therapy, and will pursue this. Sounds like you have a plan and can work things out? I'm happy to hear this.
Yes, I do need to believe in myself, more. I'm just tired, depression messes with my sleep, eating, and yes I'm already worrying about the future (when you rightly said, don't do this because the future already has enough problems..). I'm a worry wart.
YOu said something about biochemistry? But you're able to deal with this and handle it? Great!
So you do do some writing, that's fantastic. Blogs count, ebooks count, I knew I noticed a writer in you. I'm glad you get notifications when i post back to you. I like people knowing that I do respond, and care to take the time to write back. Well, I'll get on with my Saturday. I hope your Saturday is an awesome day. You take care.
Grace